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Unread 04-19-2017, 03:35 PM   #1
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Default Mom looking for advice

My four year old is not listening and talking back. He screams at me... I try time out and taking stuff away. Any suggestions would be greatly aprecciated. .
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Unread 04-19-2017, 10:01 PM   #2
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Default Re: Mom looking for advice

One thing is consistency. Kids need to know if they do x then y is going to happen. That being said, 4 year olds have a lot going on with them. They are not babies but can't do all the things big kids can do. Time outs worked best for us. I would set a timer and when the timer went off he could get up. Taking things away for any length of time, the kid forgets why it was taken away. We have had a harder time of things as my son is autistic but consistency is what works best.
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Unread 04-21-2017, 12:47 PM   #3
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I agree with consistency.
If you use time out, use it every time. Same routine. Broken record talking etc. Then they know the drill.
I know it's a pain. Sometimes my SO would do the "I'm going to count to 3" thing...which I hated.
He just delayed the inevitable. He'd go so slow, which the kids knew he would & by the time he said 2 I'd jump in & say 3! & follow thru with what he said.

I think consistency gets boring for the kids & it helps them move on.
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Unread 04-22-2017, 07:52 AM   #4
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I've tried time out consistently for months and it turns into a big fight every time more then once a day. I set him in time out he gets up, I put him back, he gets up again. This repeats over and over for an hour or more. I stay pretty calm most times but he starts out thinking it's funny and ends with yelling and screaming mean things at me. I tell him like a broken record "you need to sit still and be quiet for a few minutes your in time out" he never listens. By the time he finally calms down and sits for the few minutes he's already forgotten what he did. Even though the super nanny does this in her show and it somehow works for her that after the first couple times they learn but it's been months and nothing's changed. Lately I have been finding ways to prevent his tantrums instead, like he's about to get mad so I sit and talk with him and distract him and then he forgets (sometimes).
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Unread 04-22-2017, 09:55 AM   #5
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I've been reading about the dyes and artificial flavors. Red and yellow dyes cause hyperactivity in kids. I'm changing his diet and see if that helps at all. I'll keep you posted...Thanks for the advice!!
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Unread 04-22-2017, 12:57 PM   #6
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Default Re: Mom looking for advice

I never did time outs or taking things away.

I think I'd suggest you simplify everything for now. Just get in to an easy routine. Let him have lots of control of his own time at home. Like choosing his clothes, give two choices and ask him this or this? Read him lots of story books while snuggling together and have fun.

I let my kids have control as long as they weren't hurting themselves or others. None of this time out stuff. Forget the Super Nanny.

I let my kid wear a winter vest and swim goggles on his head daily for a year. He loved me for it. Do I care what people think?
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Unread 04-22-2017, 03:37 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I never did time outs or taking things away.

I think I'd suggest you simplify everything for now. Just get in to an easy routine. Let him have lots of control of his own time at home. Like choosing his clothes, give two choices and ask him this or this? Read him lots of story books while snuggling together and have fun.

I let my kids have control as long as they weren't hurting themselves or others. None of this time out stuff. Forget the Super Nanny.

This was how my mom raised me. I always had to make a decision and so felt like I was in control. My decisions were limited to 2 or 3 choices, but they were mine. My younger brother went to daycare so he got time outs and things taken away and our childhood behavior couldn't have been more different. He was (is) a hellion (screaming, breaking things, drugs). I was a miniature adult. Kids need to know what independence and responsibility feel like while you can still protect them from their naivety and kiss the booboos from their mistakes.

And definitely eliminate junk from his diet. I'm really beginning to think that some of the artificial "food" ingredients are responsible for a host of modern ailments. Stick with fruit, veggies and hormone & antibiotic free meat. In fact, if you have room, have him help you grow some of your own food. Weeding and lugging water around will help burn off excess energy and give him a chance to learn something they don't teach in school anymore.
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Unread 04-22-2017, 10:23 PM   #8
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Default Re: Mom looking for advice

There have been studies about temper tantrums & how to listen to them. That kids will reach a pinnacle in them, blow up & then they start their way down & that's when parents need to step in more.
I'll have to see if I can find a link for it.
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Unread 04-23-2017, 06:44 AM   #9
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I don't have any great parenting advice I struggle daily with my own 5 and 3 year olds. It's good to feel like not the only one and it's helpful to read the advice here.
fwiw my 5 year old won't do time out either. i gave up on it. i haven't even tried it with the 3 year old.
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Unread 04-23-2017, 08:43 AM   #10
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Default Re: Mom looking for advice

I raised three boys. 1 and 2 are just under two years apart, then the baby is 5 years younger.

I was a stay at home mom, which I think was an advantage because I was always with them and there for them.

I can't credit myself for all their being good kids, because I believe a lot is a kids' nature. But, my parenting experience was really good.

I just listened to my own instincts with what to do.
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