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Old 10-22-2018, 09:46 AM   #1
whispershadow
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whispershadow "there's only so much you can do to keep some things alive" Gnomeo and Juliet
 
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Trig Letter to a friend

Dear friend

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me there. I should of made myself available that night for you but I went to sleep and missed some of how much you was struggling that night

I know I should of stayed online for you and that is something I'll have to remember for the rest of my life

I remember many a time we'd chat privately with each other about real life stuff that had happened and about other stuff that was going on, even when others didn't want us to I still visit your facebook page, my friend, and still see facebook posts from the only other friend from that place that stuck with you

I remember I came back online after sleeping to find the news that you was gone, you'd been through too much

Possible trigger:


If I'd been there for you, you may of sent me a message to talk to me about how you was feeling that night and I may of been able to do something to help but I did nothing

I can only apologise in my heart to you every day and hope I can do better next time someone's in that much distress

I'm sorry, Diana (fresh hell), my friend from a different forum
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"After all we'd been through, I needed to believe there was still hope"
"All that was left was a memory and the pain of the poor creatures who had suffered. But there are always survivors" Jessie - Animal Farm 1999
"I didn't lose my mind it was
Mine to give away
Couldn't stay to watch me cry
You didn't have the time
So I softly slip away" No Regrets Robbie Williams
For you, Ebony https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5gwNSq2OdU
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Old 10-24-2018, 03:13 PM   #2
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Default Re: Letter to a friend

Oh, my, how sad. Please know that she ultimately made her choice, and we don't know that your trying to help would have even worked. Have you considered talking to a therapist about any guilt you're feeling?

By the way, we on these internet sites should not be expected to try to "save" people from themselves and Psych Central has an official policy for people to not post such "threats" about that. We are not professionals. And even professionals aren't successful all the time. Okay? Please try to get yourself out of thinking that you were responsible for not being there. It's a sweet letter, though. And I wish she could read it. I think she would take you off the hook if she could.
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Old 10-24-2018, 03:25 PM   #3
whispershadow
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If I save another member here, will that cancel out the fact I didn't save Diana (fresh hell)?
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"After all we'd been through, I needed to believe there was still hope"
"All that was left was a memory and the pain of the poor creatures who had suffered. But there are always survivors" Jessie - Animal Farm 1999
"I didn't lose my mind it was
Mine to give away
Couldn't stay to watch me cry
You didn't have the time
So I softly slip away" No Regrets Robbie Williams
For you, Ebony https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5gwNSq2OdU
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Old 10-24-2018, 05:24 PM   #4
Travelinglady
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Default Re: Letter to a friend

Please don't worry about trying to save anyone here or anywhere else, dear one.
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Old 10-29-2018, 08:13 PM   #5
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Default Re: Letter to a friend

Hi whispershadow. Travelinglady makes a good point.

Guilt is natural after a loss but finding ways of letting go makes life more joyful

These links may be of interest
Survivor’s Guilt, Traumatic Events and Chronic Pain – Living with Chronic Pain

5 Tips for Dealing with Guilt
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And sorry I could not travel both...

I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
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Old 10-31-2018, 03:07 PM   #6
whispershadow
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I wish you'd of been able to hold on until Ebony came to me, then stories of Ebony may of helped you

It does feel at times like I *have* to save others, cause it's happened in the past where I got blamed for not "saving" another living being (twice in fact, there was Beauty girl cat irl and the rescue charity thought I let her go too soon when it was on the vets advice) and there was a online friend (not fresh hell but another member of the same forum I met fresh hell on) who kept messaging me wanting me to help and would explode at me if I wasnt online all the time, he thougth I had to be online all the time just in case he needed help, I get it cause real life professionals were doing nothing to help him, but I ended up having to block him simply cause if I tried any more to help him I wouldn't of been able to "save" myself, I had to try and "save" myself and I couldn't do that with him taking all my energy

I probably failed him as well like I failed fresh hell
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"After all we'd been through, I needed to believe there was still hope"
"All that was left was a memory and the pain of the poor creatures who had suffered. But there are always survivors" Jessie - Animal Farm 1999
"I didn't lose my mind it was
Mine to give away
Couldn't stay to watch me cry
You didn't have the time
So I softly slip away" No Regrets Robbie Williams
For you, Ebony https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5gwNSq2OdU
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Old 11-02-2018, 05:10 PM   #7
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Itís a sweet letter ((((((( hugs )))))))
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Old 12-05-2018, 03:08 PM   #8
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Trig Re: Letter to a friend

Wisper, this is a very sweet letter, and I thank you for it. I am dealing with the loss of my Sister In Law Connie, who passed today from illness. My guilt is similar to yours. She passed alone. I found out Monday evening, after I had payed my home taxes, that Sunday night She was life flighted unresponsive, and Her Son, and my brother didn't have a way to get to the hospital. I do realize I wasn't responsible to be there, or get them there, but the guilt of knowing she passed alone is hard to bare. Just know, as I have to, we are not responsible for others. My brother should have had transportation for his family. I am very angry at him bc all he ever though of was him self. As with your friend, she was responsible for her actions, not you. There wasn't anything ether of us could have done to change the outcome.
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Old 12-21-2018, 10:35 PM   #9
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Default Re: Letter to a friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by whispershadow View Post
Dear friend

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me there. I should of made myself available that night for you but I went to sleep and missed some of how much you was struggling that night

I know I should of stayed online for you and that is something I'll have to remember for the rest of my life

I remember many a time we'd chat privately with each other about real life stuff that had happened and about other stuff that was going on, even when others didn't want us to I still visit your facebook page, my friend, and still see facebook posts from the only other friend from that place that stuck with you

I remember I came back online after sleeping to find the news that you was gone, you'd been through too much

Possible trigger:


If I'd been there for you, you may of sent me a message to talk to me about how you was feeling that night and I may of been able to do something to help but I did nothing

I can only apologise in my heart to you every day and hope I can do better next time someone's in that much distress

I'm sorry, Diana (fresh hell), my friend from a different forum
I lost my brother in law to suicide.
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Old 12-21-2018, 10:37 PM   #10
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Default Re: Letter to a friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by katydid777 View Post
Wisper, this is a very sweet letter, and I thank you for it. I am dealing with the loss of my Sister In Law Connie, who passed today from illness. My guilt is similar to yours. She passed alone. I found out Monday evening, after I had payed my home taxes, that Sunday night She was life flighted unresponsive, and Her Son, and my brother didn't have a way to get to the hospital. I do realize I wasn't responsible to be there, or get them there, but the guilt of knowing she passed alone is hard to bare. Just know, as I have to, we are not responsible for others. My brother should have had transportation for his family. I am very angry at him bc all he ever though of was him self. As with your friend, she was responsible for her actions, not you. There wasn't anything ether of us could have done to change the outcome.
That is great advice!. It is hard when it is out of our control
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