Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > >



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-23-2018, 08:04 PM   #11
kecanoe
Magnate
kecanoe has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2008
Location: Illinois, USA
Posts: 2,987
My Mood: Someone please help me

10 yr Member
6,962 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Someone please help me

I had an addict fiance 30+ years ago. I asked him to move out for a few days so that I could decide what to do. To my surprise, he decided to go to IP rehab. Best thing ever for both of us. We're still married.
Not that there is any guarantee that will happen for you; it is pretty unusual. Over the years I have mentored a lot of women in similar shoes. My suggestion would be that you find one step that you can take that would move you toward being able to survive without him. Maybe start a savings account, maybe check out other school options for your son, maybe investigate what you could get if you sold your house, maybe check out refinancing or see a budgeting person. It will perhaps take a while, but with manageable steps, you can work your way out of this impossible situation.
kecanoe is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 09-23-2018, 08:47 PM   #12
Buffy01
Poohbah
Buffy01 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 1,138 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: Someone please help me

1,922 hugs
given
Default Re: Someone please help me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jovigirl View Post
what should i do? my fiance of 6 years is an alcoholic. he is mentally and verbally abusive to me every night. he drinks beer all day at work and then its vodka/diet coke all night at home. He drinks a 60 of vodka every 2 1/2 days and 24 beers every 2 or 3 days.
He tells me he doesnít want me and doesnít need me, says
ďyou canít fix stupidĒ, says Iím retarted.... tells me to F off, then in In the AM remembers nothing.
the house we live in is in my name. his name is not on any bills or anything, but he does help with the mortgage. i dont think i can afford to keep my house if i kick him out, even if i get a roomate. my 18 year old son started working with him at his hvac company as an apprentice. my son doesnt drive, so he goes to work and comes hime with my fiance. the company is paying to put him through schoool, and the owner of the company is also my fiances best friend, so if i kick him out, im sure my son would lose his job along with the opportunity to have his schooling paid for. my fiance smashed my truck up 3 years ago, so ever since, we have only had his vehicle. my mom has been driving me to work everyday and my fiance picks me up after worrk. i have no idea what to do. i feel lost and trapped. he has no intention of even trying to stop drinking, hes told me that many times. I love him, but I just cant take this alcohilism anymore. Last night he told me that alcohol was 100% more import than me. Iím so lost i dont know what to do. any advice would be awesome. thanks!
Dump him. Get a restraining order. Record this information and show it to is friend. It will get worst later on.
Buffy01 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2018, 04:34 AM   #13
healingme4me
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison Leader
Community Liaison
 
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me Needs a little reading lamp.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 42,647 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: Someone please help me

5 yr Member
6,407 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Someone please help me

Quote:
Originally Posted by kecanoe View Post
My suggestion would be that you find one step that you can take that would move you toward being able to survive without him. Maybe start a savings account, maybe check out other school options for your son, maybe investigate what you could get if you sold your house, maybe check out refinancing or see a budgeting person. It will perhaps take a while, but with manageable steps, you can work your way out of this impossible situation.
I agree with this. Also I would suggest looking into therapy for yourself or find a support group such as alanon or both. I know it's beyond difficult to detach from the words that spill forth from his mouth while inebriated as he sounds like one heck of an angry drinker but you have to. His blacking out and not remembering the next day that he said these things is a testament to the level of his illness. Therapy will help you do this.

healingme4me is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 10-02-2018, 01:59 PM   #14
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 75,358 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
45.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Someone please help me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Calla lily12 View Post
I'm sorry but you won't change him. It will be hard, but get away from him. He's being so abusive to you and you don't deserve to be treated like that.
__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2018, 03:19 PM   #15
xiximmxi
Member
xiximmxi wants to find a home where her heart is
 
Member Since: May 2016
Location: Asteroid B-612
Posts: 58
My Mood: Someone please help me

2 yr Member
59 hugs
given
Default Re: Someone please help me

A lot of people stay in toxic, abusive relationships because of circumstances... And I know it's easier said than done.
But do you really want to marry this person? Are you willing to sacrifice your daily happiness just for a house and your son's job?

Is this affecting his work or other relationships at all? Has he tried going to rehab? Or have y'all tried couple's counseling?
Is he a closet alcoholic? Are you able to talk to someone that could also talk to him about it? Maybe try recording how he is when he is drunk and show it to him in the morning?
If your fiance is not willing to better himself, there is nothing you can do.
__________________
xiximmxi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2018, 08:19 AM   #16
kreg
Member
kreg has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2010
Posts: 218
My Mood: Someone please help me

8 yr Member
4 hugs
given
Default Re: Someone please help me

Cut your losses and go. What's the point is staying?
kreg is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:08 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp


 
Helplines and Lifelines