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Old 11-10-2017, 05:46 PM   #21
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I’m getting pretty angry with your wife map, I don’t think I have anymore to add to this convo, nothing constructive anyways.
I will keep reading though, and know that you have my sympathies, this is a real moral quagmire.
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Old 11-10-2017, 05:55 PM   #22
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Thanks Reptile. And thanks to everyone who has replied. I don't want to wear you out--you have all given me some things to chew on. I know my situation isn't really solvable by anyone other than myself.
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Old 11-10-2017, 06:01 PM   #23
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I just want to add one more thing--I've been pretty cold and distant since I found out, with the exception of 2 or 3 moments of just breaking down with her, and she is keeping her distance from me. She's not a very confrontational person, but it seems like if she really wanted to fight to keep me, she would be doing more than what she has been doing. Clarity's a b-word.
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Old 11-10-2017, 06:14 PM   #24
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You won't wear us out. It's an awful thing you're going through.
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Old 11-10-2017, 10:49 PM   #25
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Hi Map, I initially posted a longer post but deleted it because it was a lot.

My thoughts echo reptiles last post.
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Old 11-10-2017, 11:12 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sky457 View Post
Hi Map, I initially posted a longer post but deleted it because it was a lot.

My thoughts echo reptiles last post.
Sky, I really appreciate the support. I believe I read your original comments and while our situations are somewhat different, I could really relate to your account with your ex. I would never go so far as to say that all adults brought up as only children behave the same way, but it was interesting to read about your experience. Thanks for that.
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Old 11-18-2017, 03:35 PM   #27
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Hello. I thought I would provide an update to my situation to all who were so kind to respond earlier.

It has been a very up-and-down couple of weeks since this all started. I have had moments where I thought everything was going to be OK, then moments where I couldn't pretend like everything was normal anymore. I don't need to waste all of your time describing every up and down, just that it's been wild swings.

The bottom line is this: My wife's desire is to keep us together while she pursues this relationship. She has not given up on it and is not willing to. She has told me that she wants the option of turning their relationship physical when she sees him. She wants me to accept that.

At one point I told her that I would accept their relationship and her desire to continue exploring these feelings she has for him if it remained only email/phone contact and if they did not pursue any physical contact. With her recent disclosure that she wants to be able to act on the physical side of the relationship if that arises, we realized that we are at an impasse that can't be bridged between the two of us. So we have decided to separate. She will be moving out of the house sometime in the coming weeks.

We are planning on telling the kids later today. I'm not looking forward to that conversation, but also realize that we can't continue down this path of pretending nothing is wrong. They are going to figure it out eventually.

Thanks, everyone, for reading this.
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Old 11-18-2017, 03:40 PM   #28
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I've thought of you many times, and wondered how things were going.

It sounds hellish. I'm so sorry.

The good thing is, she seems to be being honest with you now. That gives you a firm footing and chance to balance. At least you won't be chasing shadows for the next few years, confused and suspicious.
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Old 11-18-2017, 04:00 PM   #29
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Sounds like a logical outcome mapman.
How do you feel now? Now that a choice was made and gears are in motion...
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Old 11-18-2017, 04:33 PM   #30
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She is being honest, and through the mixed messages I've gotten from her the past week or so, one thing remains consistent: she does not want to give up on her other relationship.

How I feel now is still pretty raw. I think the only way to put myself back together is for us to be apart. It really makes the most sense, and it's the one thing I'm holding on to now that feels like an answer to the pain. I know that I'll continue to have a range of emotions and I'm allowing myself the freedom to let out whatever I feel needs to be released, but as long as she's still in the home I will have that constant reminder of what life used to be like before this event. And I don't think that's good for me right now.

Purple, you are right--it is pretty hellish. But I know I'm going to be OK.

Thanks again for providing support.
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