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Old 05-01-2018, 01:47 PM   #1
Pflaumenkeks
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Default Too much video time for my 4yo

I'm such a bad parent right now.

I'm writing my bachelor thesis till july/august (and working 30h, having classes, therapy and doing politics), so now my child comes home from kindergarden and is mostly entertained by videos and apps for children.

My partner is also no help (he has dysthymia and is basically always in front of his laptop when he is at home) and so I'm stuck in a position where I don't know if I'm mad at him or if I'm mad at myself.

I tried getting my partner into therapy (which he wanted to do and then quit) and I obv can't quit my job because of financial reasons.

My bachelor's degree is only/still two semesters away and I don't want to stop doing politics because it keeps me sane.

Making schedules didn't work out well, so we wanted to try living apart (so that everyone of us has their explicit child care turns and explicit down times) but it doesn't happen.

Anyone here who has experience on how to break this ‎comfortable cycle and reconnect to a family life? I don't like this, but I also don't know how to change it.
Or maybe someone can give me tips on how to deal with a parent with dysthymia so that maybe this doesn't have to be only my concern?
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Old 05-01-2018, 02:44 PM   #2
healingme4me
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Default Re: Too much video time for my 4yo

Maybe just pencil in some QT with your child? It's ok that you are focused on bettering your life. What betters you will positively impact your child's life.

I really have no advice for an unengaged coparent.
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Old 05-01-2018, 06:04 PM   #3
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Default Re: Too much video time for my 4yo

I agree. I am inclined to say he needs to be a priority.

I will side myself with those that think children shouldn't be exposed to devices like phones, tv, and tablets. Just the other night I spent 3 hours in someone else's home and her child not yet two spent the entire time playing with just these such objects. Shocking.

But it sounds to me as though you perhaps agree but feel trapped.

Your partner is going to have to step up to the plate. There are things you can do to increase quality time with your child. They might only be four but they can 'help' you make dinner. Sit them up near the counter and engage them about what you are doing. Give them a spoon or pan to play with. Yes, it might be noisy but you are engaging the child. Similarly, make dinner time itself an important part of your day. My other suggestion is to schedule yourself regular breaks and stick to them.

Good luck, keep us informed.
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Old 05-02-2018, 10:36 AM   #4
Shazerac
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Please donít go down the ďIím a bad mother road.Ē Thereís a sudden dead end followed by a very high cliff. You are concerned about the situation and thatís a good thing. Try to stick to your goals while scheduling some quality time with your child. I donít really know what to say about youíre partner. Having dysthymia is not a free pass to neglect child care duties. Youíre in a difficult situation
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Old 05-02-2018, 11:26 PM   #5
healingme4me
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Default Re: Too much video time for my 4yo

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shazerac View Post
Please donít go down the ďIím a bad mother road.Ē Thereís a sudden dead end followed by a very high cliff. :
This!!! Great way of putting it!
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Old 05-04-2018, 11:01 AM   #6
Pflaumenkeks
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Default Re: Too much video time for my 4yo

I'll try my best and hopefully return with good news.
Saying it out loud (even if it's 'only' a forum) helped a lot to relief some of the stress I made myself and thanks to your responses I feel a little less trapped and incompetent.
Thank you all!
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