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Old 03-28-2018, 09:25 PM   #41
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Default Re: Need help with my 15 year old teenage son

What a tough situation this must be for you. The teen years are hard, not really a child but not quite an adult either. It sounds as though you care deeply for your son and are trying to get help. My teen experience was not quite as intense as yours, but I did find some help by googling focus on the family: teen rebellion. Whatever path you chose for your son, please don't give up on him. Teens tend to push limits while finding themselves. Be there for him. It is during these trying years he needs you most. Hang in there.
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Old 03-28-2018, 10:23 PM   #42
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Default Re: Need help with my 15 year old teenage son

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Originally Posted by amicus_curiae View Post
Wow. A problem that can’t be solved by the Internet.

My Internet’s busted and can’t parent my child.
Nah....I scoured the Internet because PC with such fine examples as this, doesn't offer up the type of comraderie and compassionate understanding and suggestions necessary for parents.

Instead of saying, hey doors off doesn't really work try something different, someone like myself gets subjected to incessant comments
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Old 03-29-2018, 12:28 AM   #43
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Default Re: Need help with my 15 year old teenage son

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Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
Nah....I scoured the Internet because PC with such fine examples as this, doesn't offer up the type of comraderie and compassionate understanding and suggestions necessary for parents.

Instead of saying, hey doors off doesn't really work try something different, someone like myself gets subjected to incessant comments
Perhaps his comment was intended to indicate the general tendency of modern parents to rely on the internet for parenting advice, rather than using their own intuition. Probably not a direct attack on you.

Just a thought.
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Old 03-29-2018, 04:59 AM   #44
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Default Re: Need help with my 15 year old teenage son

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Originally Posted by *Laurie* View Post
Perhaps his comment was intended to indicate the general tendency of modern parents to rely on the internet for parenting advice, rather than using their own intuition. Probably not a direct attack on you.

Just a thought.
The comment(s) were born of my neo-Luddite conviction that the Internet doesn’t have the correct answers for every question. Not for parenting, self-diagnoses of physical or psychological ailments, etc.

The original post is breaking my heart. I have no direct experience with family therapy but I know that it worked for three friend’s families long ago and one case shared some similarities to the OP’s.

In trying to offer support to (really) the 15-year-old child, some seem to have lost sight of the child’s mental health, although the OP has said that the boy was once on psychotropic meds and had a (possible) diagnosis of BPD. Someone suggested that a 15-year-old cannot be diagnosed until he is an adult. My reply, ‘hokum.’

I want to beg the OP to take advantage of all mental health services available, have the child diagnosed, and participate in family therapy. It would be great if the boy was simply petulant! But that could be addressed with family therapy, too.
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Old 03-30-2018, 03:42 AM   #45
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Default Re: Need help with my 15 year old teenage son

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Yes, I was asking Laurie, minus the quote yet directly below her post at that point.

The medications the OP mentioned led me to mention bipolar and anxiety.

It does sound like some therapy is occurring. Where I am, family therapy is complex. There is usually a family therapist with numerous other therapists that each member sees. It sounds nice on paper yet it is all consuming with numerous appointments. Sometimes in home services can be obtained. One of the uphill mountains I have encountered through the years is the term "voluntary." and if an illness comes to light outside of a school setting, then an iep in effect is unlikely. If the child isn't a threat to self nor others then it's a waiting game. Even neuro psych evals take time to get.

The nurture part is relative to the chicken or egg analogy. Too often in society the knee jerk reaction to a struggling child or teen is suspect the parents. Is mh nurture v. Nature? When does the stigma end and services begin?

I need to re-read your third paragraph. Oh, okay, yeah, my knowledge of meds is awful. One day I will visit here and write down every drug that people mention or have listed in their signatures. Are you in the U.S.? I’ll look. Okay. Bob is a family therapist. Bob works with other therapists who see the individuals that will make up the pool of the family therapy participants? But the program is not well-managed?

And, sometimes (do you know why?), a family can secure a therapist to practice in the home?

Yes, that ‘not a threat to self or others’ is just assumed after a first case.

I am not a parent, really, and I don’t know of any ‘blame the parent’ folks. I do believe that the many people develop healthy relationships with their children and that they may be more likely to have adult-to-adult relationships throughout their lives.

Nature v Nurture? Still under discussion but I think ‘both’ is the correct answer (studies of fraternal twins raised in different homes or societies).

Are you saying that the stigma of mental disorders effects the timeliness for services in your area?

If the OP is in the U.S. (?) there may be county and/or municipal programs for the family. I hope so.
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Old 03-30-2018, 06:45 AM   #46
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Default Re: Need help with my 15 year old teenage son

Hi there,

This must be stressful for you all. I can't advise you here as a lay person but I am glad that someone questioned the medication. (I saw a documentary re bipolar and sometimes less meds and a healthy diet helps). Your son's case may be different of course ...

This seems to be about ego & his needs, so its serious. Your making him accountable is good - hopefully with the right (??!)help he might be able to relate feeling to wrong doing in time. i wish you best (& dont forget to look after yourselves too)
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