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Old 01-05-2019, 09:19 AM   #1
AB2371
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I have a bad habit of minimizing my emotions or feelings. I have strong feelings of grief, sadness, emptiness and concord with myself and I often don't know how to get that along with others. I don't feel like I am better than anyone else, and like to think my agreements are open to discussion(for lack of a better word), but I often feel that I am distance from others(not myself) and there is no space between that is safe for me.
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Old 01-05-2019, 04:05 PM   #2
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I would like to change my social habits, but don’t know where to start. I say that I am distance (correction distant) from others, and at times I also feel so distant from myself. I keep many interests, I rarely find time to merge them together into something productive. Maybe what I am seeking here, on PC, is the inspiration to be my own muse. Maybe to not feel so alone, but I insist on keeping my mind active (as lazy as I am).

From the beginning. (sorry if my writing is confusing)

My goals for 2019. Exploration of self through depravity, fulfillment and structure. No longer dependent on another (if that is possible), and in recourse. I ask the question “is this gift for me?”, because so many times in my life I have been given a gift that I did not know how to accept but accepted anyway (or didn’t). Today, my family offers me things and advice I do not want. Will I ever be at home with myself?

One small panic attack today. was able to work through. thanks for listening

Last edited by AB2371; 01-05-2019 at 04:24 PM..
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Old 01-06-2019, 07:19 AM   #3
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I hope you have a great 2019. I think being yourself and being at home with yourself are excellent goals.
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Old 01-06-2019, 07:45 AM   #4
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Thank you, Yzen. I wish the same for you too
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Old 01-06-2019, 07:47 AM   #5
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Working on changing my habits including self awareness through continued exploration. Depravity, more like self-discipline and acceptance. Again, I am accepting of myself, but would like to learn to be accepting of others and accepting of criticism. I am finding time to hear the birds everyday, rather than shut out the world. I think I may have experienced nocebo in past treatments and don’t want to force myself into another upset. My resources are exhausted or elsewhere. Personal interaction is irreplaceable. Family therapy doesn’t allow much time for ‘me’, separate from ‘them’, only ‘us’, and (for me) is actually much more challenging than normal therapy. I am not interested in defending myself, or altering anything about myself (by demand), but there needs to be middle ground.

Thank you for listening

[“Good morning" frozen habit
What do you mean?
Do you mean to wish me a good morning or do you mean it is a good morning whether I want it or not
Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning. Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?
All of them at once I suppose]
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Old 01-06-2019, 09:14 PM   #6
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This feeling is a feeling of disappointment, disappointment in myself. "Is this gift for me?" Yes, I believe it was and I will make the most of it. I am not responsible for you. You are not responsible for me. All I need is faith. I have faith. I believe. I believe in rainbows and clouds and warm sunshine.

Thank you for listening
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Old 01-08-2019, 08:13 AM   #7
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Is OCD really a problem? I know I hold onto unhealthy habits, but I am not ready to let go yet. Taking small steps. Honestly, I am ashamed of what I have been spending my time on (a normal amount of shame). Too much input and not enough output. I am ready to focus on what I want and take the next steps to get there. Also, I've become interested in exploring magic. I am not too fond of the idea of not knowing (again, I need to learn to let go a little), but I am fascinated by it.
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Old 01-10-2019, 06:50 PM   #8
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Recently, I have evaluated my personal relationships. I know how important personal interaction is for the pcyche, and I wouldn’t trade a single relationship for the world. But I feel more confidant in my belief that it is never okay for someone to take the reigns at all times. How important is it to share authority in a relationship? Is it healthy to need to be the one in control of every interaction? How many out there feel this way? I am sorry I can’t explore my personal ‘particulars’ (a word a past counselor would frequently visit)with you all. Regardless, for me, it is not healthy to never be in control of my part of a relationship. When others advance too close to me, my instinct is to back away and put my priorities on ‘pause’. Not healthy. I have taken my mental health progress in strides but struggle to see my authority in other aspects of my life. Should I welcome in all the in all the sunshine and darkness
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Old 01-12-2019, 05:58 PM   #9
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Ok, I don’t love magic. My mind is pleading for a vacation. I swear, the earth is right here in front of me and I’m hiding in a closet. I did nothing to deserve this. Is this ‘gift’ for me? Yes, I believe so
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Old 01-15-2019, 08:30 AM   #10
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My family therapy appointment was cancelled. My dad, like my actual father (not my step-father or uncle or father figure), texted to tell me he wanted to speak with the doctor alone. I thought he was asking me to ‘let him know when the appointment comes’, but he was talking about a package that was delivered in the mail. I snapped at him and said “I think you can manage that for yourself”, and “its under your insurance anyway and I don’t want to talk about it”. I want to go to therapy next week but am also very anxious because the therapy office is right next to the hair salon and I have not had a proper style in a while, nor can I afford a fancy one. Completely off-topic, my sister needs me(and hates me) and I want to be there for her but I can barely express myself without causing an upraor. That’s my goal though. To be there for myself and my sister and my family.

Still trying to take baby steps. Brrr. It is cold outside. Was it always this cold?
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