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Unread 01-10-2017, 05:45 PM   #1
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Default Why people get annoyed when you decline their help

I've always wondered why some people seem to get annoyed when I decline help from them. If I really needed help, then I would ask or allow someone to help me but if I don't need help, then I feel like it should be respected. Most people don't care but I've had some people say I should be more accepting of help from others after I have politely turned down assistance from others, since it wasn't needed.

It is not that do don't like it when people help, it is just that I don't like it when people help when I clearly don't need any, especially if I told them so. Any reasons on this? I've had people ask if I am afraid to ask for help. It is like, no, I just simply don't alway need help amd will only ask or accept help when needed. Anyone understand why this happens? Just kind of confusing and annoying. I know whether I need help or not and if I need it, then I will ask or accept help.
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Unread 01-10-2017, 10:01 PM   #2
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Default Re: Why people get annoyed when you decline their help

Just wonder if the way they read what you writing as a request for help with a situation even though your intent of your writing is not to want help.. sometimes we have to specify that we are venting & dont need of want replies or suggestions for help.
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Unread 01-11-2017, 05:34 AM   #3
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Default Re: Why people get annoyed when you decline their help

Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Just wonder if the way they read what you writing as a request for help with a situation even though your intent of your writing is not to want help.. sometimes we have to specify that we are venting & dont need of want replies or suggestions for help.
No I am talking about in real life situations.
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Unread 01-11-2017, 09:30 AM   #4
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Default Re: Why people get annoyed when you decline their help

i know what you're talking about, rdgrad.
i must seem to appear very inadequate because people are always asking me if i need help. i don't. i need to do it myself.

but, it is a gesture of kindness for them to offer; another of life's little lessons in kindness to others. this time it is OUR turn to be kind, and thankfully decline, with the explanation that "i need to do this myself, Thanks".

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Unread 01-11-2017, 12:35 PM   #5
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Default Re: Why people get annoyed when you decline their help

It is a fine line between helping someone and controlling them. Thus some were more interested in having some control over you.
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Unread 01-11-2017, 12:59 PM   #6
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Default Re: Why people get annoyed when you decline their help

Some people just like to feel superior I think.They feed off of helping those they think are 'less than' them.

I have a friend like that,always telling me what I should or shouldn't do,always trying to do things for me,always trying to jump in and take over.It's getting to the point where I don't even really want to talk to her anymore because even simple things I say,like when I said I needed to buy a new Christmas tree ,she started saying she would go buy one and drop it off to me.It gets annoying,and I am realizing that she thrives on feeling she is superior.

And some people,like my husband,are just people pleasers and derive self esteem by being liked by everyone,want that pat on the back all the time,want to hear how helpful and kind they are,it makes them feel good about themselves.

I am sure there's many other reasons,but those were the first two I thought of.
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Unread 01-11-2017, 01:08 PM   #7
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Default Re: Why people get annoyed when you decline their help

I wish someone would ask me if I need help!!!

As annoying as you find it, try not to sweat the small stuff, who knows why these people always offer you help?
Only them, and if you're not up to asking them directly, I would suggest you chalk it up to strange human behaviour and file away that info in your archives...
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Unread 01-11-2017, 05:43 PM   #8
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Default Re: Why people get annoyed when you decline their help

Banal human arrogance.

rdgrad15, will you let us know how you're going to handle these people you speak about after hearing some thoughts on this thread?

I don't think you need to be too kind in response to the person who doesn't take no for an answer.
  • An underlying insecurity
  • A genuine sense of superiority and grandiosity
  • A combination of the two

A person may have gotten good feelings about him or herself from being praised indiscriminately throughout his/her childhood, especially when they were taught to do good things by helping other people. As adults they can only feel close to people who admire and praise them. They are simply not interested in what your explanations might be, because they believe they can help you and crave those deep programmed praise signals from outside of themselves.

So how do we handle these individuals? One could try to be stern and assertive, so not to cater to their needs unless we absolutely have to. You could offer any short answers, they could stay polite as you've been handling it, and maybe you could add 'I need to leave but would be happy to accept the help when I really need it.', you could shake their hands too and get ready to leave, 'I'd be happy to listen to why I need to accept the help that I don't need, but I must leave.'. I hope you get the drift, this is one psychological way to deal with these insecure people.

Last edited by Takeshi; 01-11-2017 at 07:20 PM.
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Unread 01-11-2017, 08:08 PM   #9
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Default Re: Why people get annoyed when you decline their help

Humans are weird, I guess.
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Unread 01-12-2017, 12:54 AM   #10
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Default Re: Why people get annoyed when you decline their help

I've never heard of such a response! The lives of such people must be filled with frustration.
Person A: "Pardon me, but do you need help carrying your bags?"

Person B: "Oh, no, I'm alright, thank you."

Person A: "That *****! How dare she refuse my aid!"

I can imagine it must be unpleasant interacting with such people.
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