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Old 12-04-2017, 12:46 PM   #1
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Unhappy Forgiving oneself

The best advice I get from friends, family and my therapist is to forgive myself for my mistakes...

..how can I do that enough to balance my negative feelings?

I have made a lot of mistakes and my negative thought never let me forget them, and the frustration of being angry with myself consumes me to the point where I cannot function: I make more mistakes, I lash out, I hit my head against things...

I am looking for ideas on how I can slowly forgive myself without taking steps in reverse. I have tried things such as music, meditation and writing but none of them stick the way I want them to.
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Old 12-04-2017, 07:41 PM   #2
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What you wrote is pretty-much exactly where I'm at to a large extent. (Oh... & by the way... I don't know to what extent you're hitting your head against things. But take it from me it's a very bad idea!) I don't know what mistakes you've made of course. My personal perspective is that there are some things one simply cannot forgive oneself for. That's where I'm at personally. So what I strive for is simple acceptance. I am the person I am & I did what I did. That's it.

I know you mentioned you've tried meditation & it didn't stick the way you want it to. But there's more to it than simply following your breath, or whatever technique it is you've tried. My personal perspective is that there aren't any great answers to these kinds of problems... no magic solutions you just happen to have not heard of before... & once you find it all will be well. I wish there were!

For my money, as the saying goes, if one is looking for techniques for achieving self-forgiveness or even just what I refer to as simple acceptance, there is no better resource on this earth than the book: Start Where You Are- A Guide to Compassionate Living by the American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön (Shambhala Publications.) As Ani Pema writes in this book... you can imagine you are the worst person in the world. That's a great place to start! But you can't just get a copy of the book from the library or wherever, read it & set it aside. You have to read it over-&-over. Underline significant passages. Dog-ear important pages. Keep going through it until it falls apart in your hands! Practice the various techniques. (One doesn't have to be a Buddhist to do it.) It's not a miracle cure. But, over time, I believe it can help you to get to where you want to go better than anything else I know of. I wish you well...
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"The mind knows right and wrong. Breath makes no distinction. If we concentrate our breath and don't let the mind interfere with it, it remains soft and pure. Who else but a child can do this?" Chiao Hung (1541-1620)
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Old 12-05-2017, 09:54 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
. . . As Ani Pema writes in this book... you can imagine you are the worst person in the world. That's a great place to start!
I can definitely do that!
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Old 01-31-2018, 09:22 AM   #4
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Hello azureknight88,
forgive me if I post in an old thread, but your message just got to me. I hope you're feeling better.
I know from personal experience how painful it is to end up making the same mistakes time after time, even though you try with all your might not to do so. I still haven't found a way to forgive myself, so I can't offer you any real advice. But please remember that it's not your mistakes that define you, and that you're not the sum of them nor do they subtract anything to the amount. They're a part of you, but they are not you. You is so much more than that.
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Old 02-01-2018, 12:02 AM   #5
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Default Re: Forgiving oneself

unfortunately nobody else forgetting when i bad on them
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