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Old 01-16-2018, 09:14 PM   #21
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Default Re: Son Thriving But Iím Grieving

I guess Iím emotional because I have MI.

Iím trying to act like a nice and supportive wife and mother. Even if I canít feel how I should.

He is a part of another family now. I feel the bad, pushed out vibe.

Thereís really nothing more for me to be involved with anyway. She has this big, close knit family living all together. She says they are a clan. They totally involved my son. He went off and never looked back.

IDK if weíll ever have much interaction. I might not enjoy their children, if they have. I have no expectations.

What a bummer.

Iíll always have the memories of raising my son. It was
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Old 01-16-2018, 09:24 PM   #22
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If only they had acted the way I think people are supposed to act. This is my biggest trigger! This must be the MI talking!
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Old 01-16-2018, 10:15 PM   #23
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Default Re: Son Thriving But Iím Grieving

If ever you find a place where people act the way they are supposed to act, I'ld like to move to that planet.

These love birds will have their ups and downs, just like everybody else. Her family sees fault in your son. They're just too smart to show they notice. They are out to make their little girl happy.

So you already don't like the grandkids. Pardon me, Tisha, but you are going out of your way to be negative. Maybe you need to do that for awhile. Hurts heal, if we don't keep picking at them. You deserve to heal. But you have to allow it.
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Old 01-17-2018, 05:25 AM   #24
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Default Re: Son Thriving But Iím Grieving

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If ever you find a place where people act the way they are supposed to act, I'ld like to move to that planet.

These love birds will have their ups and downs, just like everybody else. Her family sees fault in your son. They're just too smart to show they notice. They are out to make their little girl happy.

So you already don't like the grandkids. Pardon me, Tisha, but you are going out of your way to be negative. Maybe you need to do that for awhile. Hurts heal, if we don't keep picking at them. You deserve to heal. But you have to allow it.
There are many people who do act the way I think they would act. My son has always acted the way I would think he would act. Now, I sense a change in him. Is that so hard for anyone here to understand? Iím not imagining it.

I didnít say I donít like possible future grandchildren. Why are you putting words in my mouth? I said I may not have much involvement with him and his family at all, and I accept that.

If his wife doesnít like his family, and thereís a rift, that will be true.

I donít want to have that kind of stress in my life.

Even though I have an emotional disorder, Iím listening to my emotions and to my intuition. I grew up trusting my instincts before learning about MI, and I am still going to.

Donít I have a right to be hurt at my sonís impertinence and lack of trust and faith in his parents?

This is all an especially sore subject because my family has a running theme of parents who stabbed their children in the back.
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Old 01-17-2018, 06:33 AM   #25
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Default Re: Son Thriving But Iím Grieving

Thatís the crux of the hurt. I was the best parent to him. I didnít do any of the harmful things to him that my mother did to me. Yet, still, he didnít trust me and twisted my words and alienated us as parents.

I always let him do what he wanted.

Plus, itís obvious his gf is bullying him.

Iím not sure about her familyís feelings about him. Iím finding it hard to believe they truly support the marriage. They tell him he is family and took him in, but I feel it is as long as he becomes one of their Ďclaní, which means coming over to their ways of being. (I canít discuss religious differences here)

He seems to be having a good time. But he said he is feeling much stress. So, Iím not sure how happy he is. Maybe heís gone and gotten himself stuck.

Does he even know who he is at this age?
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Old 01-17-2018, 06:36 AM   #26
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Default Re: Son Thriving But Iím Grieving

If your son acted offensively toward you, then I suppose you would be disappointed and hurt.
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Old 01-17-2018, 06:38 AM   #27
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Default Re: Son Thriving But Iím Grieving

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Thatís the crux of the hurt. I was the best parent to him. I didnít do any of the harmful things to him that my mother did to me. Yet, still, he didnít trust me and twisted my words and alienated us as parents.

I always let him do what he wanted.

Plus, itís obvious his gf is bullying him.

Iím not sure about her familyís feelings about him. Iím finding it hard to believe they truly support the marriage. They tell him he is family and took him in, but I feel it is as long as he becomes one of their Ďclaní, which means coming over to their ways of being. (I canít discuss religious differences here)

He seems to be having a good time. But he said he is feeling much stress. So, Iím not sure how happy he is. Maybe heís gone and gotten himself stuck.

Does he even know who he is at this age?
Part of being a good parent is letting your children, when they are adults, figure things out on their own. He may be happy, he may not be. Speculating won't do you much good, unfortunately. The best thing you can do right now is step back, be kind to both he and his partner and offer your support (but not your judgement!)

In a perfect world people would behave exactly how you would want them to, but it is not a perfect world. That desire to control things to such a degree, is not at all healthy.
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Old 01-17-2018, 07:02 AM   #28
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Default Re: Son Thriving But Iím Grieving

Yes, I will step back and just be kind. Iím not even sure I want to be supportive.

Yes, I have problems with control and expectations. Thatíll mess you up every time!
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Old 03-29-2018, 04:34 PM   #29
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Default Re: Son Thriving But Iím Grieving

Whatever you do don't get between him and the girlfriend.

Did I miss how old the boy is? Both of my now adult children left home early (17) to pursue their studies. By the time they were in their early 20s they had careers, nice homes, and lives of their own. I didn't seem to fit in anywhere and it was agonising. In my daughter's case she saw and moved in with an awful man. I made the mistake of saying something which I am sure resulted in her clinging to him and staying far longer than she might otherwise have. In my son's case he worked round the clock diligently pursuing his beloved career.

Well, time has gone by. Fast forward five long years. We three are pretty tight now.
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