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Old 01-24-2018, 11:22 AM   #1
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Default How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

I am female, the mom.

I have 2 Dd that Iím very comfortable being their mom bec well....weíre all females & I feel I have much to teach them about being a confident female. I donít seem to doubt my parenting here.
But my youngest is 8yo male. He shows signs of anxiety which I try very hard with him to build his confidence. But I seem to have trouble I guess, relating to him bec...well heís a male. Does this make sense?

I try to teach the same values & principles, but itís a fine line between the 2 sexes if this makes sense & how society defines their roles. Even in school or socially like on the playground. Sometimes I feel like I am not doing him justice.

Small example.
He loves video gaming. In fact thatís really all he loves. Iíve tried other things to try to explore his interests, but keep coming up short. Sometimes I feel itís my age. Iím 47 & feel very old trying to raise a high energy boy. I get tired. And honestly sometimes I just give up & he goes back to putting himself in front of a screen. And I feel responsible for this.

Do females feel differently trying to raise males?
Or the other way around for some others?
Thanks!
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Old 01-24-2018, 08:27 PM   #2
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Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

Sons, lively one moment, complete bores the next in a way. (no offense intended to the male readers/posters)
I think I have much to offer my own sons at times in terms of how to relate and value differences of interests. And what it means to compromise.
My mother/son relationships are still works in progress. They do bond to us moms, even if it doesn't feel that way some days.
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Old 01-30-2018, 09:46 AM   #3
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Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Patagonia View Post
I am female, the mom.

I have 2 Dd that Iím very comfortable being their mom bec well....weíre all females & I feel I have much to teach them about being a confident female. I donít seem to doubt my parenting here.
But my youngest is 8yo male. He shows signs of anxiety which I try very hard with him to build his confidence. But I seem to have trouble I guess, relating to him bec...well heís a male. Does this make sense?

I try to teach the same values & principles, but itís a fine line between the 2 sexes if this makes sense & how society defines their roles. Even in school or socially like on the playground. Sometimes I feel like I am not doing him justice.

Small example.
He loves video gaming. In fact thatís really all he loves. Iíve tried other things to try to explore his interests, but keep coming up short. Sometimes I feel itís my age. Iím 47 & feel very old trying to raise a high energy boy. I get tired. And honestly sometimes I just give up & he goes back to putting himself in front of a screen. And I feel responsible for this.

Do females feel differently trying to raise males?
Or the other way around for some others?
Thanks!
I do think age has a lot to do with it. I have experienced what you have.
does he/you like cycling? Swimming? hiking? movies (including educational)? Painting? Reading? If you craft then maybe he can build stuff ...

What Im getting at is stuff that you can both enjoy - as outlets for you both.And if he does certain things at the same time (including chores, 'structure') then his reward is the game/screen later on. when you want to relax then maybe a movie, or documentary, or something instructional, comedy.

Any weekend activity camps (even half day?) At the Y/ Community centre?

I know it isn't easy!
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Old 01-30-2018, 12:28 PM   #4
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Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

I would not have made a great parent of a girl either. My parents dressed me in boy clothes when I was little because I was supposed to have been a boy in their minds...

Now my son is 23 and I've had lots of time to think about raising him and our relationship going forward.

He was a video game addict but seems to have broken free by spending lots of time with sketchy internet access and writes open source code for games sometimes too instead of simply playing them. For him it was a gigantic escape from the chaos of our lives and losing his father at the age of 8 to a blood cancer.

I have had a strained relationship with him and now he is at my sisters getting some tlc, his driver's license and his teeth fixed.

He was so angry so much of the time. I finally learned to pull back a bit and not engage in confrontations with him. This slowly helped over time. Try to reward small changes you want to see and refrain from criticizing unless it is really a point you want to make.

My son knows I won't kick him when he is down. That's why he still calls me when he's in serious distress.

Try to encourage daily physical activity for boys. I think this is really important to help regulate their metabolism and state of mind.
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Old 02-01-2018, 06:52 PM   #5
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Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

My boys werenít interested in anything but video games, looking at youtube videos. They group chatted and played with their friends, all of them in their own houses, on the video game headsets. Even when friends came over, they played video games.

Iíd suggest they do outside playing, but they didnít like it, I didnít force them. So I let them be total video addicts...just like their dad.

But, I took them to music lessons and they excelled in music. Iím so glad I forced them, and they later thanked me.

I always wanted to take them to Home Depot to do those projects like build a bird house. But they would laugh at me and refuse!

Iíve only had boys, no girls. We bond and they talk to me about their issues. You just have to spend time with them and be open to listening when they want to talk.
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Old 02-07-2018, 01:55 PM   #6
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Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

I'm wondering if this is as much as him being the youngest, like you developed a parenting style with your girls and it's a big change to have a boy? I have one son but always felt if I had another one I would have wanted another boy because I know how to go on with them lol, I was only part joking.

Maybe try video gaming with him as it's his enthusiasm, if you're anything like as bad as me at it you might earn some sympathy points - and it can be a conversation starter.

For me to this day walking with my son is still a bonding thing, you can have good 'eyes forward' conversations that way, he often opens up and unloads what's on his mind that way as Tish says you can just be there to listen and be interested in his world. Maybe factor in a purpose for the walk, a hot chocolate/ice cream mission?
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Old 02-07-2018, 08:25 PM   #7
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Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

I can very much relate to eyes forward conversations. I read recently some blog or article about sons and it included how car rides were often the greatest time of conversation. My previous therapist told me to keep the conversation going, as I seemed to have opened that line with my own. Topics might not always be of value, however being open and in tune with what's important to them is a start. Even if the latest release of Terraria and the xbox delay in comparison to playstations isn't the most interesting phenomena you've ever heard.

Before you know it, you are the one setting the bar for the relationship style they either find healthy or the void that they seek.
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Old 02-07-2018, 08:30 PM   #8
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I get quizzed at which superpower Iíd most like to have, and we talk about stuff like that. I think you need to indulge in those topics to build comfort with them. Then they will bring up the delicate matters like asking you to buy condoms for them so they can have sex with their gf when in 10th grade (which I said I wouldnít, but I would give him money to buy them himself)
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Old 02-17-2018, 02:20 PM   #9
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Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

I'm having difficulties communicating with my son. Currently we only text. He's applying fo jobs now at my sister's, having got his teeth fixed and after spending about 5 months travelling. He got his driver's license and a resume together and is starting to get interviews.

But he's anxious and I don't know how to have a conversation with him where he engages. I asked to see his resume, he sent it and then wrote "I don't want any feedback". [It was very nice btw.]

Now he's said he doesn't want any 'suggestions or advise'. And he's tired of saying these things to me.

He's anxious about an interview on Monday. I really don't know what to do. I've run out of ideas to have conversations and he is rarely reaching out to me on text. We haven't spoken on the phone in a couple of weeks after he got out of Guatemala.

Any helpful suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I've tried asking him questions about his travels but that didn't click.
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Old 03-29-2018, 04:39 PM   #10
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Hmmmm, try raising them without expectations regarding gender roles. This is really important. I did my best to raise my son and daughter the same. I certainly wasn't a perfect mother but I think I was successful at instilling confidence, value, and a healthy view of the world. Why are you trying to emphasize that boys and girls are different? Call me a feminist but I hate to think your are purposely instilling old world gender stereotypes. You are doing them a disservice.
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