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Old 03-20-2019, 10:25 PM #1
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Angry Online "friends"

-sigh- I've never been good with people leaving, despite that being ironically the most constant thing throughout my entire life. It's just not the same people. When I was little it was divorce, then family moving away, friends moving away it's really the same. But apparently I've never handled it well, but up until now I hadn't though much about the past and the present as being similar. People still leave it's just that I met them in a different way. And I do not take it well. At. All. And that's the huge problem with supposed friends over the internet. They're so temporary. The relationships that were supposedly so intimate crumble so quickly. People get lives, they find other things to do. And no matter how close they claim you are, or how much the say they love you, they leave you without a word the second they find something better to do. I don't know if it's just me or if everyone hates it. But really, REALLY? I especially hate it when the person goes on about how great friends you are. Is it just my way of thinking? Does everyone else just have a different definition of friends from me? Because to me you make time for friends. Friends stick around even when you get busy. Friends come back. You tell them what's going on. You don't just disappear without a word. Yet that's what people online do. The hazard of not knowing someone face to face. It's not fun. It's more than just disappointing to realize the person you shared your secrets with is never going to talk to you again. So what, am I just stupid? Illogical? Unrealistic? Immature? Do I just really need to get off the computer and get a life?
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Old 03-21-2019, 01:12 AM #2
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Default Re: Online "friends"

I don't think you are asking too much at all. Friends don't just abandon you without explanation. Heck a true friend shouldn't abandon you at all IMHO. I understand that life happens but how hard is it to send someone a message explaining what's going on? It's called courtesy.

To answer your question I do not believe that you are stupid, illogical, unrealistic or immature. You have just had the misfortune of running into discourtesy people that don't know how to be a real friend.
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Old 03-21-2019, 06:18 AM #3
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Default Re: Online "friends"

Some internet friends only stay with us for a short time before moving on; their friendship, ephemeral.

Looking back, I hope I'd become a stepping stone to the next chapter of their lives. We give what we can, we help when they ask and that is all we can do unless they feel the need to move on. The feeling of hurt remains, but that, sadly, is life.

On the other hand, I've known a Canadian woman for some 12 years. We met on an MSN fanfic site and enjoyed terrific times back then. Last year she visited us and stayed, bringing her fiance. See? Internet friendships can last, but we have to put in a lot, nurturing the friendship and being patient with one-another.

My teen daughter has been firm friends with a girl same age, and their rapport is great! Her friend's parents know, which seals their friendship well because the two are growing together in friendship, and in a healthy way. Kind of lovely when young internet friends genuinely get on.
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Old 03-21-2019, 07:06 AM #4
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Default Re: Online "friends"

Quote:
Originally Posted by rise13eyond View Post
-sigh- I've never been good with people leaving, despite that being ironically the most constant thing throughout my entire life. It's just not the same people. When I was little it was divorce, then family moving away, friends moving away it's really the same. But apparently I've never handled it well, but up until now I hadn't though much about the past and the present as being similar. People still leave it's just that I met them in a different way. And I do not take it well. At. All. And that's the huge problem with supposed friends over the internet. They're so temporary. The relationships that were supposedly so intimate crumble so quickly. People get lives, they find other things to do. And no matter how close they claim you are, or how much the say they love you, they leave you without a word the second they find something better to do. I don't know if it's just me or if everyone hates it. But really, REALLY? I especially hate it when the person goes on about how great friends you are. Is it just my way of thinking? Does everyone else just have a different definition of friends from me? Because to me you make time for friends. Friends stick around even when you get busy. Friends come back. You tell them what's going on. You don't just disappear without a word. Yet that's what people online do. The hazard of not knowing someone face to face. It's not fun. It's more than just disappointing to realize the person you shared your secrets with is never going to talk to you again. So what, am I just stupid? Illogical? Unrealistic? Immature? Do I just really need to get off the computer and get a life?


I like helping out on a website called blah therapy (it's a site where people vent about what they need to to a listening ear), you can also choose to be the ventor if you need some help.

it's a great site, and I've shared some really interesting conversations their (both as a listener and a ventor)

even though people say to me, oh thank you for helping me, thank you for being around when no one else is, you offer a chance for them to develop the friendship away from the site (by email for example), and ask if they want to update you on how things are going- and it's like, no, that's okay, I have all the information I need now

and you think well, charming

I also used to have a good friend from miami florida. she decided that she wanted to close the website she ran and cut ties with everyone who knew about it (including myself), and I found that hurtfull- because, well, she was a good person, very interesting
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Old 03-21-2019, 07:09 AM #5
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Default Re: Online "friends"

I also lost my friend linzy because I destroyed her battleship in an RPG game, so she thought that in real life I was that person, all mean and destructive

the only reason I destroyed her battleship was we were having a space war in the game, and her ship was on oppositte sides to mine (the bad side, we were the good side)

how childish
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Old 03-21-2019, 09:32 AM #6
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Default Re: Online "friends"

I think people have different ideas of what a friend is. Maybe the other person thought of you as an acquaintance? In any case, I understand why it would hurt.

I have abandonment and neglect issues, and I used to be really devastated when I got unfriended. I think it's rude when people end a good friendship without warning or a goodbye note. As I heal myself, I begin to see these things as a sort of blessing in disguise: if these people really cared about us, they'd want to stay friends. If not, let them go. We can make better friends. They are better, healthier friendships waiting for us, out there.

I hope you can heal from this and stop hurting soon.
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Old 03-21-2019, 09:40 AM #7
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Default Re: Online "friends"

I have actually been surprised by how some of my long time Internet friends actually just disappeared. Like... after all those years, do they not care? I don't talk about falling out with friends, just those who one day are gone, and most likely still alive. It might be a while between I talk to some people, but I never keep them hanging forever.

I've also had those who did stay in touch so I shouldn't complain too much.

But generally it seems like people think friendships shouldn't last. It seems like their honest attitude. I have no idea where that comes from. So strange.

Sometimes when I reconnected with some disappearing on me ages ago, they all seem genuinely happy to hear from me. So I don't know whats up. I guess sending an email once in a while is just too much effort.

Also I do understand I value friends more than they value me. Part from those who actually always stuck with me.
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Old 03-21-2019, 02:13 PM #8
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Default Re: Online "friends"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raindropvampire View Post
I don't think you are asking too much at all. Friends don't just abandon you without explanation. Heck a true friend shouldn't abandon you at all IMHO. I understand that life happens but how hard is it to send someone a message explaining what's going on? It's called courtesy.

To answer your question I do not believe that you are stupid, illogical, unrealistic or immature. You have just had the misfortune of running into discourtesy people that don't know how to be a real friend.
Well evidently abandonment IS something you do, given that it happens so much. I still have yet to learn that maybe growing such close relations with people thousands of miles away is not a good idea.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Velvet Lounger View Post
Some internet friends only stay with us for a short time before moving on; their friendship, ephemeral.

Looking back, I hope I'd become a stepping stone to the next chapter of their lives. We give what we can, we help when they ask and that is all we can do unless they feel the need to move on. The feeling of hurt remains, but that, sadly, is life.

On the other hand, I've known a Canadian woman for some 12 years. We met on an MSN fanfic site and enjoyed terrific times back then. Last year she visited us and stayed, bringing her fiance. See? Internet friendships can last, but we have to put in a lot, nurturing the friendship and being patient with one-another.

My teen daughter has been firm friends with a girl same age, and their rapport is great! Her friend's parents know, which seals their friendship well because the two are growing together in friendship, and in a healthy way. Kind of lovely when young internet friends genuinely get on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
I like helping out on a website called blah therapy (it's a site where people vent about what they need to to a listening ear), you can also choose to be the ventor if you need some help.

it's a great site, and I've shared some really interesting conversations their (both as a listener and a ventor)

even though people say to me, oh thank you for helping me, thank you for being around when no one else is, you offer a chance for them to develop the friendship away from the site (by email for example), and ask if they want to update you on how things are going- and it's like, no, that's okay, I have all the information I need now

and you think well, charming

I also used to have a good friend from miami florida. she decided that she wanted to close the website she ran and cut ties with everyone who knew about it (including myself), and I found that hurtfull- because, well, she was a good person, very interesting
Charming of course. You get a whole bunch of friends online and then they all leave and then oh you no longer have any friends at all! Isn't that great. Then you get to start over from scratch only for the same thing to play out.
A lot of times it would help to even know what's going on. I'm still really upset over someone who left and never said anything, except in this case it wasn't as much that they left as they said nothing. They came to me told me they loved me, how great a friend I was, then not weeks later decided to go offline and deleted all their account, they told about 2 people and those people then had to tell everyone else, I am still really pissed that I had to hear about it second hand when I was under the impression we were close.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KD1980 View Post
I think people have different ideas of what a friend is. Maybe the other person thought of you as an acquaintance? In any case, I understand why it would hurt.

I have abandonment and neglect issues, and I used to be really devastated when I got unfriended. I think it's rude when people end a good friendship without warning or a goodbye note. As I heal myself, I begin to see these things as a sort of blessing in disguise: if these people really cared about us, they'd want to stay friends. If not, let them go. We can make better friends. They are better, healthier friendships waiting for us, out there.

I hope you can heal from this and stop hurting soon.
I kinda do want to think that I just have a different definition of friend. Because clearly the way I approach it is different from others.
I'm now inclined to think that the words "I love you" have no meaning at all. Don't give me the BS and say you love me when you forget about me so easily.

Quote:
Originally Posted by -jimi- View Post
I have actually been surprised by how some of my long time Internet friends actually just disappeared. Like... after all those years, do they not care? I don't talk about falling out with friends, just those who one day are gone, and most likely still alive. It might be a while between I talk to some people, but I never keep them hanging forever.

I've also had those who did stay in touch so I shouldn't complain too much.

But generally it seems like people think friendships shouldn't last. It seems like their honest attitude. I have no idea where that comes from. So strange.

Sometimes when I reconnected with some disappearing on me ages ago, they all seem genuinely happy to hear from me. So I don't know whats up. I guess sending an email once in a while is just too much effort.

Also I do understand I value friends more than they value me. Part from those who actually always stuck with me.
I seldom reconnect with friends. It's not that I don't want to, I can't. Either because I no longer have a way of getting in touch with them or they just don't respond.

It's all just a pain. If they're going to leave you as soon as you get comfortable then why bother doing so in the first place.
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Old 03-21-2019, 04:23 PM #9
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Default Re: Online "friends"

I'm sorry you are let down and hurt. I can see why you'd be fed up. It's so hard to trust other people. I've had it happen to me where someone was friends with me for 6 years, and she had gone to teach English in Japan. While there we were Facebook friends and she even tried to coax me into joining her in Japan to teach as well. A month later, she unfriended me with no explanation. Nothing. Not even when I messaged her to ask why. It was very mystifying.

I empathize with you and I hope you will find better, more loving friends.
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Old 03-21-2019, 04:25 PM #10
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Default Re: Online "friends"

As I get older, I realize that a lot of people are just not good with emotions or with being emotionally aware and mature. Maybe the other person didn't realize they were hurting you? Maybe something happened in their life and they got distracted? In any case, it would be courteous to explain things to you.
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