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Old 05-16-2015, 11:03 AM #1
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Default Worried about nephew, need help.

My nephew is almost 14 and very angry.

I've noticed he seems to be attracted to boys and girls, but says he only likes girls. The issue is, he seems to be feeling shame for liking boys too. I've tried to talk to him but he just lies, he told me recent that he thought a boy was sexy, but then says he never said that and he doesn't remember saying that.

My concern is if he is dealing with self hate or shame for his feelings then he may become self harming or try to ignore them and grown up being unhappy and angry all the time.

I'm gay and was just as angry when i was his age because I didn't want to be gay. I was always taught it was wrong and friends always made it out to be a bad wrong thing. When I finally got help then I accepted who I was and was not angry or ashamed of who i was.

We have always been close and I've been there to dry the tears and be loving and supportive but he even said recent that he was embarrassed and angry and wanted to forget the past. He always wanted me to hold him and wait on him hand and foot. Which i know I babied him and I may not should have. But I feel like he may think that he is attracted to guys because I'm gay.

When he was old enough I told him I was gay and he began crying telling me I didn't make you gay. It made no sense.

Recently, I went as far as telling him, If you need me to not be in your life to be happy then I can do that. It's heartbreaking and I don't know what to do. He does want me in his life and wants me to txt him daily and play video games.

The whole thing is confusing for me. I do know his parents told him repeatedly that it was wrong to want to see me and hang out with me. He called me cry and told me about it and then stated he knew where i lived and could walk there and i could adopt him. He constantly talked of emotional and mental abuse from his parents. But now it's like he is just ashamed of everything. Help!
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Old 05-16-2015, 11:40 AM #2
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Default Re: Worried about nephew, need help.

this sounds heartbreaking
maybe he's known he's liked boys for a long time and that's what the "i didn't make you gay" meant?
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Old 05-16-2015, 11:53 AM #3
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Default Re: Worried about nephew, need help.

I asked him when he was 12 if he liked girls and he said no, then asked do you like boys, and he said why do you want to know. He has a girl friend now, but she is a tomboy and likes guy stuff. And now, he says he always liked girls. I brought up the past and he was just silent. I just hope he figures things out, but it seems he blames being friends with me for his feelings at this point.

IDK, I'm just confused and heartbroken. I asked if it would be best if i was not in his life but he said he doesn't want me to leave and he would be angry.

To make it more confusing, he wants me to txt him daily saying, love you, miss you, or hug*. Because it makes him happy he said. I told him, don't you think you're to old for me to keep txting you this stuff?, and he says no.
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Old 05-16-2015, 09:32 PM #4
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Default Re: Worried about nephew, need help.

awh sounds like maybe you're the only person he's getting that kind of love from. you did say he's talked about emotional and mental abuse from his parents. i don't think it would be best for you to not be in his life, perhaps he's feeling abandoned already?
you talked of his parents not wanting him to be around you. because you're gay? if that's the case then i'm sure even if you tell him it's okay he's probably terrified of it being true because his parents will treat him like they treat you.
maybe just remind him that you'll always be there for him and that you won't leave and talk to him about your relationship (or lack of) with his parents. air things out a bit.
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Old 05-17-2015, 07:43 AM #5
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Default Re: Worried about nephew, need help.

Thanks, that sounds like a good idea.
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