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Old 12-01-2018, 08:15 PM   #11
eskielover
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All the people that I meet.....useful or useless is NOT something that even comes to mind. What does come out is always what interests we have in common & a common belief system brings it more into connection.

The people I knew when I lived in Calif were more the way you describe & I could not connect with anyone for 54 years. The down to earth people where I moved to 11 years ago are all friendly & we find that different common interests & common values draw us together. Sometimes it is a closer connection while we are working on a project together but the connection stays even if the close working together because of sharing that common goal. Some people we just connect with because there is just a commonality that creats a connection....not because theu are usefull or not.

That is a very ME oriented way of thinking & ciuld be looked at as very selfish & possibly very arrogant. I personally connect with other smart people who don't flaunt their intelligence & just are because it is who they are not an air about themselves that needs to be waved like a flag.
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Old 12-01-2018, 08:21 PM   #12
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Default Re: Is this how most people are?

I can't comment on what is "normal" or not, but it seems to me that you don't care about anyone but yourself and also that you think you are better than everyone else. So I am not surprised you are single. You could try therapy to figure out why you are this way, but it seems that you are happy with things the way they are, so there might not be any point.
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Old 12-01-2018, 08:26 PM   #13
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I admire your honesty in admitting some not so nice qualities. I donít know what is normal, the average person, I guess. I donít think what you describe is the average personís way of thinking. You are more an extreme, IMHO.

I have been dumped before by guys who I felt they were out to hurt me because they got some jolly out of that. Thanks for confirming.

I suppose we all technically use people for some reason, even if that reason is for love.

I think the average person would think that the reason for a party is to enjoy the company of others. Sure, they might be hoping to hook up or make a business contact too. But I hope there is a genuine good intention.
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Old 12-01-2018, 08:50 PM   #14
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I think you are normal to a large extent. I mean people like to think they are nice. They are not. Mutual interests dictate people's lives.
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Old 12-07-2018, 08:30 AM   #15
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Default Re: Is this how most people are?

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Imagine the party would lead to a drunk orgy though, would you go then?
You should not drop your therapy!
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Old 12-07-2018, 04:14 PM   #16
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I admire your honesty in admitting some not so nice qualities. I donít know what is normal, the average person, I guess. I donít think what you describe is the average personís way of thinking. You are more an extreme, IMHO.

I have been dumped before by guys who I felt they were out to hurt me because they got some jolly out of that. Thanks for confirming.

I suppose we all technically use people for some reason, even if that reason is for love.

I think the average person would think that the reason for a party is to enjoy the company of others. Sure, they might be hoping to hook up or make a business contact too. But I hope there is a genuine good intention.

Hmm its very rare for me that I encounter a woman who I find physically and psychologically attractive. There were only two such girls in my life and both of them were scaring me. I couldnt lie to them (and I always lie), I couldnt even offend them. I wasnt just scared of them but also of my fragile self.

But there were many dozens of girls who I wasnt interested in yet preferred to keep them around me. All of them were adding unique value to my life. For example one was utterly stupid yet extremely good looking and cheerfully optimistic. Her value was: being seen with her in public was adding value to me (he can get this girl!), also she was foolish enough to discuss her private things with me and it was too funny lol, then she were always in good mood which was contagious. I kept this girl around as a pet for three years.

And then the was a girl who wasnt my type but I enjoyed talking to her. Yet she began to grow into me I found it amusing to resist her hints. Instead I was feeling powerful that it was my choice not to develop a relationship with her.

This applies to all of my ex girls except for two who I genuinely liked: I was always in control, I was always initiating push/pull cycles, all of them were occasionally or sometimes crying over me, some were becoming hysterical and jealous. I highly doubt that any of them was ever feeling happy when being attracted to me. Yet there was never a girl who could leave me. In fact I keep some of these girls as rare contacts since I know that all of them would have me back if I ever knocked on their door again
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Old 12-07-2018, 05:02 PM   #17
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Yet there was never a girl who could leave me. In fact I keep some of these girls as rare contacts since I know that all of them would have me back if I ever knocked on their door again
Are you sure or are you just saying that to boost YOUR OWN ego.

Lol....I had a long distance BF in high school (late 60's as I graduated summer 1970.) This guy & I talked about maybe getting married as we had actually spent some IRL time together & we met traveling across the country. Anyway....I got a letter from him saying he had gotten married to a girl he knew in his high school. Later that summer I got another letter saying how wrong he was to get married to her & how he knew he wanted me. Lol....my response was "tough ****....you made your choice now live with it"!!!! So just because YOU THINK "all of them would have you back if yiu just knocked on their door"....your ego may have a rude wake up call if you ever tried. Most women/girls don't like arrogant guys who think that they will be at their "beck & call" whenever they want them....& there are enough of us who have learned not to answer that door ever again when he knocks.
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Old 12-07-2018, 05:21 PM   #18
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You're making all this up, right????
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Old 12-07-2018, 05:30 PM   #19
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Here is how I see the world and others. The question is: how different is it for others to experience the social interactions:

When I first meet someone I usually try to gently take over as the dominant one. The reasons I do is to quickly test the person and whether he or she is useful or useless. Also in almost any conversation I know that Im simply smarter so obviously I should lead the conversation. I know only 2 people who I genuinely think are on my level.

If the person is found to be useless then I will limit my interactions with her or him to zero or nearly zero.

If the person shows the potential to be useful (for example he has a business with an interesting product that I may help him sell for a %, a cop who may share information or its that rare someone who is able to maintain a high level conversation) then I will put on the mask of an interesting guy who the person should communicate with for mutual benefit. For example towards the businessman Id be playing the role of a great salesman with a vision and a natural talent in marketing "which can be used for mutual benefit", towards the cop I will show impressive knowledge of the stock exchange and so on.

Either way: with useful people I catch their minds and show my value.

As a result I have about 20 close buddies of both genders. New people come in (several a year) while some old who have become useless are discarded.

Im 41 and I live alone. There were about 10-12 girls who were into me during my life, I mean to the point of being ready to marry me. Yet none of them was what I truly wanted. Most of them got traumatised to a certain degree by how our relationships had ended. Right now Im single and my interest in women is declining, although I enjoy charming ladies here and there, but just for fun and to enjoy their frustrations. Oh yes I also used to torment girls as I was younger. To give them lots of hope only to ghost them later was my main trait. Sometimes I would come back to them and all of them would always welcome me back. But Id betray them again.

I visited a therapist to discuss my life 4-5 years ago, but she didnt really like talking to me so there was no second meeting.

So am I normal or not?
Not sure you will see my response, but from what you've stated here, you are not normal. Your opinions are strong and not subtle. I am that way too. Unfortunately, that may be all we have in common
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Old 12-07-2018, 05:57 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Are you sure or are you just saying that to boost YOUR OWN ego.

Lol....I had a long distance BF in high school (late 60's as I graduated summer 1970.) This guy & I talked about maybe getting married as we had actually spent some IRL time together & we met traveling across the country. Anyway....I got a letter from him saying he had gotten married to a girl he knew in his high school. Later that summer I got another letter saying how wrong he was to get married to her & how he knew he wanted me. Lol....my response was "tough ****....you made your choice now live with it"!!!! So just because YOU THINK "all of them would have you back if yiu just knocked on their door"....your ego may have a rude wake up call if you ever tried. Most women/girls don't like arrogant guys who think that they will be at their "beck & call" whenever they want them....& there are enough of us who have learned not to answer that door ever again when he knocks.
Im not making anything up. I have my own ways to get attention for my ego from.

When I meet a new person I always become complete fluid which tests and watches that person all the time. If the new person proves to be useful then I will reevaluate his or her psyche and figure out what version of myself to show to that person and how to gain their trust. Im very good at this I must say.
. This also applies to me and my ex's or "could have beens".

As a result of this behaviour of mine I wear a different face for each "useful" person. A face that this person wants to see and which would make me achieve my goals. Basic example: I know a cop who Im friends with. Sometimes, like once a year I need him to check on someone and then he shows his usefulness. To maintain that friendship I present myself as an intellectual who "knows most things". Im always polite with him as well.

If my buddies and friends had to describe me then their description would vary a lot. None of them know the real me, yet all of them get to see one of my alter egos which was tailored to keep them around and to extract the value.
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