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Old 02-09-2015, 02:38 PM   #1
livmag
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Default Having Trouble Understanding an Issue/Need Help with a Kid

Hello. A boy aged ten that I nanny seems to be obsessed with joking about death and blood. I've only been watching him for a few months. It could be his best friend rubbing off on him because the kids have mentioned that his best friend also likes to joke about these subjects. However, I'm still wondering what it signifies? He never talks about it with any true evil intent that I can see. The only major issue I know about in his life is the recent divorce of his parents. I find that he likes to argue against me. Last week it was simply to tell me off regarding politics by repeating something his dad must have said to him. He informed me of his party affiliation, because I said something that hinted of mine days before. I said that I didn't think the level of political division we have in our country is really a good thing. He responded that he would like there to be a civil war.... I try to be kind and fair to all of the kids. He has a twin who is a girl. Then a younger brother. I don't know what I did that makes him want to constantly set himself up against me. He also gets frustrated quite easily sometimes. One day he was knitting something and it got caught on something and tangled and he started shrieking and screaming these angry, high-pitched screams. I just went over and untangled it for him. I find it hard to understand kids sometimes. What did I do to make him not like me? Any ideas about what could be wrong?
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Old 02-09-2015, 09:15 PM   #2
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Smile Re: Having Trouble Understanding an Issue/Need Help with a Kid

Hello livmag: Unfortunately, I don't know enough about child psychology to be able to offer you insight with regard to what's going on here. My thinking is that you handled the yarn incident perfectly. You didn't react. You just went over, calmly, & untangled the yarn. Then you walked away. I think if you can continue to apply that kind of logic to the other situations you find yourself in with him, you'll be doing as much as it is possible for you to do.

It sounds as though having the child seen by a child psychologist would be a good idea. However, that's not anything you can accomplish. So I would just recommend that you continue to practice "non-reactivity". For some reason this boy feels the need to get a rise out of you at every opportunity. Continue to avoid playing his game. My best wishes to you!
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Old 02-10-2015, 11:13 AM   #3
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Default Re: Having Trouble Understanding an Issue/Need Help with a Kid

It makes me a little sad to see the current trend of trying to label any child doesn't fit into the mold that society has created today.

Yes, perhaps he's having difficulty adjusting to divorced parents, but that wouldn't be anything unusual at all...
Children are NOT all the same--they are individuals. We need to remember that.

I'm not at all attempting to know what's going on here, simply giving another point of view.

And btw, I assume that you know not to argue with a child
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Old 02-18-2015, 11:15 AM   #4
SabinaS
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Default Re: Having Trouble Understanding an Issue/Need Help with a Kid

Kids process things by acting out, playing, drawing. I think it sounds normal for a 10 yr old to be obsessed with death and blood... joking about it might be his way of processing this new knowledge. For what it's worth, my 3 year old tells me he's going to kill me a lot, I'm not worried about him turning into a psychopath, it's his way of dealing with anger and aggression. I feel very sorry for the boy, his parents are getting divorced, which is a horrible horrible thing to go through, he's most likely very angry about it but perhaps feels unsafe being angry with his parents, so you are getting the brunt. It actually might be a good reflection of your relationship, that he feels able express his emotions with you. You just need to maintain boundaries in a firm but kind way, not easy. Good luck!
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Old 05-03-2015, 02:47 PM   #5
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Default Re: Having Trouble Understanding an Issue/Need Help with a Kid

Learning something new from here
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