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Old 01-20-2019, 10:45 PM   #1
AlwaysChanging2
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Iíll admit..2-3 times in a lifetime Iíve had these things that I called time jumps... but I thought it was surprisingly normal, but for the most part...I demand ulterior control and will make it so even if Others take control.

At least this keeps us consistent at best but 1/2 not.

I truly wish that I was fictitious and faking, but it just doesnít fit.

Forgive me for being ...I donít know...fakish I guess?

I just canít help to feel that being here isnít qualify able according to true specs of said condition.

I really think that I must look else where such as OSDD OR psychosis as a more relevant condition because idk..,I am not the classic DID..I alone is by myself forever I was.

Just by saying that gives me more firmness in me being me.
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Old 01-21-2019, 12:27 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2 View Post
Iíll admit..2-3 times in a lifetime Iíve had these things that I called time jumps... but I thought it was surprisingly normal, but for the most part...I demand ulterior control and will make it so even if Others take control.

At least this keeps us consistent at best but 1/2 not.

I truly wish that I was fictitious and



Forgive me for being ...I donít know...fakish I guess?

I just canít help to feel that being here isnít qualify able according to true specs of said condition.

I really think that I must look else where such as OSDD OR psychosis as a more relevant condition because idk..,I am not the classic DID..I alone is by myself forever I was.

Just by saying that gives me more firmness in me being me.
I dont think it matters. You still have Alters.

Last edited by Dnester; 01-21-2019 at 01:44 PM..
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Old 01-21-2019, 02:33 PM   #3
Amyjay
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Default Re: UnDIDish?

It turns out that "classic DID" is made up of a mixture of degrees of co-consciousness, rather than being textbook all or nothing, in terms of amnesia. I suppose it depends on so many different factors, including how many reminders of abuse there are/were in day to day life. Like if your abuse was not committed by immediate family members and only happened for a discrete period of time it would make perfect sense for alters to be more discrete and separate, and to have all aspects of abuse and associated alters completely separated from day to day life (ie full amnesia for all dissociated alters). That would have enabled the primary self state to develop and grow without the apparent effects of the trauma.

But if your abuse was a part of your every day life day after day for years on end and was perpetrated by the people you depend upon for survival, its a different thing all together. It would be impossible for some alters to be completely separate from conscious awareness all of the time. I live with this kind of DID, where there has always been degrees of alters who deal with aspects of abuse and/or daily life, and with whom overlap between dealing with life and dealing with abuse was a necessity of survival. There was never any one single self-state that had enough experience to be called "the self". Why? Because the threat of abuse was constantly present. We had to be constantly on guard to protect ourselves as much as we possibly could, while also trying to just be normal and live. There's a lot of overlap there. Our daily life parts and certainly all attachment parts were always primed to defend against abuse. It is not "less" DID. It is DID with the varying degrees of coconsciousness that were needed to be to get through.

I'm reading a few books about healing from DID at the moment and pretty much all of them say that the classic presentation of DID (with full overt switching and amnesia) throws many therapists off the scent... that the most common presentation of DID is with very subtle switching and the blending of parts instead.
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Old 01-21-2019, 03:12 PM   #4
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I really don't believe there's "classic" DID but rather some classic movies that have made people believe there is.
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Old 01-21-2019, 10:16 PM   #5
AlwaysChanging2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
It turns out that "classic DID" is made up of a mixture of degrees of co-consciousness, rather than being textbook all or nothing, in terms of amnesia. I suppose it depends on so many different factors, including how many reminders of abuse there are/were in day to day life. Like if your abuse was not committed by immediate family members and only happened for a discrete period of time it would make perfect sense for alters to be more discrete and separate, and to have all aspects of abuse and associated alters completely separated from day to day life (ie full amnesia for all dissociated alters). That would have enabled the primary self state to develop and grow without the apparent effects of the trauma.

But if your abuse was a part of your every day life day after day for years on end and was perpetrated by the people you depend upon for survival, its a different thing all together. It would be impossible for some alters to be completely separate from conscious awareness all of the time. I live with this kind of DID, where there has always been degrees of alters who deal with aspects of abuse and/or daily life, and with whom overlap between dealing with life and dealing with abuse was a necessity of survival. There was never any one single self-state that had enough experience to be called "the self". Why? Because the threat of abuse was constantly present. We had to be constantly on guard to protect ourselves as much as we possibly could, while also trying to just be normal and live. There's a lot of overlap there. Our daily life parts and certainly all attachment parts were always primed to defend against abuse. It is not "less" DID. It is DID with the varying degrees of coconsciousness that were needed to be to get through.

I'm reading a few books about healing from DID at the moment and pretty much all of them say that the classic presentation of DID (with full overt switching and amnesia) throws many therapists off the scent... that the most common presentation of DID is with very subtle switching and the blending of parts instead.
18 years of being on guard.... scared of the next moment, secrecy was tantamount...it was like living in a bomb zone and was shell shocked well into the years.

Iíve posted much about this.... and yet still it doesnít seem like it was all that bad.

I canít help to feel that Iím making a mountain out of mole hill...as usual. I hate seeing the doctors because they look at me like it isnít that bad...so I basically never go to the doctors...and when I finally do...then the same.

So, just time to shut up and sign off to quit putting my foot in it as par. Life just doesnít make sense.
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Old 01-22-2019, 10:08 AM   #6
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AlwaysChanging2, I think it's probably common to minimize abuse even without a dissociative disorder.I'm assuming it's more common and easier to do with one.

I wasn't even aware some of the things I went through were abuse.My therapist would repeat back to me what I was telling him so I could realize how bad they were by hearing him say it.

You may feel you're making a mountain out of a molehill but I really doubt you are
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Old 01-22-2019, 05:02 PM   #7
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Quote:
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18 years of being on guard.... scared of the next moment, secrecy was tantamount...it was like living in a bomb zone and was shell shocked well into the years.

Iíve posted much about this.... and yet still it doesnít seem like it was all that bad.

I canít help to feel that Iím making a mountain out of mole hill...as usual. I hate seeing the doctors because they look at me like it isnít that bad...so I basically never go to the doctors...and when I finally do...then the same.

So, just time to shut up and sign off to quit putting my foot in it as par. Life just doesnít make sense.
Maybe the evidence of "how bad it was" can be found in the legacy it left behind. From all the things you have you have written you have that evidence running throughout every single aspect of your life. When I question the same thing my t tells me "Amy, THIS is trauma. What is happening right here, right now, in this room and in your life, is trauma. THIS is what trauma does."

THIS is how bad it was, AC. Maybe its not so much making a mountain out of a molehill as the struggle to make sense/a life/normality out of chronic and unrelenting trauma.
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Old 01-23-2019, 01:15 PM   #8
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my opinion is there is no "classic DID" as in everyone is the same way. yes it is true that everyone must meet the same diagnostics in order to be officially "labeled" DID. but how each persons system of alters is set up is how ever each person with the disorder needed in order to survive....

if you feel you dont fit the disorder's diagnostics anymore you can ask your treatment providers for a new psychiatric evaluation. it is very possible to have DID and then be down graded to one or more of the other dissociative disorders as a person heals.

the OSDD that you are thinking of looking into... please keep in mind that what you find on the internet and in books does not contain the complete information about that disorder. this disorder is like a category by itself. there are dissociative disorder labels that go with each description, and other accompanying symptoms/ problems that are not listed. you will not know which of the OSDD disorders you fit into until a treatment provider officially diagnoses you with this.... when you get the diagnosis it will have the words "OSDD - ________" the space is where a treatment provider must name on the files and tell you directly which OSDD disorder you have. thats what OSDD means... a treatment provider is diagnosing you with a dissociative disorder other than the other listed dissociative disorders that are public and they have to disclose (specify) what it is from the private listing that they have for this disorder category.

my point is checking into OSDD is not something you can do alone, you are going to need your treatment providers help for this, because much of it is coded treatment providers information only. you will need to go through a formal diagnosis process for this.
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Old 01-23-2019, 07:35 PM   #9
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There is an association with psychosis and having been abused. Many people who develop schizophrenia experienced abuse as children.

I'm not trying to diagnose you. Just putting it out there. I don't think anyone can assess whether you have DID or something else over the internet. Certain people experience psychosis that could be mistaken for DID.
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Old 01-28-2019, 05:09 AM   #10
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My experience doesnít fit in the classic DID model with my lack of recurring amnesia or time loss, but I definitely have alters who take control in daily life, and I havenít always been the one up front most of the time. So, Iíve placed myself on the DDNOS side of DID. Looking at dissociative disorders as a spectrum has been helpful in reconciling the cognitive dissonance that comes from a poor clinical definition. And really after all of it, the definition and itís poor fit doesnít change any of my day to day experience, at least now.
Thank you for posting. Itís nice to know DID isnít just a list of symptoms on paper, but actual people with a range of experiences, and many that I can relate to.
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