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Old 03-19-2017, 03:58 PM   #1
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Default S/O and stepdaughter (sort of) issues

My boyfriend moved in with me not long ago. I love him very much. His 21 year old daughter lives with us, also. She works from home, he sells fragrance products, and they both pay rent. My issue is that my boyfriend and his daughter are too close. As crazy as it sounds, I think she's trying to break us apart so she can have him to herself. He is too protective of her and does things for her he doesnt need to, which interrupt the time we have together. We were riding out together and when it got late, he announced that he needed to go to the dollar store to buy her socks because he "promised" her. I said that wasn't necessary. First of all, I was tired and didn't want to walk around in the dollar store. Secondly, I had socks that I could give her. He said that he promised hed get her socks and to drop him off at the dollar store and for me to drive home and hed just walk home if I didn't want to stay. So rather than ride home with me, his SO, he has to get socks. Then when he comes home, he doesnt even have the socks. He claims his daughter texted him and said never mind about the socks when he messaged her saying he still needed to get them, because it was late. Just stupid. I can't even . . . SMH. UGH. Where is the sense in that?
I feel like my BF and i aren't on the same level intellectually. I've been to college, while he didn't finish it. I dont know what it is. It just seems to me that he doesnt have the same critical thinking skills and sense of how to manage a relationship that I do.
Another time, I was getting ready to drive home from our worship center after my boyfriend, his daughter and I had attended the service. He said he was going to the plaza to sell his wares. His daughter then says she's going to walk to the dollar store. So rather than let me drive him to the plaza, my boyfriend decides he'll walk there so he can walk with his daughter to the dollar store on the way. Why does he need to walk with her? She's a freaking grown woman and walks by herself all the time. So I end up riding home by myself. I wanted to be with him. I love to be with him.
It's little stuff like this that makes me blow up on them and ask them to leave. I dont really want him to leave. I love him. But when I lose my temper and say, "Get out," his daughter packs her bags though she knows I just get angry and frustrated. I lost my temper this weekend and blew up at them about the walking to the dollar store incident that happened earlier that day and about the fact that he hadn't given me his share of the rent yet, but really I knew he didn't have the money yet, I just told him to get out because I wanted him to pay attention to my feelings. He's telling me its not right for me to kick them out that day and hes not leaving and arguing with me, so I called the police to shake them up. I wanted him to acknowledge my feelings, not to leave, but not to just stand there and argue with me either. So the girl decided she was going to leave. She said she wasn't going to come back. Now of course, she didn't have a place to go, so she was planning on just charging off into the streets like a fool. Of course, her father wouldn't let her go and kept asking her not to go, but she insisted on leaving. In the end, he decided to go with her because of my saying in anger, "Get out!" and because she insisted on leaving. She said he could stay with me and "negotiate" with me, but she refused to live here anymore. I feel like she knew her dad would come with her and wouldn't let her go charging off into the streets alone. I told them both to leave since he was choosing her over me. He said I'm verbally abusive to her. I said fine, then, she could have him, and i said to her, "Hes alone with you now. That's what you wanted all along, isn't it?" She looked at me like I was the devil incarnate and said I was the one who wanted her dad all to myself and apparently i verbally abuse her. So they leave after the police says he cant force them to leave tonight because its a civil matter, but that they should just go to save drama. My BF says they're going to stay at a hotel for the night and leaves. I cool off and drive up to find them standing by the curb. I tell him i dont really want him to leave and to come back. I see him exchange words with his daughter and then he says they're not coming back tonight. I asked him did he need permission from his daughter to come back? Did he need he permission to even date me, I wonder? He denies it, but I told him incest is a sin and drove off. I am furious, but in the morning we talked it over and they're back. I just wish she wasn't so . . . I don't know. My daughter is staying with her dad and doesn't know about this madness.
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Old 03-20-2017, 04:07 PM   #2
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Default Re: S/O and stepdaughter (sort of) issues

I honestly don't see the issue. They're really close. I you want time with him alone tell him. Stop threatening them with homelessness or end it. This is not how a relationship is suppose to be. Try couples therapy.
Me- schizoaffective, ED NOS 100 mg lamictal ODT, Zyprexa ODT 10 mg, ambien 5 mg
Husband- Bipolar 1
Son- mood disorder nos

Comfortable broken and happy
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Old 03-20-2017, 07:14 PM   #3
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Default Re: S/O and stepdaughter (sort of) issues

His daughter is and should be a higher priority than his girlfriend. She is his family and you are not. I honestly am not sure why he would even want to stay with someone who has that sort of reaction for something as small as wanting to spend time and a couple of bucks on his kid. My suggestion? Stop being threatened by his daughter. She is his child no matter how old she is and if he wants to spend time and money on her then that is his right as her father. What do you add to that relationship other than drama?
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Old 03-21-2017, 03:37 PM   #4
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Default Re: S/O and stepdaughter (sort of) issues

I think you could all benefits from family counseling.
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there was nothing more to find out, nothing worth doing, only nasty furtive eating and resentful remembering."

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