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Old 05-11-2018, 05:37 AM   #21
vafhj
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

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I think you were a victim of bullying, rather than being Spoiled. You just described classic bullying. Bullying is all about control and getting attention. You were being controlled.
I may have been bullied (Actually it's a given), but most of the times I was hurt by a word, it's because there was a grain of truth in it. Yes, I didn't have to listen to every bad word that was said to me, but it's true that I coasted through childhood and failed to learn various unwritten social rules because of all the adults around me that thought I was really smart and ahead of the curve, and while sort of true, it led to the point that I thought I knew everything.

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Old 05-12-2018, 12:08 AM   #22
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

Bump....
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Old 05-27-2018, 06:59 AM   #23
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

I guess I now know how to articulate how this all had an effect on me: in the tail-end of my childhood, like when I was pushing 13, I remember noticing that I was living in a bubble and every time my bubble would get popped, somebody would just blow me a new one. I remember complaining about how unreal my life was, and to an extent, I was just being a brat who didn't know how much I had it good, but I was also right in a way. The problem here is that my childhood taught me that everything was gonna be fine. Which isn't inherently bad, but it taught me that everything was gonna be fine because somebody was gonna catch me when I fell, not because I was gonna get used to things. Now, look at me, with the mentality that if something goes wrong, it's straight to "I DON'T WANNA CLOSE MY EYES I DON'T WANNA FALL ASLEEP 'CAUSE I'LL MISS YOU BABE I DON'T WANNA MISS A THING" mode.
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Old 05-27-2018, 07:41 AM   #24
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

I was never spoiled or sheltered. Igrew up in extreme poverty with a single (abusive) mother and didn't know my father (divorce). joined the army right out of high school and worked hard....divorced an abuser after 31 years ofabuse..... I used my life story to win a scholarship and began school at 60 and am a Sophomore at 71! Life really IS what you make it...I have written my memoir anda poetry book and am a moderator of anabused survivors' group; I believe we are here to make a difference ..I was born standin' up and talkin back!
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Old 06-05-2018, 03:35 AM   #25
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

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I may have been bullied (Actually it's a given), but most of the times I was hurt by a word, it's because there was a grain of truth in it. Yes, I didn't have to listen to every bad word that was said to me, but it's true that I coasted through childhood and failed to learn various unwritten social rules because of all the adults around me that thought I was really smart and ahead of the curve, and while sort of true, it led to the point that I thought I knew everything.
Also, I have to admit that the reason why I'm still ruminating about my frenemies from when I was 16-19 is not even that I'm especially hurt by the specifics of what they said. (I mean, some of the words they said still sting, but it's the bigger picture that makes me all depressed.) As a 15 year old, I created this own hypothetical situation in my head that I was assured was gonna come true without any effort. That was what I wanted someday, and um, sad to say, but I wanted a group of friends with a very specific set of attributes, that's the friggin' problem. I mean, I'm not friendless anymore, but part of me still feels that in order to recover from my traumas, I would have to have a very specific kind of life, one that is out of reach for me.
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Old 06-06-2018, 09:52 PM   #26
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

Definitely not. We were very poor. My father had his own business fixing things like TVs, cars, tractors, etc. A lot of his clients were elderly or farmers who couldn't always pay right away. And my dad is not exactly normal to deal with. He was often angry and verbally abusive. He spanked way beyond the age it was acceptable. And I think he has Aspergers syndrome, though of course, they did not diagnose things like that when he was growing it. He talks at you, not to you. He doesn't listen to you. As a result, I don't have much beyond a surface relationship with him though I have noticed as he's gotten older, he's mellowed out a little bit. Not to mention childhood sexual abuse by an uncle (through marriage, my aunt later divorced him). We never got to go out to eat. I went to the movies maybe a total of 5 times growing up. When there was spare time, I had to help my dad with his business or work in the garden. My maternal grandparents did spoil me to the extent that when I slept over, I could watch all the cartoons I wanted (they had a color TV while ours was black & white), would give us ice cream, pick up toys for us at garage sales. At school, I never had designer clothes. I graduated first in my class, but I worked hard for it, and I didn't have any friends to speak of, just kids I'd talk to at school. I graduated summa cum laude from a large respected university (only one B in Physics II) with a microbiology major and grades higher than many pre-med students, but again, I worked hard.

Yet, I ended up with an eating disorder (anorexia), bipolar depression (misdiagnosed as major depressive disorder for 10 years), panic disorder, PTSD. I've had a lot of really rotten stuff happen in my life. I don't think I was sheltered or spoiled in any way.
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Old 06-06-2018, 10:17 PM   #27
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

Yeah I definitely think that I have been sheltered often. My parents still want me to be independent but not too independent.
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Old 06-06-2018, 10:47 PM   #28
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

Strictly bad genes.
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Old 06-07-2018, 01:50 AM   #29
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

TL;DR summation of my rants: I'm afraid of reality. Because in childhood, people unintentionally taught me that I was above following the rules of socialization with same-age peers and that I knew everything, and of course, the fallout was messy once I realized the truth. I knew they only meant to praise me, but that's the message they accidentally gave me. To an extent, it would be disingenuous to say I had a participation trophy childhood because I only received a participation trophy once at a bowling game and people did indeed praise me for my good grades, but in practice I pretty much had one because my talents ensured that I coasted through lots of things and if anything, it's more praiseworthy when someone is inherently untalented and yet they work themselves up the ladder by improving themselves. As you could see, the bubble I lived in fell apart. Also, I believe now that even if I weren't bullied in my teens, I would still have some psychological problems, they would only be milder. I would probably still see through the fact that reality is biased against me in some ways. One could only be left oblivious for so long, after all. I mean, reality is biased in my favor in some ways too, but I guess I just tend to focus on which ways life is stacked against me because I'm that kind of person.

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Old 07-18-2018, 12:00 PM   #30
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Default Re: Do you believe that some of your problems were caused by being spoiled and shelte

Another point I tried and failed to prove by constantly bumping this thread: believe it or not, it's not even the bullying that affected me all that much: I mean, it affected me, sure, but this all happened at a time when I realized certain truths that I could not accept, and I believe that the harshness could have been less if only I learned said truths earlier.
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