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Old 12-30-2018, 08:10 PM   #11
HopefullyLost1211
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Where I live it's not easy to see a therapist, and they are not included in the insurance. I tried to read books about how to overcome social anxiety, and other books on how to connect with people and make friends, but nothing worked. There are many factors that we don't have control over, and influence our lives. If we reset the clock and the same exact conditions for everyone, most likely most people will make the same choices again. I used this argument to say that what we do now is not a choice. In science there is something called the optimistic bias. People are biased to be optimistic, and to see the reality better than it is. Unfortunately, I don't have this bias, it seems. I agree about the self-fulfilling prophecy, but again, being hopeful or not is not a choice. If you were hopeful because you have a bias, and you made choices based on it, then your life would be different than if you didn't have that bias.
But I am not a born optimism SansNom. I am a born pessimist. I was raised in a dangerous place by two pessimists. I experienced trauma in childhood and in adulthood. My glass is naturally half-empty but every day I get up and write my positive list, my gratitude list, and spend all day flipping my negative thoughts. Those things are NOT natural to me...they are work. I promise I'm being honest with you. How do you explain that? I'm coming from a place of curiosity and care here. I am not negating your feelings. I am very sorry that you don't feel hopeful about your life. I do believe that hope can be created and I do not believe it is only possible for born optimists. I believe I am living proof of that.
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Old 12-30-2018, 08:15 PM   #12
HopefullyLost1211
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Default Re: Could it have been different?

"I tried to read books about how to overcome social anxiety, and other books on how to connect with people and make friends, but nothing worked."

You were on the right track! I'm impressed. Truly. You are talking about making major changes in your life...just because it hasn't worked out yet does not mean that it can't or won't.

You are on PC opening up and asking and sharing and wondering. These are the actions of an intelligent, strong, and brave person! A person who can live a happier life. I believe in you. The question is how can we help you to believe in yourself?
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Old 12-31-2018, 10:04 AM   #13
HopefullyLost1211
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[QUOTE=Sans Nom;6383230]


I'd like to invite you to share what your depression feels like on the thread below. We all know the signs and symptoms but the experience is unique for each person. I thought maybe it could be cathartic for you to share your truth...


What does your depression feel like?
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Old 12-31-2018, 10:19 AM   #14
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Default Re: Could it have been different?

[QUOTE=HopefullyLost1211;6385172]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sans Nom View Post


I'd like to invite you to share what your depression feels like on the thread below. We all know the signs and symptoms but the experience is unique for each person. I thought maybe it could be cathartic for you to share your truth...


What does your depression feel like?
Thanks. I will try to write how it feels to me sometime later
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Old 01-01-2019, 06:05 AM   #15
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Default Re: Could it have been different?

It's not about pessimists and optimists, it's about free choice, and if we have control over our lives as we like to believe. Look at it this way: if you had the chance to live your life over again, with everything being the same as it was, do you think you would have made different choices in life, and lived differently?
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Old 01-05-2019, 02:12 PM   #16
eskielover
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Default Re: Could it have been different?

It could have been different.....but it wasn't.....that doesn't mean we can't be wise enough even years later to make different choices that don't change the past but certainly change our future. This summarizes my whole life & also where I am today.....finally with a happy life surrounded by friends I never had before 2100 miles away from that past life. It was a HUGE step for me & my dog to take alone but it was the best choice & it did change the final outcome from the bad choice I had made 33 years before
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Old 01-13-2019, 10:04 AM   #17
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Default Re: Could it have been different?

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Sometimes I wonder if I could have lived my life differently given my total state of being at the time. Now I wish I have lived it differently based on the outcome I see, but at the time I didn't know or see clearly. We cannot change the past, and we hope to learn from our experiences, but what if we cannot change our destiny, and we are who we are supposed to be, and we do what we do based on our current conditions? It's nice to believe that we have control, but what if we don't?
At age sixty five and a recovering alcoholic, I've gained lots of insight. Having been an active alcoholic resulted from excruciating pain of my major depressive illness which ruled and ruined my life for forty years that I know of. I believe it was there from childhood which in those days, was unrecognized. Anyhow I do truly believe what I've written and am still trying to conquer the demons in my life. Antidepressants of every sort haven't worked; the only one that did was Zoloft for over ten years. Now I'm back on the hunt for something and have started TMS. So Far, so good, but we shall see...
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