Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > Health & Other Support > Healthy Parenting



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-31-2018, 01:37 AM   #11
Wise Elder
 
*Laurie*'s Avatar
*Laurie* is involved.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 7,636 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

3 yr Member
4,177 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: My Kid is Almost 34...

Quote:
Originally Posted by possum220 View Post
When was the last time that you or your husband didn't call her and she phoned you instead? Sounds like the emotional connection that you have is strong. Maybe it's time to have a face to face discussion about what might be going on and sort out what are helpful amounts of contact.

Thanks for taking the time to reply, possum.


I didn't call my daughter 3 days ago and she called me. Yesterday she called me earlier than we usually talk.


She and her dad have an agreement that he calls her for a quick hello 3 times a week. (Part of the reason he calls our daughter is because she helps him with something he has to do for a business we run. The calls are always quick, though.) He got mixed up on the days over the holiday week-end and forgot to call her. She was concerned, and told me she missed speaking with him.


I am thinking that I must have explained the situation incorrectly in my OP. Really, the phone calls are not the problem. The phone calls are actually a bright spot for all of us. My daughter enjoys checking in with her dad and I (whoever does the calling)...she seems upset herself that she is never with enough time, and is extremely stressed.



Neither my husband nor I are the types of people to drag out a telephone conversation that needs to end; in other words, we certainly don't "hold" our daughter on the phone when she needs to get going. I'm not sure why the phone calls have become a major focus of this thread.
__________________


Take it easy, take it easy,
don't let the sound
of your own wheels
drive you crazy.

Proud member of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness).
NAMI Connection Group facilitator.

Diagnosed Bipolar 1 in 1993; PTSD.
*Laurie* is offline   Reply With Quote

advertisement
Old 05-31-2018, 05:08 AM   #12
formerly hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna "Let's not trifle."
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 27,119 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

5 yr Member
32k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: My Kid is Almost 34...

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Laurie* View Post
...I am thinking that I must have explained the situation incorrectly in my OP. Really, the phone calls are not the problem. The phone calls are actually a bright spot for all of us. My daughter enjoys checking in with her dad and I (whoever does the calling)...she seems upset herself that she is never with enough time, and is extremely stressed.

Neither my husband nor I are the types of people to drag out a telephone conversation that needs to end; in other words, we certainly don't "hold" our daughter on the phone when she needs to get going. I'm not sure why the phone calls have become a major focus of this thread.
That was probably partly my fault. Sorry. Reread your original post - you say she kinda yells at you on the phone calls. Thats where i got the impression the calls go on maybe a little too long? Idk. Otherwise, when does she say these things?
unaluna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2018, 01:12 PM   #13
Wise Elder
 
*Laurie*'s Avatar
*Laurie* is involved.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 7,636 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

3 yr Member
4,177 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: My Kid is Almost 34...

Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
That was probably partly my fault. Sorry. Reread your original post - you say she kinda yells at you on the phone calls. Thats where i got the impression the calls go on maybe a little too long? Idk. Otherwise, when does she say these things?

Thank you for your post, unaluna. I really appreciate it.

No, she never yells on the phone or at all. She's not the kind of person to lose her temper, ever.


From some of the replies on this thread I am realizing that I've been underestimating the amount of work my daughter has, and the stress she's coping with, as she works for her PhD. I am understanding that now. I have accepted that it is not personal - it is, in no way, about me.


The hurt I feel is when my daughter "cops an attitude" toward me in terms of her communicating to me that, in so many words, she feels slightly "superior" to my husband and I because she is So Well Educated. YES, I am immensely proud of her - tremendously so! However, I don't like being told that my generation doesn't "understand" today's world. I don't like when she says my own education - both college and self-education - is "outdated" or insufficient. It is irritating, annoying, and hurtful when my daughter acts that way toward me.


I fully realize that I just need to wait it out. She's in a place in life at which she either believes, or is telling herself to believe, that she has life all figured out and tied up in a nice box with a ribbon on it. Yet, she has so far to go in terms of real life experience. I can see that, my husband can see that, but of course, our daughter cannot understand it. A university education is a great thing, but it doesn't replace things like....being up all night with a sick baby...taking your chronically/terminally ill mother to her doctor and sitting right there in the exam room with her...going through the deaths of your parents and sibling...and so on.

I think I am just venting in this thread, more than anything. Looking for support while I wait patiently for my daughter to freakin' mature, LOL.

Thanks, my friends
__________________


Take it easy, take it easy,
don't let the sound
of your own wheels
drive you crazy.

Proud member of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness).
NAMI Connection Group facilitator.

Diagnosed Bipolar 1 in 1993; PTSD.
*Laurie* is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 05-31-2018, 10:45 PM   #14
Legendary
 
possum220's Avatar
possum220 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2009
Location: Uppa Gumtree West
Posts: 14,533 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
3,608 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: My Kid is Almost 34...

Apologies Laurie. I re-read your opening post. I must have got the wrong end of the stick.


34 is just a number really. I do hope that your daughter will find her way back to you and drop the attitude. Mean time wait patiently. We will wait here with you too.
__________________
We're all just walking each other home - Ram Dass
possum220 is online now   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Old 06-02-2018, 12:28 PM   #15
Wise Elder
 
*Laurie*'s Avatar
*Laurie* is involved.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 7,636 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

3 yr Member
4,177 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: My Kid is Almost 34...

Quote:
Originally Posted by possum220 View Post
Apologies Laurie. I re-read your opening post. I must have got the wrong end of the stick.


34 is just a number really. I do hope that your daughter will find her way back to you and drop the attitude. Mean time wait patiently. We will wait here with you too.

You're so correct - I hadn't thought of it that way...34 IS just a number.


Thank you so much, dear possum
__________________


Take it easy, take it easy,
don't let the sound
of your own wheels
drive you crazy.

Proud member of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness).
NAMI Connection Group facilitator.

Diagnosed Bipolar 1 in 1993; PTSD.
*Laurie* is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 06-04-2018, 06:42 PM   #16
Member
 
Sisabel's Avatar
Sisabel always trying...
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 132 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

132 hugs
given
Default Re: My Kid is Almost 34...

What is she getting her PDd in? It sounds like she’s going through some kind of change, emotionally or in her thought process? As far as falling to pieces, we all go though it at some point and maybe she needs to struggle and muddle through some things on her own before she’s ready to come back to you.
Sisabel is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 06-17-2018, 02:02 PM   #17
Wise Elder
 
*Laurie*'s Avatar
*Laurie* is involved.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 7,636 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

3 yr Member
4,177 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: My Kid is Almost 34...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sisabel View Post
What is she getting her PDd in? It sounds like she’s going through some kind of change, emotionally or in her thought process? As far as falling to pieces, we all go though it at some point and maybe she needs to struggle and muddle through some things on her own before she’s ready to come back to you.

Her phD will be in Sociology. Yes, she is going through enormous changes, both emotionally and in her thought process.


I just have to sit through this time in her life. For example, she's on vacation with her husband. I am taking care of their cats while they're away. I have not called her once while she is on vacation because she "needed a break" from everyone. Okay, fine. I can certainly live with that. So...she has been calling me twice a day. ????
__________________


Take it easy, take it easy,
don't let the sound
of your own wheels
drive you crazy.

Proud member of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness).
NAMI Connection Group facilitator.

Diagnosed Bipolar 1 in 1993; PTSD.
*Laurie* is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 10:26 AM   #18
formerly hankster
 
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna "Let's not trifle."
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 27,119 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

5 yr Member
32k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: My Kid is Almost 34...

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Laurie* View Post
Okay, fine. I can certainly live with that. So...she has been calling me twice a day. ????
What are you confused about? It almost sounds like you are shaming her for calling you?

There is something called the rapprochement stage, where the young child WANTS to go off and explore, but still needs mother to be there as a secure base. Both mother AND child have to progress successfully thru this phase. I know my mother never did, not with me, not with her own mother. So any independence was always problematic. You guys might still be stuck there too.
unaluna is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:21 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp


 
Helplines and Lifelines