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Old 01-17-2019, 12:12 AM   #381
LucyD
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I made myself eat dinner today. I really didn't want to. I mean, I wanted to but I was afraid to because I'm scared I won't lose weight or will gain but I made myself. I realize that restricting as much as I have usually always ends up with an out of control binge at some point so I might as well just eat some to keep that from happening
Good for you! I've been trying to eat 3 meals a day now. You are absolutely correct about how binging starts. When I go without the things I need to eat it can and sometimes does lead to a binge. I believe our systems know what they need and I'm trying to follow that. I know I need protein, veggies, fruit, dairy and grains. I am eating less of some of these now due to dietary restrictions put on me from Diabetes but it's worth following for good physical and mental health.
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Old 01-17-2019, 09:11 PM   #382
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Good on you Blue Bird. Great thinking, this thinking leads to positive progress, I need to practice this far more often
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Old 01-17-2019, 09:24 PM   #383
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How is everyone doing now?

I have had a great day and feeling good and happy. So grateful for this and something to remember when I have the bad days.
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Old 01-17-2019, 09:57 PM   #384
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I had a pretty good day in terms of my eating disorder. I realize I have to eat. I feel upset somewhat though when I think I'm not good enough if I'm not a certain size. I feel like eating is giving up some of that "control"

I drank way too much coffee today and have been struggling with voices so I'm trying to relax. I need to cut back on the caffeine seriously. I've already felt strange and disconnected today and that's not helping. I did drink water though, more than usual so that's good.
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Old 01-17-2019, 09:58 PM   #385
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How is everyone doing now?

I have had a great day and feeling good and happy. So grateful for this and something to remember when I have the bad days.
Glad you had a good day and are feeling happy
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Old 01-18-2019, 02:14 AM   #386
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I had a pretty good day in terms of my eating disorder. I realize I have to eat. I feel upset somewhat though when I think I'm not good enough if I'm not a certain size. I feel like eating is giving up some of that "control"

I drank way too much coffee today and have been struggling with voices so I'm trying to relax. I need to cut back on the caffeine seriously. I've already felt strange and disconnected today and that's not helping. I did drink water though, more than usual so that's good.
I haven't been the size I want in many years. I'm trying to remember that my size isn't all that there is to me, there is much more. Also that it's okay to be my size. Yes, caffeine can make our symptoms act up. I have to cut back a bit on coffee myself because my ocd and ptsd symptoms get worse. Coffee, though, is pretty good for our systems except for the anxiety component. Great on drinking more water. I am having water with lemon in it. I love it that way and it is detoxing.
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Old 01-19-2019, 12:03 PM   #387
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I'm here. Having issues getting meds filled with stupid temporary insurance. Had part of a back molar break off, and I won't have dental insurance until Feb. or March. It doesn't hurt at least and it wasn't a lot that broke off, though I am sure I will be shelling out money for another crown. Even with insurance, dental work is so expensive.

Today we are having a surprise birthday party for my mom, who turns 60 Jan. 23. My birthday is tomorrow, Jan. 20 (turning 41, ugh, I'm old!), when I will run out of Adderall, so happy withdrawals to me. Exercising too much and not eating enough for it, but my weight is pretty stable though I am more compact, muscles from running I guess instead of fat. I see the pdoc Jan. 24. He will not be happy I didn't gain weight, but I didn't lose either (sometimes I go up, sometimes down). He has a stupid scale though that weighs 5 lb. less than other scales (mine, my PCP's, the dermatologist). Maybe he sets it that way on purpose for ED patients to make up for waterloading, who knows?

I need to drink some fluids to re-hydrate after running this morning. A cold front came in, and certain directions had me running against an awfully strong wind. I did eat breakfast though, raisin cinnamon bagels with margarine.
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Old 01-19-2019, 12:32 PM   #388
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

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Originally Posted by Blueberrybook View Post
I'm here. Having issues getting meds filled with stupid temporary insurance. Had part of a back molar break off, and I won't have dental insurance until Feb. or March. It doesn't hurt at least and it wasn't a lot that broke off, though I am sure I will be shelling out money for another crown. Even with insurance, dental work is so expensive.

Today we are having a surprise birthday party for my mom, who turns 60 Jan. 23. My birthday is tomorrow, Jan. 20 (turning 41, ugh, I'm old!), when I will run out of Adderall, so happy withdrawals to me. Exercising too much and not eating enough for it, but my weight is pretty stable though I am more compact, muscles from running I guess instead of fat. I see the pdoc Jan. 24. He will not be happy I didn't gain weight, but I didn't lose either (sometimes I go up, sometimes down). He has a stupid scale though that weighs 5 lb. less than other scales (mine, my PCP's, the dermatologist). Maybe he sets it that way on purpose for ED patients to make up for waterloading, who knows?

I need to drink some fluids to re-hydrate after running this morning. A cold front came in, and certain directions had me running against an awfully strong wind. I did eat breakfast though, raisin cinnamon bagels with margarine.
Good seeing you here. Missed you! I hope you'll be able to get your insurance. When I am running out of meds and won't be seeing the doctor soon enough I cut them in half so I have something at least. Do you know why you run so much? Could you possibly be avoiding some kind of feelings? I don't know but find when I do certain compulsions I'm avoiding some feelings; trying to push them away. I, too, have a back molar that broke off and it doesn't hurt either. Been avoiding seeing the dentist because of a bad experience I had at one. Who likes dentists anyways..not me at least. I hope things get better for you.
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A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. Steve Maraboli



OCD mixed with PTSD, Formerly Bulimic for 25 years, Recovering from Binge Eating Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Disorder Type 2, Recovering from Substance Abuse. NASH, Cirrhosis of the Liver, Osteoarthritis, Diabetes Type 2, Lung Nodules, Survivor of all forms of abuse

Risperidone-1 mg, Gabapentin-600-900 mg, Melatonin-5 mg., Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg.
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Old 01-19-2019, 07:41 PM   #389
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Today was a good day! I went to the gym and it made me feel happy and more connected with myself.
I'm so glad that I'm able to enjoy exercising again; and not keeping track of the calories I burn or worrying about how much I should eat after a workout... Exercise used to be a huge part of my life and my eating disorder took that away from me for many years. I'm feeling grateful for recovery
I hope everyone is doing well
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Old 01-20-2019, 03:14 PM   #390
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Question Re: Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

Well, this is my first visit to this forum...ever...anywhere. I have identified depression and anxiety...but, in reality, this area has plagued me my entire life.

I have learned (recently) that alcohol consumption triggers an intense craving for carbs...breads and candies. I mean loads.

Then, well, I need to throw up...

then, well...

I am exhausted and depressed...

then, well, husband can't see that any of these conditions/diagnoses/behaviors are r-e-a-l.

then, well...

I'll eat/drink/purge...

anybody relate?
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