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Old 02-09-2019, 01:15 AM   #11
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My Mood: kids and divorce :( what to do.

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Default Re: kids and divorce :( what to do.

Originally Posted by findme.ifyoucan View Post
I have posted on here a few times about my unhappy marriage, but recently with the return of my youngest things have gotten wayyyy worse for my marriage. My youngest is "strong willed" to say the least and is having serious issues conforming to school rules and my husband feels I am not mean enough to him to get him to conform to the rules of the school. I will admit I am not a parent that rules through fear nor do I care much for spanking...I feel it should be used in the most extreme situation and immediately after the incident...not hours later.
Firstly, I am sorry this is so hard for you. It has been proven scientifically over and over again that punishments do not work in the long term and physical ones cause the child to fear the parent and the parent can lose control often. Adults can't hit each other when we are mad. Rewarding good behavior works better than punishing bad behavior. And consequences are not punishment.
Well this is what started it. My husband and I have agreed that I needed to take more of a stern role with him in hopes this would help so I have agreed to this and made it clear that yesterday that I wanted to handle his behavior issues and the moment by husband say my youngest get into the car from daycare he gave him a death stare that just read I hate you and I am pissed off at you. I asked him not to look at my youngest with such intensity because he is only 5. Well the moment we got home before I could even get my youngest out of the car my husband gets out and goes to the back seat and points a finger in his face and starts yelling at him and being very harsh and ruling through fear.
This is abuse plain and simple.

I make the statement that I was going to handle this and ask why he did that and he get all pissy at me at points his finger at me and starts yelling that I constantly undermine him infront of the kids and walks off.
This is an ongoing issue ONLY WITH MY YOUNGEST - his stepchild. It seems as if my husband is soooooo excited to yell and punish him and jumps at ANY chance to do so and I am not okay with it and the MOMENT I say something about it he says I am undermining him and that it is a deal breaker.
As much as I detest what your husband did you cant correct him in front of the child but I understand you have to protect the child. When you are both calm you need to tell him that anytime he is abusive with your son you will speak up. Other times you will speak to him about parenting away from the child. You have to protect your son without undermining your husband.

I am so tired yall. so tired. I don't want that kind of life for my kids. Then last night my husband tells me that if he wasn't so invested in the house then he would have already left me. I told him that houses like ours sell really fast (and they do) and that if that was his issue then place the house for sell and leave. then he yells at me that I do not tell him what to do. I replied with I am just saying staying with me for the house is no excuse if you want to leave then leave and I will take care of the house. I pay most the bills anyway so it wouldn't be too much different for me than it is right now.

I am just so done with all this. He had his affair and I have never been able to fully move past it. I don't think about it like I used to and I have accepted that it happened and we have gone to therapy but the simple truth is I can never fully trust him again.....ever and he is not okay with that.
Have you had serious counseling over the affair? I know some people can bounce back from an affair but most can't and not without extensive therapy.

I believe we now have different values and things just are not lining up.

What worries me the most is my older daughter, who is also his step daughter knows him as dad. He bio dad passed away and was a piece of trash while we were together and I remarried, had my youngest, divorced, then married my now husband and I just don't want to put her through another divorce...she doesn't deserve it honestly. She never knew her bio dad because he hasn't seen her since she was under a year old, but that is not the point here.
You do not want to put her through divorce but would you rather model unhealthy relationships with men and unhealthy marriages? Because that is what she is seeing and hearing.
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Old 03-16-2019, 07:15 AM   #12
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My Mood: kids and divorce :( what to do.

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Default Re: kids and divorce :( what to do.

OP last logged in on this site in October 2018.

It always freaks me out when one posts about living in abusive household (especially with kids being abused by their partners) and then they stop logging in. I assume the worst. I hope she got out or at least took her kids out of that house
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