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topherlee75 07-15-2017 02:33 PM

Stopping overthinking and self sabotage
Iíve spent so much time in my life trying to prove to others that Iím worthy, that I am someone. That my life matters.

But in reality, the one person I have always forgotten to make sure to include in that was myself. I think we all see approval from others (ok, not all) is because we donít know how to seek approval from ourselves. We do not know how to make our own selves happy, make our selves smile.

Or if we do, we want to share it with someone elseÖ and when that someone else isnít thereÖ

For me that overthinking begins.


I do have hobbies. I do have things I "enjoy" doing.

But I've decided to make a change in life.

I got fired last week, and after much deliberation and thought of all the different directions I could go... I decided to go with the "just stop overthinking it" route and too a job that seems a few steps back in my career, but it is making things a bit simplistic. I have responsibilities, but just my own customers and work. No other employees or management. Just me.

Now. I can start to have a life for once.


I don't know how to actually 'enjoy' life if that makes sense. I don't get any excitement out of anything. I don't know how.

Or does that even make sense?

I'm done making others happy. I don't want anyone to MAKE me happy.

Just teach me how to be.

Little Lulu 07-16-2017 01:19 PM

Re: Stopping overthinking and self sabotage
Wow. You have such good insight that you need to learn to care for yourself and create a life that works for you. That alone is amazing! And that you were willing to accept a job with less responsibility without beating yourself up, knew it was a good move for you ... that takes a lot of courage :-)

As for knowing how to enjoy life? Maybe giving yourself permission to really enjoy those hobbies you like is a good start. Following your own 'star' is the only thing in life that really works but you do have to be willing to let go of what others are thinking of you and for most of us, that is the hardest part. My ego screams louder than my authentic self (!) so I have to be vigilant to tune it out and go on with what is right for me.

You are on an brave and exciting journey. Keep up the good work :)

topherlee75 07-16-2017 01:24 PM

Re: Stopping overthinking and self sabotage
My ego is currently screaming his head off right now.

I'm fighting it.


salus 07-29-2017 03:25 PM

Re: Stopping overthinking and self sabotage
I overthink everything

topherlee75 07-29-2017 03:29 PM

Re: Stopping overthinking and self sabotage
Lol. I'm doing it again today. Cleaning to try to stop it.

Leyla 08-06-2017 12:06 PM

Re: Stopping overthinking and self sabotage
good for you on doing a job and the only person you have to answer too is you. your right we all care too much what other's think. i once the self confidence kicks, and you work on finding your authentic self and what makes you happy.

you will find that inner peace you are looking for.

topherlee75 08-06-2017 12:33 PM

Re: Stopping overthinking and self sabotage
I'm in a spot now I'm beginning to lose grip. The job is to working out so well. The money would be great if the hours where there but I'm sitting on my butt. If this keeps up I'll lose everything, which isn't much but I will.

I don't know if I will be able to make my mortgage next month. Much less the rest of my bills.

So I've got a decision to make. I feel like I was lied to when I was hired about the work load, so do I ask the supervisor about this, or do I call an old boss and talk to him?

I'm kinda stuck. And sad. And lonely. And really not doing well. At all with this. I'm feeling very unwanted and the overthinking is swirling and it won't stop.

profound_betrayal 01-12-2018 11:07 AM

Re: Stopping overthinking and self sabotage

i can relate.

just browsing & came across your post, which i note is not recent. I hope that this means that you've found a solution & all is going well enough for the new year.:D

i have never lived without stress in my life (home environment).:( it was always so - either more or less .. sometimes even less .. , but always stressful! :(

although so much was behind me, i found myself in the land of vague ...
i thought of prisoners (movie, shawshank redemption) who are freed (!!) after years of imprisonment, being free:cool: - and yet, not knowing what the heck to do :eek: with this freedom! Not the same of course, but the confusion, the lack of identity, self purpose ...

these is a thread her re life affirming activities maybe you could check them out to 'start out small.' Relaxed get to know sessions ... see what stays with you, helps you relax, what you are drawn to & eventually, time will help.

Best pb

profound_betrayal 01-12-2018 11:20 AM

Re: Stopping overthinking and self sabotage
one more thing ...
sassanddass posted in this forum:

3 books - might be useful .. good luck :)

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