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Old 05-09-2018, 08:11 AM   #1
Blueberrybook
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My Mood: i hate that this ED is always with me

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Angry i hate that this ED is always with me

I have had issues with an ED since I was 19 although to be honest, I wasn't happy with my weight in high school and was self-conscious about it. I wasn't really overweight then; I could maybe stand to lose about 5 lb., not a big deal. I got severe anorexia in college and have had off and on periods of recovery, one a long period lasting from 2003 or so until around 2012. Then, I recovered from that until I had surgery for a perforated ulcer recently and dropped a lot of weight (I had been a low-normal weight for my height to begin with). Now, I'm 40 years old, and the stupid ED thoughts are still with me, and I was happy when I saw the gastroenterologist for a checkup and hadn't gained any weight and stayed underweight (though not dangerously so). I am overexercising again, skipping meals. Even during my periods of recovery, I have ED thoughts, just not as often and I have to choose to ignore them. Right now, it's difficult because I like fitting into smaller clothes again. I feel like this stupid ED is going to be with me forever Battling the ED is so much worse than dealing with bipolar disorder, panic disorder, fibromyalgia. It is just the worst and hardest battle of my life. Just when I think I'm over and done with it, it comes back.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia/EDNOS, Panic Disorder, ADHD

Bupropion XL 150 mg, Seroquel 500 mg, Lamictal 400 mg, Clonazepam 1 mg 4/day, Clonidine 0.3 mg, Propanolol 10 mg 3/day, Buspar 30 mg 2/day, Adderall 40 mg, Trazodone 25 mg, Protonix 20 mg (ulcer) , Gabapentin 600 mg (fibro), Tizandine 4 mg 4/day (fibro)

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
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Old 05-10-2018, 07:25 PM   #2
darkrunner
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Default Re: i hate that this ED is always with me

There is a viewpoint that one can't completely recover from an eating disorder but only go into 'remission.' I kind of believe that is true. I think once you have an eating disorder even if you go through periods of recovery there is always a risk for relapse.

Sorry it seems so difficult right now.Hang in there - it will get better!
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