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Old 10-13-2008, 08:50 AM   #21
Pringles_Lady
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Default Re: Welcome to Divorce and Separation

this message is to Ingridave2 . i have only been officially divorced for a few months but i understand completely with what you are talking about . I have two children as well . one is 8, the other is 9. Thier father and i were together for 9 years total and during that time he was a good father , he was a LOUSY husband , but a good father . Since i left him, he doesnt seem to have time for the children anymore . he is too busy with his new girlfriend who has made it very clear to myself and my children that she doesnt care for them all that much . my youngest is a girl and she has always been a daddys girl , but now that he is gone and has a gf, she feels as if she has lost her father forever. he has weekend visitation every other weekend and he can call them whenever he wants , he only calls on thursdays before he supposed to pick them up , the kids say all he does is go and buy them things and sit on the couch with his gf, and then brings them back on sundays but that he doesnt do anything with them . they fight with me every time i say its time to get ready to go to your dads neither of them wants to go . im lost and dont know what to do . can some one help me ?
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Old 01-18-2009, 11:58 PM   #22
4everonmeds
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I am currently having the same type of issue with my ex-hub. He also was a good father but terrible husband (although i wa not perfect either) He recently got involved with someone he met online and is totally obsessed. This is his first girlfriend since the divorce and he has become a completely different person. It has gotten to the point where my children also cry and have fits when it is time to go to his house. He has been neglecting them because he is so wrapped up with this new woman. Prior to her he called almost every night to say good night, did more with them, basically just paid attention to them. I have tried to tell him this however he then accuses me of trying to make him feel guilty. I am just trying to get it through his head that he is losing his kids over a 3 week relationship. I am very concerned about the kids. I don't know what to do. It is up to him at this point to make some changes, but he doesn't agree. Thinks I am making it up and telling the kids lies.. which is not true at all. I would never put the kids in the middle of this. I only want what is best for them. I don't trust him anymore as he has been going back on his words, and missing his nights with the kids. He is just not the same person at all. It is very sad and I hope he can make some changes soon or he will lose the kids!
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Old 02-19-2009, 10:53 PM   #23
kissinbug
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Default Re: Welcome to Divorce and Separation

Quote:
Originally Posted by DocJohn View Post
This forum is for the support and discussion of those who are going through a divorce of separation and just need to talk to others.

DocJohn
Hi, I'm new as of this week-
Just need a place to get this heavy burden off my chest-I'm working to leave my emotionally abusive "boyfriend" he's negative everytime I talk to him, nothing is ever good enough or right- he doesn't appreciate anything anyone does for him, people start out liking him, but they drift away when they realize this...he's in my band, i live on his property so while I'm looking for another musician for that spot and a job for a new apartment- I have to interact with him-This 43 year old man has the maturity of a 13 year old, he's been laid off, finally had the first interview and wore shorts and sandals when they asked him to the 2nd one -"they'd have to see the real him", has an MBA, BSEE smoked pot all summer and expected me to support him with my disablity income...no I'm not perfect,I've been to a therapist about an emotionally abusive mother and I realize I've been feeling obligated to rewrite the past by pleasing an unpleasable person but I'm done, and moving on.
Here's the problem, I've been dealing with him in passing, by being involved in positive activites ( tap dance classes, community college,)but then he insists that we need to be "close" and "have conversations", which he uses as opportunities to talk about himself.
Every time I talk to him, try to give him the benefit of the doubt, it's almost always a waste of time-I try to be patient and bide my time until he finishes talking, but lately anytime I give him benefit of the doubt it's too draining, this last time it just felt like a big weight on my chest literally, like I could not breathe.
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Old 04-03-2009, 11:03 PM   #24
Preciousgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Direction View Post
Good sub-forum...having gone through a separation in 2004 and divorce in 2005...I can see the need for it as a separate area...though I've gained some strength somedays could use the the help of others...somedays I may be able to help others...
Hello,

I am so glad to have landed in this site. I've gone through separation in 2006 and divorced in 2008. I agree with Direction, we all need space and have clear path to live our life to the fullest. I also like to share experiences and help others ...

Recently I dated two men via online dating, both with qualities I like and how I wish I can find someone in both combination (real time).. It gives temporarily pleasure and excitement.. while keeping myself busy at work and meet up with my girlfriends.. hoping someday I'll meet someone I like lol.

A friend of mine said to me, to lower down my expectations... I disagreed with her... simply because, I had lowered my expectations and was married to, and now divorced, I should deserved better and should not get lower than that (my ex)...

So the points here that we have matured and learned our lessons, forgive ourselves and the one that hurt us in the past... so no one should feel low or bad of themselves after a rough divorce.. always be happy and thank God you are free ... to choose better MAN and direction.... lol
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Old 05-27-2009, 09:53 PM   #25
TUMIgirl
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Hello everyone:
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:03 PM   #26
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Hello all:
I'm hopefull this place will help me get thru and cope. My husband and I have been having problems for a while. We have trouble communicating. I'm afraid I have a lot of issues I had to face and then attempt to fix. However I had been to selfish to see it and much less get help. The worst part is he wanted to help, advising me and guiding me and I couln't do it. Now he has decided to leave. He's been gone about 2 mths. I talk or see him almost everyday. He tells me he loves me, kisses me and most of all he has expressed his enternal love for me. He just wants to be on his own with no one to answer to. It's totally killing me. I know I had a lot of maturing to do. I should have just loved him and trusted th love he has proven to me repeatedly. I have hope, as I work thru my issues that the deep profound love we have may bring us together again. Please help.
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Old 10-25-2009, 08:12 PM   #27
Heartbroken51
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I'm going a divorce myself and I have so many issues going on and all that comes along with the separation and emotions. I have 3 kids 1 adult son that is 20yrs and a daughter that is 16 yrs old and a son that is 14 yrs old. My husband is Alcoholic and it's been really bad I have been abuse also. My husband has had 2 affairs also.
My kids have seen a lot of the fighting that has happen in the last 2 or 3 yrs and then this year has been the top. So I'm ending 21 years marriage.
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Old 01-03-2010, 12:03 PM   #28
lou99pop
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Just found this, I am separated from my husband about 3 years now due to few reasons which I can't explain here until I know which one is the right forum to share. We are born again Christians, separation issues are very difficult to talk about because of others' different opinions. Could you direct me to the right forum if this isn't the right one? many thanks.
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Old 01-20-2010, 07:50 PM   #29
truelove77
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i am with someone who i love dearly, we finally feel like we found our soulmates and unfortunately, his ex wife is bipolar and is not making their divorce easy for me or him-
what do we do?
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Old 02-18-2010, 08:57 AM   #30
sharon123
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I got a divorce after 31 years of verbal and physical abuse....I am a christian; what my church did to me (very long story)....spiritual abuse...but I managed as always to make something positive come from the ashes: www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com

I am the moderator of an abused survivors' group; have written my memoir and my book of poetry (Sanctuary of the Soul) is in the process of publication. I am working hard to get on national tv to speak about verbal abuse (rarely recognized nor understood). it took The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans to save my life and sanity. I have also written a 25 page paper on verbal abuse and joined the American Counseling Association; hopefully they will eventually accept my paper.....1 in 3 women abused and every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted. These are global statistics.....

Went back to school at age 60 and won a scholarship; it wasn't academic, but what I wrote about my life.

I believe we are all here to make a difference, and I will never stop. Getting a divorce was the most excruciating, scary experience of my life; being alone is right next to death for me, but I keep on....keeping on!
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