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Old 09-22-2018, 10:15 PM   #1
Só leigheas
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Trig SH & Violent Images

I need some help. I need something.

The majority of every day I have images in my head. They're usually violent and play out really screwed up. I don't want any of this. I get urges to follow through when it comes to the SH related ones, but every time I give in it's never how it is in my head and therefore not right. Which leads me to needing to do more. The other stuff is violence towards others, like killing my mom, and I don't want to do it. I really don't want to. My pdoc says I don't have to follow through on these thoughts, but they're not just thoughts. Thoughts leave, these don't, they just get worse. I have a voice in my head telling me how to do it and he won't shut up. I've been told that this is an outcome of my PTSD and nothing else. How the **** that is, I don't know.

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this? Mindfulness only helps me so much.
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Old 09-23-2018, 04:02 AM   #2
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I don't have any advice, just wanted to say that I'm really sorry you're suffering like this
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Old 09-23-2018, 04:14 AM   #3
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Default Re: SH & Violent Images

Quote:
Originally Posted by Só leigheas View Post
I need some help. I need something.

The majority of every day I have images in my head. They're usually violent and play out really screwed up. I don't want any of this. I get urges to follow through when it comes to the SH related ones, but every time I give in it's never how it is in my head and therefore not right. Which leads me to needing to do more. The other stuff is violence towards others, like killing my mom, and I don't want to do it. I really don't want to. My pdoc says I don't have to follow through on these thoughts, but they're not just thoughts. Thoughts leave, these don't, they just get worse. I have a voice in my head telling me how to do it and he won't shut up. I've been told that this is an outcome of my PTSD and nothing else. How the **** that is, I don't know.

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this? Mindfulness only helps me so much.
Keep telling yourself it isn't real but just in your head. If you ever feel like you can't tell what is "real" from these mere thoughts then you need to go to your Psych doc, therapist, or emergency room ASAP.

Does your Psych doc know all of this (I know many of them only take 5-15 minutes with their patients)? Are you taking all your medications as directed?

This sounds awful. I am sorry you are dealing with this.
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Old 09-23-2018, 07:46 AM   #4
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Default Re: SH & Violent Images

I don't think my pdoc knows the severity of it. He just keeps telling me, "Mindfulness." And I tell him I've done that and continue to try it but I can't do it 100% of a day. It's gotten to the point where I have almost no break from it. I'm taking all of my meds like I should, I've made sure of it, but now I'm wondering what the point is with all of this happening.

I'll tell myself it isn't real but I'm afraid it'll get even worse. I promise I'll go to my pdoc immediately if I can't tell the difference anymore.
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Old 09-23-2018, 09:15 AM   #5
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Stay strong
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Old 09-23-2018, 10:02 AM   #6
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I am an anxiety sufferer as well and I am in similar situation, there are many voices in my head that chat with me, curse at me, make me depressed, and all that. I think it may be due to dissociation, but yes, anxiety/PTSD can cause this. I believe your depression/anxiety is severe, that's why you were put on antipsychotics.
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Old 09-23-2018, 12:14 PM   #7
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I am an anxiety sufferer as well and I am in similar situation, there are many voices in my head that chat with me, curse at me, make me depressed, and all that. I think it may be due to dissociation, but yes, anxiety/PTSD can cause this. I believe your depression/anxiety is severe, that's why you were put on antipsychotics.
I suppose dissociation can cause this, can't it? My T, he believes I have DID but won't put it as an official diagnosis because he doesn't want it to screw with my future. I guess becoming a psychologist means I can't have a diagnosis such as this. My pdoc brought up OCD but he's on the fence about that. My MDD is definitely severe enough to make me hallucinate and I know the antipsychotics are helping that aspect, but I still feel depressed. Next step is going on the max dose of my antidepressant and possibly upping my antipsychotic. I guess if these choices get rid of these images and urges, I shouldn't look the gift horse in the mouth. I just hate being on medication. I don't know, it just makes me feel like I'm too weak to handle everything alone. Maybe I am too weak.
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Old 09-23-2018, 01:36 PM   #8
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You're not weak at all
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Old 09-23-2018, 07:15 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Só leigheas View Post
...Maybe I am too weak.
Hi, Só leigheas. No you're not weak, as Mickey said. It really is mental illness. Very sorry you're having to go through all those things as well. ((((Hugs!))))

Quote:
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My pdoc says I don't have to follow through on these thoughts...
So, for all the years of training and learning and insights in psychology, that's all the pdoc can tell you? You're obviously struggling, and I wish I knew the answers, but surely the pdoc must have some better tricks up his sleeve? Ask them for everything they have in regards to stopping these intrusive thoughts and impulses. Ask them for a list of all the techniques and recommendations into making it stop, so you can go through and try them. I wonder if such a list even exists? It must do. Hang in there and stay strong Só leigheas.
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Old 09-24-2018, 01:28 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Só leigheas View Post
I suppose dissociation can cause this, can't it? My T, he believes I have DID but won't put it as an official diagnosis because he doesn't want it to screw with my future. I guess becoming a psychologist means I can't have a diagnosis such as this. My pdoc brought up OCD but he's on the fence about that. My MDD is definitely severe enough to make me hallucinate and I know the antipsychotics are helping that aspect, but I still feel depressed. Next step is going on the max dose of my antidepressant and possibly upping my antipsychotic. I guess if these choices get rid of these images and urges, I shouldn't look the gift horse in the mouth. I just hate being on medication. I don't know, it just makes me feel like I'm too weak to handle everything alone. Maybe I am too weak.
Yes, dissociation can cause this. Yes, the diagnosis of DID can screw your future indirectly, if you think too much about it. It's opposite in my session with my psychiatrist of how things actually go, he denies I have any diagnosis (therefore tells me I am healthy), gives me a refill, and then waves me a bye 'till the next month.


You have severe depression, and I believe it's indeed causing psychotic symptoms... although I cannot be of any help, I suggest you to spend more time in leisure and exercise some.


(I also suffer from mild depression. It's hell.)
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