Bulimia has came back into my life: save me.....please - Forums at Psych Central


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Old 04-16-2012, 12:30 PM #1
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Default Bulimia has came back into my life: save me.....please

At my worst I was binging and purging 5 times a day. Bulimia held me hostage for many years but I overcome that many years ago and this was when I was still a teenager(15-18yrs old). I am now soon to be 30 year old woman and it has suddenly came back into my life and I am so scared. I have always been scared of dieting because I am scared that once again that mindset I once had as a young teenager would come back. For the last 2 weeks I've been binging and purging everyday. It is an addiction that has a bind me to my knees and it is so difficult to run from. Its an endless cycle of shame, guilt that has driven me out of control. Anxiety of never being able to succeed of wanting to shed lbs has drove me crazy. I was doing so well of counting calories and working out but these last two weeks emotional/life stress threw me off of my workout/dieting routine that I turned to bulimia to take me away/numb me in hoping that I can fix what my emotional eating and anxiety had me feel like I was a failure.

Last edited by Christina86; 04-29-2012 at 02:40 PM. Reason: numbers are not permitted in this forum
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Old 04-29-2012, 02:34 PM #2
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Default Re: Bulimia has came back into my life: save me.....please

Hey Jennifer, I feel like I'm reading my own diary when I read your post... I recently turned about the same age too and started to have overwhelming feelings of failure, anxiety, and the focus turned to my body. I feel like I should be farther in life, more successful... Is that how you feel? I think these are very normal feelings for us 30-ish yr old women. I'm not going to tell you that it doesn't matter what you look like or weigh, because I know it bugs me when people tell me that. Have you tried medication for the anxiety and emotions? They are probably a lot safer than purging.
I have found that since I started coming to the ED forum, I don't need to purge anymore. I can just purge my feelings in the forum, and reading other people's stories helps.
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Old 04-29-2012, 03:25 PM #3
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Default Re: Bulimia has came back into my life: save me.....please

Insideout-

Thank you for your advice. I posted my story weeks ago and I didn't hear from anyone. It made feel a bit lonely and sad. I really appreciate your input. I'm not fond of medication but I have been seeing a therapist to help manage my stress. I wasn't seeing my therapist for the bulimia at first but now that I told her what I've been doing we're now focusing on that now. I was thinking about telling some of my close friends what I've been doing to myself. It was one of the things I did when I was in highschool and thats to tell others. I was working with a therapist when I first went for help for the eating disorder and she suggested that telling others could help me cope. What do you think about that? I felt that when other people knew what was happening it helped me not to run to bulimia as often because when I did binge and purge I felt I was letting others down so it motivated me to not purge anymore. Are you still struggling with wanting to lose weight? How can I still manage with wanting to lose weight and then not get trapped in the cycle of bulimia? I was doing so well with losing weight the healthy and normal way but things started to get so overwhelming.
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Old 04-29-2012, 06:30 PM #4
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Trig Re: Bulimia has came back into my life: save me.....please

Hmmmm... I'm thinking about what you said about telling someone about your bulimia. I wonder if that is why I don't engage in the behavior after writing about it. I think saying it outloud or writing it makes me realize how unnecessary and harmful it is.

I think what gets ME trapped in the bulemic mindset is the feeling of self loathing, anxiety, and loss of control over things in my life. Like right now, I'm so stressed and I started eating bread with butter on it. Now I feel worse and I want to eat more. And then I feel like purging because I hate myself.
I think therapy could definitely help with breaking that destructive thought process.

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Old 04-30-2012, 05:12 AM #5
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Default Re: Bulimia has came back into my life: save me.....please

I agree at times I will text my therapist or a friend just saying having urges but not going to purge, restrict, binge etc. I would recommend telling a friend or a few but take it with care and thought make sure they are supportive people, don't just tell anyone. I wish you the best of luck. You can overcome this! Please keep posting!
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