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Unread 06-05-2017, 09:55 PM   #1
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Trig I found my mother dead and can't cope

Hi. I found my mother dead September 18 and can't cope and haven't been doing very well. None of my family speaks to me, my Mom was all I've ever known. Just looking for people with similar situations that might be able to give some advice. I hope to hear from you.

For those who have lost their mother, I'm so truly sorry for your loss.

Last edited by CANDC; 06-06-2017 at 09:21 PM. Reason: create new thread
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Unread 06-07-2017, 04:07 AM   #2
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Default Re: I found my mother dead and can't cope

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom and the connection to the family. Family was not there for me either and I can relate but perhaps there is a friend or consider a counselor to reach out to. You don't have to shoulder this alone. I know sometimes I could only take things one moment at a time. The feelings felt so overwhelming but with deep breaths and letting them pass, became less daunting over time. Be sure to take extra special care of yourself right now and in the days ahead. My heart aches with you for your loss.
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Unread 06-07-2017, 07:41 AM   #3
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Default Re: I found my mother dead and can't cope

I'm so sorry you're experiencing such pain right now. You did a good thing by reaching out for support. I'm facing the physical and mental decline of my mother-in-law, who has been like a mom to me. I'm dreading the day she passes away, although I know it is probably going to happen sometime in the next few months to a year. (My husband may also have cancer.) I'm terrified of losing the two people I am closest to in the world. I know I will need support for myself when it happens. So I would like to offer you my support and listening ear while you are going through it. Please keep posting here at PC and let us know how you are doing. You don't need to go through it all alone.
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Unread 06-07-2017, 05:17 PM   #4
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Default Re: I found my mother dead and can't cope

I am so sorry for your loss.
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Unread 06-08-2017, 02:06 PM   #5
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Default Re: I found my mother dead and can't cope

Hi ajpj1213. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry for the loss of your mom. That must be very painful. The loss of a parent is not easy.

My experience is different than yours in some ways, but losing a parent is never easy. I saw my dad dying over several years. Every time I visited him, something else was gone. Eventually he hardly recognized me. It was so sad. I thought when he died that I would feel better but the grief just is keeping on over 1/2 a year later. Losing a parent for me is like losing part of myself. I have had to reinvent myself and start over in a sense.

Hope you find the support you seek.
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Unread 06-11-2017, 06:28 AM   #6
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Trig Re: I found my mother dead and can't cope

Thank you everyone for letting me know there's others out there that care. I didnt get a chance to really say whats going on so I thought I'd do that now as I can't sleep. Again. The past few years have been very hard on me. In july of 2014 I got a call saying my Dad had fallen down, was in the hospital and the doctors didnt think he was going to make it. It turned out to be liver failure and he lived for about a week. It was really heartbreaking watching him deteriorate so fast. The last couple days he was really confused and angry. He begged his wife not to have him cremated but she did it anyway and didnt have a funeral just a bbq. At that moment I thought it was the hardest thing I'd ever go through. After that my mom became very depressed, my dad was her best friend, they had been highschool sweethearts, and even though they weren't together anymore she was depressed, especially because my dads wife wouldn't let her see him before he passed. She also had a lot of pain in her back and hips from being a cosmetologist and for thelast few years her doctor had her on oxycodone. Both of my parents were alcoholics, my dad had to get a pacemaker and difibulator because of drinking and thats also what caused the liver failure. My moms drinking had gotten worse after he died to the point of missing work. She also started drinking and driving which caused her to wreck her car to the tune of 10000$ in repairs. There was nobody else else involved, in fact we dont even know where she wrecked but we searched the news asked the police nothing was reported. After that whenever she started drinking, I lived with her, I would take her keys and lock myself in my room with them so she couldn't get more alcohol. She would get mad, bang on my door and call me names but I didnt care because I didn't want her to get hurt or her to hurt anyone else. The day she died started live every other Sunday, she was pounding on my door at 7 am for her keys so she could go get donuts. My husband and I ate a couple donuts with her and went back to sleep. (we were up till 5 am cleaning up water that had overflowed from the washing machine and flooded the house.) a couple hours later I was woken up by loud music coming from outside. I found my Mom passed out in her car with the doors locked and the radio up really loud. I ended up getting her out of the car, she was wasted, and into her bed. I told her she needed to sleep for a while to sober up, she looked at me and had tears in her eyes and said she had been talking to my dad all morning. I got kind of mad and told her to stop using him as an excuse (she"d been drinking since I was a baby) and to go to sleep then went back to my room and back to sleep. My husband and I woke up a couple hours later and decided to go get ice cream. I opened my bedroom door and walked out to the living room and my husband went to the bathroom thats right next to our room. Thats when I saw my mom sitting in front of our refrigerator with her head rested against it. I thought great, she fell again and went to start the long process of getting her up and to her bed. I called out to her a couple times while walking towards her and she didnt respond so I shook her sholder and my heart jumped out ofmy chest. She was really cold and the side of her face was purple, I screamed for my husband and he came running. I grabbed my phone and called 911.The few minutes it took for them to get there felt like forever, they went in the house and said it was too late. The didnt even try to resuscitate her. I spoke to the police and was sitting outside when I looked at my phone and noticed I had a text message and voicemail both from my mom. We live in a mobile home and dont get very good reception in our room so I didnt even have a missed call. I opened the text and all it said was "I love you" then I listened to the message and thats what is causing me the most pain out of everything, the voicemail said "beana please help me". Thats what made me lose it, she had died from acute intoxication due to the combined effects of morphine and ethanol. Her doctor had prescribed her the morphine $ith the oxycodone and she didnt tell me about it. It was ruled accidental so she didnt commit suicide but her message... She needed me and I was sleeping 20 feet away while she died. I dont know if she was coming to my room for help or what happened and I'll never know, all I have are those messages. I still live in her house and see that image everytime I walk out of my room. I keep thinking I could have, should have... It hurts so bad, my mom was all I've ever known, my family has never been in my life and now threy wont talk to me at all and my Aunt says its my fault. I feel like it is...
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Unread 06-11-2017, 06:17 PM   #7
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Default Re: I found my mother dead and can't cope

So sorry for the loss of your mother. It's not your fault and don't let anyone put that on you. You've been doing the best you could under those circumstances.
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Unread 06-14-2017, 11:42 PM   #8
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I am sorry for your lost
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Unread 06-15-2017, 05:53 PM   #9
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I am so very sorry for your loss.
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Unread 06-17-2017, 06:59 PM   #10
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Default Re: I found my mother dead and can't cope

I'm so sorry for your loss and the traumatic way it occurred. Are you getting therapy? Perhaps a grief group might help you? I think a lot of hospitals and hospices offer them.
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