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Unread 10-07-2013, 12:50 PM   #1
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Default Tempted

I had a good week, a better week than I had in a long time. Part of it was that I was so busy getting my schoolwork done and tackling my prehoarding that I didn't have much time to worry about food.

That said, self-awareness is kicking in again. The ED voices are back, telling me that I have to learn to get by on less food and that it's the only way I'll ever be successful.

They're not very strong, at least not yet. Scale of 1-10, 10 being the most intense, the ED voices are at a 3 or a 4. They're suggesting that I cut out a certain amount of calories today, and tomorrow and every day this week -- that I eat just enough to make it for weigh in, but not a crumb more. And I want to listen. I want to learn to stop enjoying food so much and focus on other things so I can have a better life.

I don't want to disappoint anybody, but I am really afraid that if I don't control my greedy appetite, I'll never have a good, successful, meaningful life.
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Unread 10-07-2013, 01:11 PM   #2
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Default Re: Tempted

It may help you to think of 3 people in your life that you consider to be successful who aren't overly skinny. Success has nothing to do with weight/size, it has to do with freedom to enjoy life.
A life controlled by an ED is in no way good, meaningful or successful. It's a waste of life.

You say "I want to learn to stop enjoying food so much and focus on other things so I can have a better life", but that it a contradiction. By not worrying about the fact that you enjoy food, you will be able to focus on other things.

(If only i were able to take the advice i give so easily).

i know it's not easy though, so do all you can to challenge that ED voice.
“Change, like healing, takes time.”. Veronica Roth, Allegiant
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Unread 10-07-2013, 08:28 PM   #3
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Default Re: Tempted

Please keep fighting, keep telling that voice to shut up, to leave you alone, that you CAN and WILL eat healthy, whatever you can to let it know that YOU are in charge. I know this is hard, but as HealingTimes said, life with an ED is not at all going to get you to the life you are saying you want. Being healthy, being able to enjoy food, being able to be okay with you and your body, those are the things to strive for. Those are the things that will help you to have a better life. I know you said the voice is not quite so strong right now, which is good, but if you listen to the voice, and do what it says, it's only going to get louder. Now is the time to fight! You CAN do this. Stay strong and remember you ARE worth it.
~Make your smile change the world; don't let the world change your smile.~

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Unread 10-11-2013, 03:25 PM   #4
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Default Re: Tempted

I am in a similar place. I was doing really well for awhile and now I just feel like ED is fighting harder than normal, and I have little energy to retaliate. Hang in there. It's so worth it. I have no magical solutions on how to do this. But if you never need to talk you can always PM me, or obviously post here in the forums. I find talking with others definitely lightens the load.
“…wherever you are, you find the sun, a blade of grass, the spirals of the dragonfly. Courage consists of staying at home, close to nature, which could not care less about our disasters. Each grain of dust contains the soul of something marvellous.”

Joan Miró
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