Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > Health & Other Support > Healthy Parenting



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 05-24-2017, 04:24 AM   #1
Poohbah
 
Hopingtrying's Avatar
Hopingtrying has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 1,065 (SuperPoster!)
2,343 hugs
given
Default My mother

If she had not died in her early 50s, I wonder if I would have figured out how to become less defensive toward my mother. Maybe I feel this way because I am the child but she seemed like an immovable force. Perhaps it was a case of unacknowledged sibling rivaly. My little sister and mom were always closer than we were and well, something went terribly wrong with me so I wonder if it started in childhood.

We, including my dad, all jumped when she said jump. She could be persuasive and would not rest until she got her way. There were stories about her always selling hundreds more boxes of Girl Scout cookies than everyone else from a very young age. Her father (my grandfather) had a temper and did not make a very good living. He was frequently unemployed and favored his son other his daughter. Despite the fact that my parents supported my grandfather financially, I saw him criticise my mother for very minor things. My sister told me about an incident where he made her cry in front of her (an unforgivable and destructive comment and act). My mom and dad were high school sweethearts but I had the impression that he was not her only suitor in high school because my dad would kid that his best friend was after her too. My dad had a small inheritance which he invested in his dad's company and a bachelor's degree in both business and nursing, etc. After working in a corporate job for 10 years in the city, they sold their house and started a business (a gas station) in the mountains. Soon, they would start other businesses and small projects. My dad would talk about the ways in which following her advice made them successful. Because she came from tougher circumstances, she would not allow my father to agree to contracts that did not protect their interests and, in hind sight, she would always be right. In the mountains (most of the homes were summer cabins), she was a successful realtor and would buy fast/expensive cars which she loved to drive really fast.

I know she loved me. She was not perfect (had as much anxiety as I do) but I did not appreciate her as much as I should have....
Hopingtrying is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:

advertisement
Unread 05-24-2017, 12:00 PM   #2
Magnate
 
disparaissant's Avatar
disparaissant has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2013
Location: somewhere out there
Posts: 2,073
3 yr Member
1,616 hugs
given
Default Re: My mother

My condolences with the loss of your mother.
disparaissant is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 05-24-2017, 12:12 PM   #3
Crone
 
Nammu's Avatar
Nammu has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 29,147 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
18.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: My mother

Your mom sounds like a crackerjack personality, I'm sorry she died before you were able to resolve your differences.
__________________
Nammu
it always seems impossible until it's done..
Nelson Mandela



Nammu is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 05-24-2017, 12:57 PM   #4
Poohbah
 
Hopingtrying's Avatar
Hopingtrying has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 1,065 (SuperPoster!)
2,343 hugs
given
Default Re: My mother

Disparaissant--that is sweet of you to say, it WOULD have been better if she could have lived to an older age. She was full of life and would have found new adventures somehow. She was 52--had my attempt (2 years ago) succeeded then I would have died at 51. She died more than 20 years ago so it is mostly easy to think and talk about.

Nammu--I have never heard of the term crackerjack personality but when I looked up the term crackerjack it said it means exceptionally good. That is a very nice thing to say. Thanks for the sentiment.
Hopingtrying is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:
Unread 07-16-2017, 05:46 PM   #5
Grand Magnate
 
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,197 (SuperPoster!)
2 yr Member
540 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: My mother

I wonder if your attempt had anything to do with her passing at nearly the same age.

When I was 44,
Possible Trigger
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-17-2017, 01:44 AM   #6
Poohbah
 
Hopingtrying's Avatar
Hopingtrying has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 1,065 (SuperPoster!)
2,343 hugs
given
Default Re: My mother

I have wondered that too. It was in the back of my mind during it all. About 6 years ago (it may have happened the same year I went to the psych the first time), my H finally quit drinking. By this time, it had caused him some terrible health problems and suddenly, all he could think about was starting a mission to extend his life. He constantly spoke of how I would be around years longer than him in a very envious way. All this did was make me think of my mom and how I could be the one who could go first. I was also preoccupied with the fact that I felt like the quality of my life has been better than what my children's have been. And I feel like I was suffering from PTSD from enduring Hs drinking problem. I have never talked about it because it's in the past and I feel like I have moved on from it. But his preoccupation with his health lives on....
Hopingtrying is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:39 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp

Helplines and Lifelines