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Old 12-06-2018, 11:38 AM   #1
raging vortex
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Default question to those with "protectors"

how do you convince your "protectors", that they are actually good for the system and are doing a good job?

in our case, our protector natalie thinks she's really bad at what she does and threatens to not come out because she's not wanted

but she is. we need her here to protect us
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Old 12-06-2018, 12:06 PM   #2
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Old 12-06-2018, 02:44 PM   #3
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Default Re: question to those with "protectors"

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how do you convince your "protectors", that they are actually good for the system and are doing a good job?

in our case, our protector natalie thinks she's really bad at what she does and threatens to not come out because she's not wanted

but she is. we need her here to protect us
unfortunately there may be nothing you can do. each persons system is set up to ensure the wholes survival and protection already through what each alters sense of agency they have. it may be for some reason you dont know yet this alters sense of agency is to be negative, as in letting others know she thinks what she says and does it bad and feeling unwanted.

maybe what will help you with your system is what helped me.... to learn the basics of how your brain dissociates, and how and why your alters were created. maybe this will answer why this alters sense of agency is what it is....

example one of my alters sense of agency was the emotions of worthlessness, bad, and other not so nice / negative stuff. while working with my treatment providers I discovered the reason that alters sense of agency was what it was, was because during an extremely traumatic abuse my abusers constantly told me these things. because I was in a dissociative state of mind these statements and attitudes of my abusers were stored in my unconscious memories and as such became an alter with this negative sense of agency.

after I understood how my brain dissociated and caused the creation of my alters it was easier for me to understand my alters could not be forced to change who and what they were.... it was just their sense of agency and all I could control was me and whether I used what I was being taught in therapy to help me to not dissociate.

my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact your treatment provider, they will be able to help you to learn what you need to in order to understand your system and do what you need to do so that this alter will no longer be causing you problems.
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Old 12-07-2018, 03:01 PM   #4
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Old 12-07-2018, 09:17 PM   #5
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Found out we have 3 protectors. Only one has come out & only recently. So we are just learning. T asked for examples of what protector had done. Then he praised him for being there to help. We didn't know what they had done.
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Old 12-08-2018, 10:40 AM   #6
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Found out we have 3 protectors. Only one has come out & only recently. So we are just learning. T asked for examples of what protector had done. Then he praised him for being there to help. We didn't know what they had done.
I found out what my protector alters did by looking at when they came out... the kind of alters that come with dissociation have their own sense of agency (what they do, how much control they have, and a bunch of other things too) the key to finding out what the alters sense of agency is, is by looking at when and why they came out. you said one came out recently, why did they come out (what triggered you to dissociate, what was the reason they had to come out to take care of things for you?)

Example when I knew Rainy had come out I knew that we had had a rain storm. that told me that Rainy protects me from rain storms/ thunder storms.

All alters are protectors in one way or another. so when you are looking at trying to find out what they do to protect you, look at why they came out. that will answer the question of what that alter does to protect you and from what.
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Old 12-09-2018, 12:41 AM   #7
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One of my protectors is named Natalie also.

What helped her was to have T see her acting and point out that it was a good thing. And, T wanted her to stick around, and wanted to know why she acted. After that, I was able to start doing the same thing sometimes. Now it is easy for me to recognize and acknowledge her, and I do appreciate her role.

T3 says that protectors are valuable because they have power and because they speak up when things are not ok. She says that every person needs to recognize when things are not ok and to speak up.
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Old 12-09-2018, 11:44 AM   #8
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One of my protectors is named Natalie also.

What helped her was to have T see her acting and point out that it was a good thing. And, T wanted her to stick around, and wanted to know why she acted. After that, I was able to start doing the same thing sometimes. Now it is easy for me to recognize and acknowledge her, and I do appreciate her role.

T3 says that protectors are valuable because they have power and because they speak up when things are not ok. She says that every person needs to recognize when things are not ok and to speak up.
Ive had a similar experience to this (with my T3)

I completely agree that every person does need to recognise when things are not ok and to speak up.. often hard for those of us (including me) who have been repeatedly abused since early childhood.
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Old 12-29-2018, 05:42 AM   #9
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Default Re: question to those with "protectors"

I have a protector. I think he's male, but I'm not sure. He only comes out when stuff truly hits the fan because he is afraid he'll hurt someone. I heard him recently. He came out for 30 seconds, tops. I was still here so I heard him. He sounds, stands, and moves differently from me, and he commands respect. He made a command which wasn't something I thought, planned, or expected to say. People did what he told them to do. Then he left. This was just before diagnosis so I laughed when I told my therapist the story because the unplanned words surprised me. This 48 year old mom dressed for work telling strangers in a random, windowless bar, in no uncertain terms, to get it together. I just now realized the part about him worrying that he's dangerous.
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