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Old 09-03-2017, 06:17 PM   #1
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Default Frustrated and resentful

I have been in a healthy relationship with my bf for almost 3 yrs. He moved in a few months after we met and has his 3 kids ages 8,10 &14. At first i didnt mind his children but he ended up injuring himself at work and has been totally dependnt on my financial support. For almost 2 yrs now. I pay for everything from mortgage to clothes food and gas for him and his kids when they come every other weekend. I feel used and abused in that sense and have become extremely resentful towards his kids. 50% of the times they come over they are infested with fleas or lice or some other contagious infection and im responsible for spending what little i have to try and fix their problems. I have begun to hate them even though i know its not their fault but i cant help it. Two to three days before they come for the weekend i start getting anxiety attacks. Ive tried hinting to my bf that i dont want them coming over until he gets back to work and brings home an income of some sort, but he doesnt get it!! This whole situation has drained my bank account and i have no abilility to take time off work for myself and even put money aside for my retirement. Im completely stressed out about this whole situation and cant deal with his kids when they come over. I hide in my room when they come for the weekend because i cant stand being in the same room as them.
I love my bf dearly. He treats me respectfully and lovingly but he expects me to keeps supplying his kids with food and clothes and gas for travelling back and forth to a different city and any excursions they want to go on. i cant stand the kids and feel like a horrible person for the way i feel. Do i have the right to put a stop to all of this insanity until he earns a paycheck again??
P.s. ive already raised my is on her own and the other is in his last year of highschool. I dont want to be his kids 'mom'. Any positive advice would be greatly appreciated...TIA
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Old 09-05-2017, 12:28 AM   #2
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Default Re: Frustrated and resentful

The problem seems to be the fact that your bf is not bringing in any money. Does he receive worker's compensation or disability? If not, is he capable of doing any type of work to support himself and his children? He really should be contributing to their support as well as maintaining a relationship with them. It would be horrible for the children to lose their relationship and time with their father; the relationship is more important than money. What is the situation with the children's mother? Is she able to support them and care for them, or are they being neglected? If they literally have fleas and are dirty, then child protective services should be involved. Where is your anger toward the children coming from? The problem really is with their father, not with them. They're just kids; they can't support themselves. The father should be doing more, both for them and for you. Do you know why you feel resentment toward the kids rather than him?
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Old 09-05-2017, 09:26 AM   #3
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Default Re: Frustrated and resentful

Sometimes anxiety comes from putting up with a situation that you shouldn't put up with. I think you are mad at your boyfriend and mad at yourself for letting this situation get so far out of hand. It's totally unacceptable.

You are not responsible for taking care of his children or him either for that matter. He got injured at work? Well guess what? He has the responsibility to seek out financial assistance or find work that he can do with his injury. His kids are his responsibility not yours. You can humane and feed them. But you don't have to pay for their excursions and entertainant. Your injured boyfriend can spend quality time with them as a father for free and that doesn't have to drain your bank account in the process.

It's a waste of time to drop hints. Tell him flat out that this arrangement is not working and he has to step up and take responsibility for his life, his finances, and his children. Good luck to you

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Old 09-07-2017, 11:04 AM   #4
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Default Re: Frustrated and resentful

Please don't blame the kids for your bf dropping the ball. It's him you need to direct your frustration at. You're kidding yourself. The kids are victims in this situation.

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Old 09-15-2017, 09:01 PM   #5
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Default Re: Frustrated and resentful

Have you had this conversation with your bf?
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Old 09-24-2017, 12:09 AM   #6
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Default Re: Frustrated and resentful

Was there a mutual understanding of your role as a girlfriend, not mom or caretaker, at the onset of your relationship with this man? It's time to revisit this and be on the same page. Doesn't the kids' mother take care of their needs? He needs to be accountable for himself, first as a father and then as a partner. He's not being a good role model or a good bf, in my eyes.
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