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Unread 02-14-2017, 02:42 AM   #1
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Default My son's internet abuse

My son abuses the internet. He is 13 and has Autism/ADHD.

Last night the police visited as there has been a complaint that someone on instagram has been inciting minors to engage in sexual activity, and sending other sexualised messages to children.

What makes it worse is that he set up the account in my name, with my picture.

Fortunately the policeman knows us and says he thought the messages sounded like something my son would send rather than me.

At the moment his cell/mobile phone is in my car boot/trunk along with his tablet device. Last night we had a confrontation as he would not give me the keys back.

I am closing the blinds in my office at work today and just hiding from the world. I am so upset .
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Unread 02-14-2017, 07:19 AM   #2
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Default Re: My son's internet abuse

Are you, and your son getting any professional help? This sounds really serious.
Is your son able to understand consequences of behaviors? At 13 the interest in sex is understandable but the way it is expressing itself is troubling.
((((((big hug)))))) Is there a peer support group you might be able to use to share with other parents in similar situations? Would the policeman be willing to talk to your son about the potential criminal charges r/t this? (if it would mean something to him that is)
How is he doing in school? Friends? Sports? Other?
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Unread 02-14-2017, 04:22 PM   #3
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Default Re: My son's internet abuse

Quote:
Originally Posted by winter4me View Post
Are you, and your son getting any professional help? This sounds really serious.
Is your son able to understand consequences of behaviors? At 13 the interest in sex is understandable but the way it is expressing itself is troubling.
((((((big hug)))))) Is there a peer support group you might be able to use to share with other parents in similar situations? Would the policeman be willing to talk to your son about the potential criminal charges r/t this? (if it would mean something to him that is)
How is he doing in school? Friends? Sports? Other?
We have a social worker but I guess there is a limit to what she can do. She came to the school today to talk to our son as he was trying to hang himself with his belt. She is coming around again to see us in 2 days.

Apparently he did all this because he is upset that often I want my own space and want to be left alone. It looks like I might need to plan to spend more time with my son.
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Unread 02-14-2017, 04:26 PM   #4
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Default Re: My son's internet abuse

He's seriously out of control. I'm sending you strength. I hope you find professional support for him and keep all involved safe.
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Unread 02-14-2017, 06:51 PM   #5
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We have a device called Torch which runs thru our server & allows us to control every screen device in our house.
I'm wondering if this would be helpful to you. You can block content, sites, remotely shut devices down & put timers on them.
I can go on each device & see the history of what they've been watching.
I'm hoping the best for you & your son.
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Unread 02-15-2017, 08:09 AM   #6
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Default Re: My son's internet abuse

Quote:
Originally Posted by Data View Post
We have a social worker but I guess there is a limit to what she can do. She came to the school today to talk to our son as he was trying to hang himself with his belt. She is coming around again to see us in 2 days.

Apparently he did all this because he is upset that often I want my own space and want to be left alone. It looks like I might need to plan to spend more time with my son.
Does he need inpatient treatment? Or a day program?
Is there any structured activity that he does, or would engage in? (a sport for instance...) Is there any activity you and your son can engage in together that 'works' in a healthy way?
My heart goes out to you. Do ask the social worker if there any other resources in the community you might be able to take advantage of.
((((hug))))
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Unread 02-15-2017, 08:10 AM   #7
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Default Re: My son's internet abuse

& don't forget that you need, and must have, some time for YOU in order to be there for him.
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Unread 02-16-2017, 04:56 AM   #8
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Default Re: My son's internet abuse

Quote:
Originally Posted by winter4me View Post
Does he need inpatient treatment? Or a day program?
Is there any structured activity that he does, or would engage in? (a sport for instance...) Is there any activity you and your son can engage in together that 'works' in a healthy way?
My heart goes out to you. Do ask the social worker if there any other resources in the community you might be able to take advantage of.
((((hug))))
I think inpatient treatment would be overkill and he would never get it here in the UK under our National Health Service.

I am planning to do some basic construction work in our house on the weekend and he might join me in that. I have also decided to devote a few minutes a day just to talk to him, so he knows he is not being rejected.

I will ask the social worker this evening.

Quote:
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& don't forget that you need, and must have, some time for YOU in order to be there for him.
Yes this is true and herein lies the conflict. I work full-time as a software developer. I work part-time as an associate lecturer (adjunct instructor) in computer science. And I run a group that goes on walks. Plus I have to deal with my family....
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Unread 02-16-2017, 07:01 AM   #9
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Default Re: My son's internet abuse

In a thread just a few months ago, you described your son doing the following: "He has threatened us with knives, messed up our house, tried to break into properties, threatened a local shopkeeper with a plank of wood, and is often aggressive and unreasonable.

This week he has had some after school detentions for silly things. Also a policeman came around to give him some advice: don't make bomb threats. He rang up his school on 12th May saying it was going to be blown up.

On Friday the deputy head of his school rang to say that he has been chasing another boy from the school and threatening him with a brick. Apparently he threw the brick into the road where there were cars, although he did not hit one. The boy's mother was in tears."

Your son is a danger to you and to other people -- a serious danger. I don't think inpatient treatment sounds like overkill at all. His behaviors are headed toward seriously and perhaps criminally harming someone. Please work on impressing to authorities/doctors, etc. how serious his behaviors are and how vital it is that his treatment be handled with more intensity and clear intervention. You owe that to the people around you because at that point that he does step over that line into illegality and harming another person, you are going to the the ones held ultimately responsible for the behaviors of your minor child.
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Unread 02-16-2017, 08:15 AM   #10
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Default Re: My son's internet abuse

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolagrace View Post
In a thread just a few months ago, you described your son doing the following: "He has threatened us with knives, messed up our house, tried to break into properties, threatened a local shopkeeper with a plank of wood, and is often aggressive and unreasonable.

This week he has had some after school detentions for silly things. Also a policeman came around to give him some advice: don't make bomb threats. He rang up his school on 12th May saying it was going to be blown up.

On Friday the deputy head of his school rang to say that he has been chasing another boy from the school and threatening him with a brick. Apparently he threw the brick into the road where there were cars, although he did not hit one. The boy's mother was in tears."

Your son is a danger to you and to other people -- a serious danger. I don't think inpatient treatment sounds like overkill at all. His behaviors are headed toward seriously and perhaps criminally harming someone. Please work on impressing to authorities/doctors, etc. how serious his behaviors are and how vital it is that his treatment be handled with more intensity and clear intervention. You owe that to the people around you because at that point that he does step over that line into illegality and harming another person, you are going to the the ones held ultimately responsible for the behaviors of your minor child.
I understand what you are saying but we are talking about a vulnerable 13 year old boy here. This service would not be available in our community in these circumstances.
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