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Old 12-04-2018, 07:24 PM   #231
katydid777
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I haven't had much today, but I don't have any interest in anything. I am just sitting here by the phone, waiting .
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Old 12-05-2018, 12:42 PM   #232
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Popping in to say hello. Got a lot going on right now with sick dog and bathtub backing up water and not feeling too good myself.

Take good care.
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Old 12-05-2018, 01:57 PM   #233
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In the last couple of days I've done better than usual but still I'm not satisfied. I'm very much a perfectionist, that means I'm really hard on myself when I mess up or even make small slip ups. I will do my best to eat even better tomorrow. I'm also drinking lots and avoiding sweets so that's good.
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Old 12-05-2018, 02:06 PM   #234
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Food & water weight upping my scale weight reading..freaks me out. Then I tell myself I need to eat nothing. My stomach makes all these crazy noises. It's digesting food. I haven't eaten yet today and hopefully eat the very minimum, today. I hate food. Now I have to cook more of it for my OH.
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Old 12-05-2018, 03:18 PM   #235
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Popping in to say hello. Got a lot going on right now with sick dog and bathtub backing up water and not feeling too good myself.

Take good care.
Good to hear from you. Sorry about your dog & bathtub backing up. I hope you start feeling better too
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Old 12-05-2018, 03:27 PM   #236
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Ugh! Couldn't run as much as I wanted to today, earbuds kept falling out. My old ones broke, and I ordered new earbuds (can only seem to keep the kind with the hook on while running) which got here today.

AF is supposed to start Friday; I am having bloating from that.

Pdoc thinks I am getting manicky, has upped my Seroquel from 400 to 500 mg. Seroquel is a big weight gain drug for many, not for me so far, and it had better stay that way, or I will go back to 400 mg. Actually, it's weird, I do OK on the normal Seroquel, but the timed release was bad, I was exhausted, just wanted to sleep and was hungrier than normal and had no energy to exercise. But most people have the opposite experience than mine. I'm just weird, I guess.

Pharmacy had to order the extra 100 mg Seroquel, so I will start it tomorrow night.

Feeling so lazy not exercising much. I hate EDs. I need to get back to the point where the ED is not consuming as much of my life as it is. Maybe if I'm less manicky, it will help?

I'd like an end to mixed bipolar anyway, though often I crash & burn into depression or complete emotional numbness after mania (I haven't been mixed this long ever, since the end of March 2018, possibly as early as Jan. 2018 from my old pdoc's notes, they said something like "heading toward mixed?"). But my full mania usually ends in bad depression. I am hoping this is hypomania since I'm still sleeping around 5 hours a night, not awake all night or getting 2 hours broken sleep, tops. Though last time, the pdoc got the BP mania stabilized (and she had a job of it), and then the panic/anxiety disorder shot through the roof. I just feel like I can't ever win. Oh, and then the ED decides to run for first place from time to time. I can't say it has ever gone 100% away, but it's definitely been better. There were even some times it rarely bothered me, or I 100% ignored the ED thoughts and invalidated them with what was real versus my perceptions of real.

Sorry to go on so long. I get hypergraphia more & more when manicky. My last manic episode, I couldn't stop writing to save my life, post-it notes, papers, notebooks, writing scrawled everywhere, and it was practically automatic; I just could not stop until I was pulled away.
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Old 12-05-2018, 05:26 PM   #237
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Good to hear from you. Sorry about your dog & bathtub backing up. I hope you start feeling better too
I really appreciate that! My dog seems to be very sick, may take her to the Emergency Vet tonight if she gets any worse or the regular Vet. tomorrow. My Ocd is off the wall from the worrying I have been doing. Can't eat today.
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Old 12-05-2018, 05:44 PM   #238
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I'm actually doing well today. I feel like the healthy part of me is getting stronger. I had a lot of issues recently with my schizoaffective bipolar symptoms and I think that plus stress was making may have caused the ED stuff to reemerge in such a big way.

The past few days have been really good though. I feel at peace
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Old 12-05-2018, 07:59 PM   #239
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I'm actually doing well today. I feel like the healthy part of me is getting stronger. I had a lot of issues recently with my schizoaffective bipolar symptoms and I think that plus stress was making may have caused the ED stuff to reemerge in such a big way.

The past few days have been really good though. I feel at peace
It's wonderful to hear good news
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Bupropion XL 150 mg, Seroquel 500 mg, Lamictal 400 mg, Clonazepam 1 mg 4/day, Clonidine 0.3 mg, Propanolol 10 mg 3/day, Buspar 30 mg 2/day, Adderall 40 mg, Trazodone 25 mg, Protonix 20 mg (ulcer) , Gabapentin 600 mg (fibro), Tizandine 4 mg 4/day (fibro)

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
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Old 12-06-2018, 12:52 PM   #240
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Started the morning off right. Gave my dog leftover (boneless) chicken breast that was supposed to be my lunch, today. I find myself doing this, lately. I just want all the food GONE..
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