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Old 03-27-2018, 07:06 PM   #11
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Default Re: Need help with my 15 year old teenage son

Honestly I am in the category of being against taking his stuff away. It will just create resentment and a tendency to sneak behind your backs to get what he wants.

He has to want to change because he genuinely wants it, not because he needs to please you enough to get his stuff back.

As for taking the door off his bedroom, I think it's an invasion of privacy and he deserves a door at least!
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Old 03-27-2018, 07:15 PM   #12
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This thread really bothers me.

Frankly, we don't know what the circumstances in your family are, OP. I'm certainly not accusing anyone, but how do we know the boy isn't being abused in some way? Or maybe he's autistic and truly doesn't comprehend why his behavior is wrong? And here is a thread of several "experts" (cough, cough) urging OP to crucify the kid.

What is it that gets people so angry at teens? Have respect and love for the child and you'll get it back. But, it might be too late for that because disrespect and hate is already established.

Sick thread.
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Old 03-27-2018, 07:30 PM   #13
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Default Re: Need help with my 15 year old teenage son

As I do with every poster here I take them at their word. I don't think anyone who comes to ask for help with their 15 year old is abusing their kid, nor will I make that assumption. As, I said family therapy we could be important here. I had a time in my life where I was not allowed to close my bedroom door. Why? Because I couldn't handle it. Earning people's trust is very important. You can't have successful relationships if there is no trust. I can tell you those around me loved me dearly and it never felt abusive. I just screwed up enough to make that not closing the door a reality for me. Lesson learned!
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Old 03-27-2018, 08:00 PM   #14
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Default Re: Need help with my 15 year old teenage son

Teen boys are tough nuts to crack. I used to be one, like one of those pistachios that was not split.
It is absolutely about trust. I didnít trust my parents, I didnít trust that I could confess to them my misdeeds and find forgiveness. Honesty rarely worked out well for me, but now I realize that I should have been honest for my own good, and not theirs.
Trust is key, but how do you build trust with an angry teen?
God Only knows....and I wouldnít even bet on that.
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Old 03-27-2018, 08:19 PM   #15
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Default Re: Need help with my 15 year old teenage son

Actually, when dealing with defiance, it's written in literature that doors off is an option. I used the threat of the door coming off, if doors continued to be slammed. Logical consequence in my eyes. The door didn't get further than a turn of the first screw.

Lithium and buspar sound rather intense.

The thing about defiant children is written- hopelessly optimistic.

Have you an explosive child? That round of literature talks about baskets. I interpret it as picking battles. What can be comprimised?

If withholding items isn't motivating, what else do these therapists suggest?

I get your frustration. I have a 15 year old son, myself. I'm looking at a more therapeutic version of outward bound as highly recommended by my boss. He daughter's bf went and it was life changing.

I've scoured the internet, to be perfectly honest. I'm not turning up much. I am seeing many others that struggle. Just not as many viable answers and solutions. Just know you are not alone. PM me if you'd like.
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Old 03-27-2018, 08:27 PM   #16
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Default Re: Need help with my 15 year old teenage son

My parents did the whole "no door" thing with me. Privacy is a privilege, not a right.
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Old 03-27-2018, 10:27 PM   #17
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My husband and I raised two children, a daughter and a son. We loved and adored them, and we also set good, healthy boundaries with them. I spend loads of long, patient time with them. I did not go to work and dump them in daycare. I volunteered at their schools for every single year they were in school.

Today my grown daughter is going for her Ph.D at a very prestigious university. She's married to an absolutely wonderful man. They are terrific family people and their lives are filled with success at every turn.

My grown son graduated Nanterre University in Paris. He now lives in San Francisco and has a fine, well-paying career position.

Both of my kids are generally happy, well-adjusted people. That's saying a lot, because I came from a home in which I was abused in every way. But I broke that cycle by prioritizing genuine love for my family. The kids' teen acting out was very brief and very mild. When it occurred, it was lovingly discussed as a family. My husband and I were not in a power struggle with our children, nor did we ever shame them, threaten them, or treat them harshly. They were intelligent, thoughtful kids and we expected them to behave accordingly. So they did just that. We respected ourselves, we respected our children and, in turn, they did the same.

I have also worked with at-risk teens, a job I loved and found very rewarding. I learned a lot about dysfunctional teens while at that job.

I firmly believe that if a teen is acting out there is something off-balance in the family unit. Don't blame the child, look at the parents. The (hopeful) answer lies in family therapy.

As ANY adult who grew up in an abusive home, and has "worked their stuff" will tell you, privacy is a right. It is a right. AND EVERY child deserves to be respected - but that can happen only by a parent who has self-respect.
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Old 03-27-2018, 11:19 PM   #18
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Default Re: Need help with my 15 year old teenage son

If a teen is acting out it it's because they are exploring their boundaries in their life, or they have been raised without learning how to respect others.
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Old 03-27-2018, 11:23 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Artchic528 View Post
If a teen is acting out it it's because they are exploring their boundaries in their life, or they have been raised without learning how to respect others.
In order to respect others, a person must first respect him/herself. A parent who does not have self-respect cannot teach their child to have self-respect. Instead of mutual respect, what usually happens is that a power struggle occurs.
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Old 03-27-2018, 11:27 PM   #20
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Default Re: Need help with my 15 year old teenage son

As a sister of a former "troubled teen", I can for sure say that adding stress to a child's life, I.E. a demanding schedule that takes a lot out of them, is one of the major causes of a rebellion in teens. Also, boredom. If a child is smart, and finds that they aren't challenged, they will act out because they have nothing to occupy their minds, or time.

Here is a good article on teenage rebellion.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...in-adolescence
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