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Old 01-15-2019, 12:55 AM   #1
Grandma2twins
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Default 5 days here switch 5 days there

I'm looking for opinions or thoughts on having twins (a month premature- who have digestive problems... reflex/ gas...) I'm just the concerned grandma...My daughter who lives with me will stay at my house with the babies daddy for a week then take them up to his families house for 5 days up to a week....my concern is I know how it goes while in my home in which he doesn't help much....it seems when they come back here after being up there I'm told they are total different babies...(I don't believe that) my concern is at 2 months old is it ok to be going back and forth where it's different surroundings different people...they definitely aren't on the same schedule....just trying to help get some information for my daughter (she's not crazy about this back and forth but does it to keep baby daddy and his family happy)
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Old 01-15-2019, 07:56 PM   #2
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Hello Grandma2twins: I'm sorry I doubt there is a lot I could offer with regard to the situation you describe. (Hopefully there will be other members, here on PC, who will have some thoughts they can offer.) In the meantime, though, I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 01-16-2019, 02:31 AM   #3
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Hello Grandma2twins. It is wonderful that you care so much about your daughter and the babies I'm a bit confused about the scenario. Why don't the babies live in one place with their parents or at least with their mother or father...with visitors coming to them instead of the other way around? Are your daughter and the the children's father no longer in a relationship? Do your daughter or the children's father not have a home of their own...either together or separately?

Routine is of course important for child development. Regular sleep cycle and feeding routines etc. However, if the parents are choosing a less than regular routine...that's their right, yes? If your daughter is uncomfortable with the arrangement, she needs to discuss that with the children's father. Or am I missing something here? If things really seem off to the children's mother, she could consult with a lawyer...if the parents are not in a relationship and co-parenting, it seems valuable to develop a custody agreement.

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Old 01-16-2019, 05:05 AM   #4
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Perhaps it's part your daughter feeling unsettled that makes it seem to her as though the babies aren't the same after time at his parents? I think for new moms there's a period of growth as a woman and mother where one begins to find their preferences or what have you.
I don't have twins. I did have 3 in under 4 years and by the time my third child entered my life I had become a little territorial if you will over well meaning advice.
At some point your daughter might want to experience motherhood on her terms not the terms of others, which is what I learned about myself.
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Old 01-16-2019, 07:24 AM   #5
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I think its important for all children to have consistent, predictable routine. I personally would not be taking them back and forth. I would pick one place to live? Do they have their own place to live? Why the back and forth?
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