Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > Health & Other Support > Healthy Parenting



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-29-2018, 06:10 PM   #11
Grand Magnate
 
Patagonia's Avatar
Patagonia Pessimistic cynic. Beware
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: In my own little world, NO trespassing!
Posts: 4,449 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

3 yr Member
94 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by justafriend306 View Post
Hmmmm, try raising them without expectations regarding gender roles. This is really important. I did my best to raise my son and daughter the same. I certainly wasn't a perfect mother but I think I was successful at instilling confidence, value, and a healthy view of the world. Why are you trying to emphasize that boys and girls are different? Call me a feminist but I hate to think your are purposely instilling old world gender stereotypes. You are doing them a disservice.


I wouldn’t say I’m instilling old world gender stereotypes in any way & I know where you’re coming from.
I feel I’m raising my DD’s totally differently then how I was raised so I can’t fall back on “my mom told me” philosophy. But I feel when they are older they will still encounter the old world stereotype male & yes I do see their sex differently as does society.
But I do treat all of them the same....pretty much, try to teach them all the same values.

I can understand how a female views a male. I understand that perspective, but not the reverse. I won’t ever understand that & I do see a difference there.
__________________
"Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain."
Jodi Picoult
Patagonia is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:

advertisement
Old 03-30-2018, 07:01 AM   #12
Member
profound_betrayal determined
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: to
Posts: 139
3 yr Member
100 hugs
given
Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Patagonia View Post
I wouldn’t say I’m instilling old world gender stereotypes in any way & I know where you’re coming from.
I feel I’m raising my DD’s totally differently then how I was raised so I can’t fall back on “my mom told me” philosophy. But I feel when they are older they will still encounter the old world stereotype male & yes I do see their sex differently as does society.
But I do treat all of them the same....pretty much, try to teach them all the same values.

I can understand how a female views a male. I understand that perspective, but not the reverse. I won’t ever understand that & I do see a difference there.
I think I understand what you are saying.
I think we have to treat both the same, but understand that their ARE differences!!! ... otherwise we would all be '1-sex'
__________________
profound_betrayal
fighting the unknown ... (mind )
profound_betrayal is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-30-2018, 08:57 AM   #13
Wise Elder
 
justafriend306's Avatar
justafriend306 a mother, girlfriend, friend
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 8,591 (SuperPoster!)
2 yr Member
545 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

Obviously I see this differently. I discouraged male Vs female roles. Everyone was treated the same with identical expectations. Everyone had equal roles within the household. Sitting down and encouraging my son to behave in a certain fashion just because he was male never entered my mind. I honestly believe I would have been doing him a disservice. Everything from chores to instilling respect based on equality, to attitudes about sexual behaviours, to discouraging traditional values regarding gender roles was of paramount importance in raising my family. This is 2017 after all.
justafriend306 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-30-2018, 09:36 AM   #14
Grand Magnate
 
Patagonia's Avatar
Patagonia Pessimistic cynic. Beware
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: In my own little world, NO trespassing!
Posts: 4,449 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

3 yr Member
94 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by justafriend306 View Post
Obviously I see this differently. I discouraged male Vs female roles. Everyone was treated the same with identical expectations. Everyone had equal roles within the household. Sitting down and encouraging my son to behave in a certain fashion just because he was male never entered my mind. I honestly believe I would have been doing him a disservice. Everything from chores to instilling respect based on equality, to attitudes about sexual behaviours, to discouraging traditional values regarding gender roles was of paramount importance in raising my family. This is 2017 after all.


I do understand what you’re saying here. My children are given the same chores & expectations regardless of their sex. Taking the trash out has to be done although some chores are based on age. When the younger ones are older they will get those chores too.

I never stated that I was asking my son to behave in a certain fashion based on his sex.

What I’m trying to plainly state is that I do not comprehend the male mind because I am female. I can guess & read as much as I want, but biologically I don’t think I will ever understand it.
__________________
"Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain."
Jodi Picoult
Patagonia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-2018, 06:59 PM   #15
Member
profound_betrayal determined
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: to
Posts: 139
3 yr Member
100 hugs
given
Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

I was also brought up to do all kinds of chores regardless of sex (which is serving me well now - I'm no damsel in distress, now that I am alone!) But men & women are very different (think about the problems between the two . The male brain IS different. Hormonal levels are different ...

I think that chores ... RESPECT(!) should never be gender sensitive. they are what they are. There are books on the male brain, maybe that might be a good place to start.
__________________
profound_betrayal
fighting the unknown ... (mind )
profound_betrayal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2018, 10:48 AM   #16
Magnate
 
scorpiosis37's Avatar
scorpiosis37 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,172
8 yr Member
20 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Patagonia View Post
I do understand what you’re saying here. My children are given the same chores & expectations regardless of their sex. Taking the trash out has to be done although some chores are based on age. When the younger ones are older they will get those chores too.

I never stated that I was asking my son to behave in a certain fashion based on his sex.

What I’m trying to plainly state is that I do not comprehend the male mind because I am female. I can guess & read as much as I want, but biologically I don’t think I will ever understand it.
As a professor of gender and science, I have to point out that the male and female brain are not biologically different. Any perceived “differences” are the result of cultural conditioning. Often, cultural conditioning is unconscious and we don’t “see” it because we are taught from birth to believe that men and women are different. However, it just isn’t true. Just think back to 100 years ago... in 1918, pink was the “boy” color and blue was the “girl” color. What boys and girls say they like, and how they perform their gender, is instilled by society— it doesn’t come from nature.
scorpiosis37 is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-05-2018, 10:57 AM   #17
Elder
 
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 5,412 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
658 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

I find with my boys, you get what you get. They just are who they are. They like to talk about things I don’t understand at all, and I listen and nod. I sat through countless movies with battling and exploding colors that nearly gave me seizures! I just hang out with them on their terms and keep my eyes and ears open. They do speak. You just have to let it happen.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-08-2018, 09:55 AM   #18
Grand Magnate
 
Patagonia's Avatar
Patagonia Pessimistic cynic. Beware
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: In my own little world, NO trespassing!
Posts: 4,449 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

3 yr Member
94 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

Well over the last school break I asked my kids to teach me to play Terraria. Lmao they were thrilled. It’s the one game they all play together & laugh & it can last for hrs.
My kids were excited except my son was leery bec over Xmas he tried to teach me PvZ game & I failed miserably!
This time I asked them to teach me with words. Normally I’d have trouble & they’d take the controller from my hands & fix it. I asked them not to do that for me, but talk me thru it.
I remember Atari. One joy stick & one button! Now there’s all these letters & triggers & my brain is just not fast like theirs plus they’ve been playing with these controllers for yrs.

Well, I do occasionally get asked to play now. I think it’s bec I do dumb stuff & fall down holes & get eaten by zombies. It is fun to be with them & share this. I’m just not a gamer, but I’m trying!

What I’ve noticed with my 3 kids....besides them all being so different, is how they view the word “sorry.”
My oldest won’t say it, never really has, is not empathetic & needs to be reminded to say “sorry. She’s 13yrs.
My 10yr old female is very empathetic, sensitive, but has a wide range of emotions. She’s learning that she can hurt someone with words, thinks about it & then comes back to apologize from her actions or words.
Youngest, 8yr old male, is sympathetic, empathetic, wont make eye contact, but I’ve noticed says “sorry” all the time even when it’s not needed. Gets nervous quickly & just repeats sorry sorry sorry bec he seems to worry & get nervous.
I’m sure I see things differently bec of my own MH issues & it makes me careful not to over react, but I worry about him the most.

Hopefully as he grows our bond will get closer. Guess I’m a typical parent with MH problems & constantly think I’m messing up especially when I see a bookstore shelf dedicated to a theme of “being raised with mentally ill parent(s).” I feel like I have to read it so I don’t make those mistakes, but I also feel I don’t wanto go down that rabbit hole.
I know I worry a lot.
Thanks!

PS. I’m wondering when I started this thread, after reading this again, if I was thinking about chivalry.
Do we as parents still teach chivalry bec in my research & reading some acts are now considered almost rude today. Maybe that’s what I was thinking about?
Thoughts?
__________________
"Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain."
Jodi Picoult
Patagonia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2018, 10:04 AM   #19
Elder
 
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 5,412 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
658 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How To Raise A Son...As The Mom

It’s great that you are playing their video games with them! My kids ask me to, but I can’t concentrate and learn it. I do watch them play a little sometimes. They are having so much fun with their friends all on head sets in their own houses.

I absolutely do teach chivalry. If the girl wants to protest and be a feminist, then fine, my boys will let her. But they will always offer, open the door, pay for the date, show respect to ladies.

When my son’s friends were over last, though, I noticed, overhearing them, the girls were the ones with the potty mouths and not the boys.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:35 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp


 
Helplines and Lifelines