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Old 09-19-2018, 05:52 AM   #111
golden_eve
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Yes, I remember this thread, mapman, and am glad that you're doing well. Karma did come back to bite your ex wife. I hate to say it, but she got what she deserved, I feel.
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Old 09-19-2018, 10:14 AM   #112
Mapman
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Yes, I remember this thread, mapman, and am glad that you're doing well. Karma did come back to bite your ex wife. I hate to say it, but she got what she deserved, I feel.
Couldn't agree more, golden_eve! A big part of my recovery from this trauma was the support I got from so many people, including you and others here on this forum. Thank you all so much!
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Old 09-19-2018, 10:31 AM   #113
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Iím so terribly sorry. I read the entire story you posted and my heart goes out to you... in total compassion as someone who has been through a betrayal like this.

My opinion is.... Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. In my situation, I chose to leave due to my exís cheating and Iím so glad I did. My exís current wife has contacted me through social media to complain my ex is cheating on her. I expected he would do the same to her that he did to me.

Why does your ex not want to ďloseĒ you? Is she worried about making it financially on her own? I work with someone who is known to regularly have affairs but wonít leave her husband because then she would have to financially take care of herself and she canít afford to do it. I think her behavior is despicable... even more ridiculous is that all her personal problems affect her work and we have to deal with that. All of us at work had no sympathy when we learned the husband has found someone else and wants to leave her. She had a breakdown over that, once again it was unprofessionally aired at work... And all because she doesnít want to stop cheating but she canít afford to pay her own bills. Anyway, we stay out of her drama but secretly we hope her husband leaves her.

You are right to protect your emotional and mental health... financially you must also protect yourself.

I wish you all the best. There are good people out there but unfortunately there are a lot of selfish people who commit wretched acts of betrayal to the people they supposedly love the most. I hope you encounter more of the good people out there from now on.
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Old 09-19-2018, 07:51 PM   #114
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I'm very sorry, Mapman.

It sounds like she's messing with your head a bit.

She's trying to have her cake and eat it, in my opinion, but at the expense of your feelings.

Stay clear about what's happening here; she has to make a decision. Don't let her put it onto you, or wrack your brains trying to think of a solution, or contort yourself into impossible positions.

Best wishes.
I completely agree! I think she playing you!
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Old 09-19-2018, 07:52 PM   #115
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Couldn't agree more, golden_eve! A big part of my recovery from this trauma was the support I got from so many people, including you and others here on this forum. Thank you all so much!
I agree about the karma. I glad we could.all be there for you.
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Old 09-19-2018, 07:54 PM   #116
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Iím so terribly sorry. I read the entire story you posted and my heart goes out to you... in total compassion as someone who has been through a betrayal like this.

My opinion is.... Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. In my situation, I chose to leave due to my exís cheating and Iím so glad I did. My exís current wife has contacted me through social media to complain my ex is cheating on her. I expected he would do the same to her that he did to me.

Why does your ex not want to ďloseĒ you? Is she worried about making it financially on her own? I work with someone who is known to regularly have affairs but wonít leave her husband because then she would have to financially take care of herself and she canít afford to do it. I think her behavior is despicable... even more ridiculous is that all her personal problems affect her work and we have to deal with that. All of us at work had no sympathy when we learned the husband has found someone else and wants to leave her. She had a breakdown over that, once again it was unprofessionally aired at work... And all because she doesnít want to stop cheating but she canít afford to pay her own bills. Anyway, we stay out of her drama but secretly we hope her husband leaves her.

You are right to protect your emotional and mental health... financially you must also protect yourself.

I wish you all the best. There are good people out there but unfortunately there are a lot of selfish people who commit wretched acts of betrayal to the people they supposedly love the most. I hope you encounter more of the good people out there from now on.
That great advice!
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Old 09-19-2018, 07:58 PM   #117
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Open Eyes, I'll be honest--it's been years. Early on in our relationship she set a tone sexually that was pretty...disinterested. So I adjusted to her desires because she seemed to want it less than I and I got tired of getting turned down. I thought of the sex as just one component of the relationship and not the entire thing. So I fulfilled my needs in other ways without involving other people if you get my drift. It just seems like we settled into a groove that wasn't particularly exciting, but that was because that's what we both wanted.

But now as I think back to those earlier years I wonder if she was getting her needs fulfilled elsewhere and that's why she was disinterested.
It possible!
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Old 09-19-2018, 08:00 PM   #118
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Thanks Purple. It's interesting, there's a part of me that is continuing to try to minimize the whole thing--like make myself feel like it's not that big of a deal and I should get over it. That minimizing voice usually prevails, but this time my emotions, which I normally keep pretty well in check, are saying otherwise. For the first time in a long time I'm paying attention to my emotions.

And I've also been very aware that the decision is hers. I've even told her that she would need to commit to changes before I even think about what would be best for me.
It good to put up boundaries!
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Old 09-19-2018, 08:02 PM   #119
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Open eyes, you have a point but it may be a bit late, wooing someone who has betrayed you is not an easy thing to convince the ego to do.
She lied to her husband and your solution is for him to shower her with attention and affections?
Unrealistic, not impossible but definitely unrealistic.
I agree! I still think she is using him!
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Old 09-19-2018, 08:04 PM   #120
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It's such a shock to your system. You're probably going through some denial (with her encouragement).

I really feel for you. I've been in this position, as I'm sure many of us have.

I didn't even contemplate not-minding the betrayal, to be honest.
My brother mistress had stalk me. I have too sister who has multiple affairs and has stalk the wives but will never admitted it.
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