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Old 11-07-2018, 03:48 PM   #21
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My Mood: Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

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I do intermittent fasting. Now I just went 18 hours. Time for some stupid food. Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2
I'm not happy that I'm out of my healthy raw foods. I don't want to eat that leftover cheese ravioli. And feel sluggish & sleepy from that. That food will put me right to sleep..
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Old 11-07-2018, 03:52 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by Blueberrybook View Post
I'm a bit depressed (the bipolar; I have been off Wellbutrin 2 weeks, it's not going well). I ran this morning though I did avoid a 2nd run after dropping my daughter off at school even though I really wanted to run more. I feel guilty now.

I don't even know if this running is so much ED behavior as OCD compulsion, don't know how to tell the difference. Though I guess some of it is ED as I like knowing I've exercised so much I likely cannot eat enough in a day to make up for the calories burned by the exercise I do each day.

But the ED is weird this time around. Before, I'd set a goal, reach it, set a lower goal, reach it, set a lower goal, reach it, set an even lower goal, and so on, never low enough. This time, I don't have a goal, just not to get above a certain weight and to maintain the weight I'm at. Which yes, is unhealthy but does not scream ED to everyone who sees me. Is that still ED behavior even though it is so different?

Though I do worry when I don't exercise that I will wake up morbidly obese the next day. I know that is not true. I have never been obese and maybe was about 5-10 lb. overweight in high school and that was with no exercise & eating whatever I wanted, not enough to get teased or made fun of for my weight. It is so stupid to worry as much as it as I do.

EDs just suck
HI! How are u doing, today? I go running too. I have OCD, too. My daily exercise does seem slightly like a compulsion to me. But I want to push myself to exercise, anyways. Cuz it's an outstanding habit! I didn't use to exercise at all. So if I compulsively do it now, I think it's a good thing. Anyways, nice to meet u here. Have a good day Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2
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Old 11-07-2018, 07:57 PM   #23
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Pdoc put me back on the Wellbutrin today. It messes with me a little (makes me randomly forget common words, spellings, phrases, being able to say what I mean in a manner that makes sense), but I will take it over the mind-numbing depression. The bipolar is mixed, so it is tricky.

I ran today, a lot. Ran in the early morning, ran again after dropping my daughter off at school.

Pdoc did not weigh me and is hopefully through with that as these past 10 years I've sort of drifted with the ED. I never want to gain weight, but I don't lose or gain much within a window of 7, 8 lb. maybe. New pdoc told me he spoke to my old pdoc (she's retiring, just working part-time, but they are in the same small clinic), and hopefully, she reassured him enough that while my weight is too low, it generally does not get scary low. There was only one occasion she was very worried & consulted a lot with my PCP, and that was right after an incident in a massage parlor. I think I just skipped IP on that one, but a month, month & a half, I was in a more stable place weightwise (though definitely not headwise).

The running is OCD and ED in one for me, I think. And it's my go-to coping mechanism. I also like being skinny, knowing I've run so much, I won't eat enough to cover all those calories burned.

I'm fine with my current weight, don't want to go lower and don't want to go higher. Just maintain.

And yet I keep running nearly every day. If it were a normal distance, that would be one thing, but I think the distance I run now, I could run a half marathon and do it easy. Actually, I could probably run a half marathon 5 or 6 days a week easily. So, yeah, definitely overexercising.

I've had compulsive exercise off and on since college. I think exercise is good but that compulsive exercise is not healthy. It takes away family time, it nearly dehydrated me to the point of passing out last Saturday, at some point, there is a place where it is just too much.

And yet, exercise is good for bipolar, good for fibromyalgia (though for that they tend to recommend walking). Some sunlight is good for you (but not too much for me; I burn easily).

I was diagnosed with anorexia when I was 19, and I'm 40 now, will be 41 in January. I've now lived over half my life with this stupid ED.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia/EDNOS, Panic Disorder, ADHD

Bupropion XL 150 mg, Seroquel 400 mg, Lamictal 400 mg, Clonazepam 1 mg 4/day, Clonidine 0.3 mg, Propanolol 10 mg 3/day, Buspar 30 mg 2/day, Adderall 40 mg, Trazodone 25 mg, Protonix 20 mg (ulcer) , Gabapentin 600 mg (fibro), Tizandine 4 mg 4/day (fibro)

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost

Last edited by Blueberrybook; 11-07-2018 at 08:09 PM..
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Old 11-08-2018, 03:50 PM   #24
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another bad day

all I had motivation to do today is eat

bad really, but I am so not coping
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Old 11-08-2018, 06:54 PM   #25
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I feel strange eating normally. I'm worried I had too many calories..
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Old 11-09-2018, 03:10 AM   #26
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Terrible pain in my shoulder. Used a tens device on it and it helped for 1 day and now it's back. I guess I just need a new body!

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Old 11-09-2018, 03:22 PM   #27
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Default Re: Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2

Barf..
Junk food is now banned from my body.
.
.
.
Here's a picture from a few weeks ago in hospital.. it's blurry...sorry but I feel this is a powerful message.
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Old 11-09-2018, 06:45 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by megabytesteve View Post
Barf..
Junk food is now banned from my body.
.
.
.
Here's a picture from a few weeks ago in hospital.. it's blurry...sorry but I feel this is a powerful message.
Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2
Welcome!
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Old 11-10-2018, 01:30 AM   #29
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Up late as usual. Can't wait for a situation to change in my life and it should this month. It will take a whole lot of stress off of me. Can't wait!

Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind #2
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Old 11-10-2018, 04:25 AM   #30
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Dammit. I ate a whole large pizza and I feel sick. I hate myself

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