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Old 12-24-2017, 03:29 AM   #1
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Default Is parenting going to suck forever?

After several years and two heartbreaking pregnancy losses, I am now the mother of a gorgeous 5-week-old boy. Unfortunately, I am finding myself becoming more and more miserable every day and I am starting to think that I've made a big mistake and that I am not cut out to be a parent at all. I think part of the problem is that breastfeeding has gone poorly from the very beginning, due to a number of different factors. He is about 50% breastfed right now, which is not the end of the world but not at all what I had planned on or hoped for. But even aside from our nursing struggles, I am finding that I just do not enjoy taking care of him and I'm not sure I really love him like I am supposed to. I spend all day alternating between boredom and frustration. Everyone said it would get so much better once he started to smile at me, but he started smiling for real this week and...it's cool and all, but it doesn't make me feel any better the other 98% of the time. To add insult to injury, my husband is adjusting marvelously, is totally in love, and always knows just what to do for the boy. I find that I am counting down the days until I go back to work and put my son in daycare. I really don't think I have postpartum depression--I have been depressed before, and this doesn't feel like that. I just think that I really have made a bad mistake and that I am too selfish and rigid to be a parent. What can I do to make this better? Will taking care of my son ever be less of a drag?
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Old 12-24-2017, 07:44 PM   #2
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Default Re: Is parenting going to suck forever?

I will be honest, I don't remember much from the first few months of my son's life. Everyone tells you how wonderful being a mother is but they don't tell you about the hard stuff. I had to give up on breastfeeding (something I had looked forward to) due to my son being premature and I had to have gallbladder surgery right after he was born. The exhaustion of getting up every few hours for feedings, the no time for yourself, it is all hard. Some women can make it look easy but for most of us the reality is a newborn is not fun. You may have the baby blues (a milder form of PPD) which only a doctor can tell you but either way you are not alone. There are a lot of women who just don't do well with infants (my mom was one, she loved toddlers when they did stuff) but do better as baby ages. And most likely there will come a time when looking after your son will not be a drag. My son is 12 now and while I loved when he was a baby I love seeing him grow and mature and form his own opinions. Try and take some time for yourself away from baby. And if you need to talk just let me know, no judgement. Being a mom is hard.
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Old 12-24-2017, 09:11 PM   #3
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Default Re: Is parenting going to suck forever?

I hated it up to 2 years old. When he could talk, walk and had a personality.
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Old 12-24-2017, 09:26 PM   #4
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Default Re: Is parenting going to suck forever?

I had four kids in four years. The baby stuff is hard. You're hormonal and exhausted. My best advice is get out of the house. Go for a walk or meet a friend. I used to roam the malls with my crew just so I didn't go crazy. Find a parenting network near you if you can and reach out. If you start to feel worse, please see your doctor. It may not feel like post partum depression, but the flags are there. Sometimes we don't see it ourselves.

Does it get better? Absolutely. There will be many moments that steal your heart. I know its hard, but I promise you its worth it.
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Old 12-25-2017, 09:53 AM   #5
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Default Re: Is parenting going to suck forever?

While it may not feel like PPD I recommend you going to see your doctor. All depression doesn't feel the same. As the others have said make sure that you are taking some time for you.
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Old 01-02-2018, 05:36 PM   #6
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Default Re: Is parenting going to suck forever?

Probably not forever. The word boredome stood out to me as relatable from those first years. The newborn years I've honestly admitted as not my favorite. Plus, as a woman, the changing of identity into motherhood is a rocky one, especially when stepping out of the workforce for any given period of time.
Admittedly, each age comes with its own challenges. One of my friends and I discuss the concept of misery in empty nesting, though. Will we forget the chaos of raising sons, we wonder? I digress.
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Old 01-08-2018, 02:01 PM   #7
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Default Re: Is parenting going to suck forever?

I'm not a baby fan at all. I love when they are walking talking and able to play. It gets better in some ways and worse in others. It's a job, rewarding job, but it's a job.
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Old 01-08-2018, 02:35 PM   #8
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Default Re: Is parenting going to suck forever?

Hi and welcome to Psych Central! I had trouble with breastfeeding, too. Will it suck forever? (no pun intended ) That's not been my experience. My guys are now well into their twenties. I think most of us find after the children get older and particularly out of their terrible twos parenting can actually be fun for the most part.

Not to worry if you don't feel any immediate attachment. Not all mothers do. Hang in there. Your child will need you less later and you can actually start having a life again.

Holler if you need help from us experienced parents again.
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Old 01-09-2018, 02:28 PM   #9
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Default Re: Is parenting going to suck forever?

I agree with the others, it could be “mild ppd” - maybe see a doctor if you feel worse
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