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Old 07-18-2018, 05:02 PM   #31
raging vortex
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

I was certainly sheltered (because of my abuse), and I think it has played a huge part in not only my anxiety issues, but also my lack of understanding and experience of the world.

sometimes I am embarrassed that I know so little of what people my age should know

and that's all because I wasn't given the oppotunity to learn. the oppotunity to find out
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Old 07-20-2018, 12:33 PM   #32
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

I personally don't group together 'spoiled' with 'sheltered'. I was very sheltered growing up but far from spoiled. As for the link to being sheltered, in a round about way I definitely do feel my problems are linked. I was incredibly bullied on account my being sheltered made me different from my peers. Thank you so much mom for starting the business of my feeling scared, unworthy, and inadequate.
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Old 08-11-2018, 06:54 AM   #33
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

I found out that most of my issues, as for their existence, it all comes back to me being allowed to get away with having screaming tantrums even when I was almost a teenager and adults just shutting down rumors that I had some kind of disability. And the bullying only affected me because my childhood turned out to be a lie. Before it all happened, I didn't even have a low self-esteem and in fact, I was almost incapable of caring about what people said, like people could piss me off a little and I would not think of it again and that would be the most that people were capable of doing to me when they tried to lower my self-esteem. But high self-esteem or not, realizing everything you knew was a lie is traumatizing. Need I say more that it all comes back to my anger? As a kid, I would shout until I blew off steam. Part of me is still used to that and wishes I could do that every time I got angry.
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Old 01-06-2019, 09:27 PM   #34
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

Now I believe that I started to care about what others said at a time when so many things turned out to not be real, which was traumatizing on its own. Even if people were nicer to me, that could only have delayed my traumas.

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Old 01-07-2019, 03:03 AM   #35
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

I do believe being sheltered can cause some problems later in life, vafhj. I'm so sorry you're hurting. Sending many hugs to everyone
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Old 01-07-2019, 01:04 PM   #36
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

In a way, I was "sheltered" by my abuse.


My mother wanted to garner sympathy so she would lie about my mental health issues and purposely have me on medicine that I didn't need so I would be easier to control. If I defied her or acted out, she would threaten me with hospitalization (often times even acted on it). She also wouldn't allow me to have friends after I was around 8-9 because she told me how much I am a "danger" to other kids all over a single incident where me and a kid were pretend sword fighting with sticks and I scraped the kid a little bit. She also failed to teach me essential skills like learning how to socialize properly, how to drive, how to cook, ETC... Life has been much harder for me as a result since I've had to figure a lot of things out on my own with nobody to help me.


Even now, I still struggle with self discipline and taking care of some of my basic needs. I also am prone to fits of rage if I don't get something that I want. I've only recently (as in within the last couple of years) learned how to control this when I'm around other people. When I am at home though, something as simple as dying on a video game or getting my headphone cord caught on something when I'm listening to music can set me in a fit of rage.
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Old 01-07-2019, 05:30 PM   #37
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

I wasn't spoiled. Parents weren't capable of doing that BUT the sheltered rings true. My mom didn't drive & me parents didn't know people & couldn't drive share anyway. My life was limited to school & the neighborhood I grew up in. My parents led a very sheltered life because of their issues.

The thing is I FOUGHT it & them. I have no idea how I even knew I didn't want to live like them because it was mostly all I ever knew but I sensed there was much more out there than what I was limited to experience. From a young age I felt like being an only child they wanted to keep me their baby & that was the last thing I wanted.

I know that fighting against things I didn't want my life to be like did cause problems in my marriage & other areas of my life. I learned to fight rather than solve my problems rationally which did cause some serious problems until I finally escaped that whole family & marriage environment. It continued to cause some problems until I learned better skills to interface with people with which has only been in the last 11 years....54 years of learning to undo but it has happened with success.

The mind has neuroplasticity & can unlearn & learn new functional ways even at my age.
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Old 01-23-2019, 05:12 AM   #38
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

Despite the name being like that, this is only partially about being sheltered. I believe an even more significant amount of my problems would be because it was hard to make me conform. Most kids are afraid of what others would say, I wasn't. So when there were a bunch of botched attempts at bullying me in childhood, the most they managed to do was annoy me. You see, I only started to care about what others said when reality was starting to have an anti-me bias. Like, when I overheard two occupational therapists speculating about what disability I might have, that was pretty disillusioning. I thought to myself, "Wait, if my individuality could be attributed to being sick, why should I be proud of it at all?" Honestly, it was kind of a build-up. I guess the moments I realized there were still reasons for me to care about what others said grew more and more. I realized that so many things in life required social harmony. So many social circles would go all "you can't sit with us" on your *** if you don't assimilate. Then again, looking back, even in childhood, I recall people making jabs at how weird I was, maybe I was the one that changed, not other people.
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