Sister visiting soon--Trigger city! - Forums at Psych Central


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-05-2018, 01:05 AM #1
Laurel1562's Avatar
Laurel1562 Laurel1562 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: Blue Springs
Posts: 63
Laurel1562 Laurel1562 is offline
Member
Laurel1562's Avatar
Laurel1562 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: Blue Springs
Posts: 63

113 hugs
given
Default Sister visiting soon--Trigger city!

One of my sisters, who is a walking trigger factory for me, is visiting this weekend to celebrate my middle daughter's graduation from nurse practitioner's school. I know she is coming for my daughter and I am happy for this as well as proud of my daughter.

However...my status as having DID or at least having named parts became apparent while in EMDR examining the trigger of hating being left out of things, specifically being not invited to things, especially being the only one not invited to something. This when I became aware of Little Billy (5) who I now know was introduced by Sandi (7).

So, while talking to my sister, she said her daughter is also coming which is cool because she is somewhat close to my daughter, but my sister announced she was hosting a girls' night out with her daughter and mine, but she did not invite me. Mind you, I know this weekend is about my daughter, but my sister seemed to go out of her way to tell me about this girls' night out and clearly did not invite me. This type of thing is typical for her and is a trigger for my older sister as well as my younger brother.

My littles, especially little Billy, are in a bad state right now and we could really use some support. My husband has been great, but he's sleeping now and he has his own stuff and my T is out of town and this is not enough of an emergency to bother him.

SCREAM!
__________________
DID, Bipolar, ADHD, Me, myself and I!
Lamictal 200mg
Laurel1562 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 12-05-2018, 05:55 AM #2
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is online now
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 9,327
MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is online now
Wise Elder
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 9,327 (SuperPoster!)

2 yr Member
29.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Sister visiting soon--Trigger city!

I'm so sorry you're struggling, Laurel1562 Yeah, that didn't seem very nice of your sister. I'm sorry you're triggered. Try not to take it too personally - hopefully, at least your daughter will be happy and have fun there, although I understand you'd feel hurt by not being there with her. Please take care of yourself. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, let us know how it goes
MickeyCheeky is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-05-2018, 07:52 AM #3
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise amandalouise is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 8,178
amandalouise amandalouise is offline
Wise Elder
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 8,178 (SuperPoster!)

10 yr Member
765 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Sister visiting soon--Trigger city!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurel1562 View Post
One of my sisters, who is a walking trigger factory for me, is visiting this weekend to celebrate my middle daughter's graduation from nurse practitioner's school. I know she is coming for my daughter and I am happy for this as well as proud of my daughter.

However...my status as having DID or at least having named parts became apparent while in EMDR examining the trigger of hating being left out of things, specifically being not invited to things, especially being the only one not invited to something. This when I became aware of Little Billy (5) who I now know was introduced by Sandi (7).

So, while talking to my sister, she said her daughter is also coming which is cool because she is somewhat close to my daughter, but my sister announced she was hosting a girls' night out with her daughter and mine, but she did not invite me. Mind you, I know this weekend is about my daughter, but my sister seemed to go out of her way to tell me about this girls' night out and clearly did not invite me. This type of thing is typical for her and is a trigger for my older sister as well as my younger brother.

My littles, especially little Billy, are in a bad state right now and we could really use some support. My husband has been great, but he's sleeping now and he has his own stuff and my T is out of town and this is not enough of an emergency to bother him.

SCREAM!
Sorry you are going through this...

Question.... how has your system handled this kind of situation in the past....

reason I ask this is because...

you are obviously an adult (your post says you have a daughter that is graduating nursing school )

DID and having dissociative type alters begins in very early childhood, my locations mental health statistics/demographics (reports by mental health treatment providers to the government and state/ county health reporting agencies) by this standard it means an adult whether they knew and had the diagnosis they were DID/had dissociative alters since the body age of before 5.

in a normal persons life time a person has many situations in childhood on up into adulthood when they find out there is an event that they have not been invited to example birthday parties, teenage get together's, dating, pool parties, weddings, memorials, school events like dances and other completely normal things that children teens and adults deal with knowing something is going on that they have not been invited to or have purposely been left out of. even between neighbors there are get togethers and such where one may not be invited to go to.

if I remember right (havent checked out your past posts yet) you went through a very fast healing process of not knowing billy was there to knowing and developed co consciousness with billy with in days and hours....... and in this post you seem to know a lot about your alters and what is going on...

my point is since you have co consciousness and such with your alters you can look back at your lifetime and also ask inside to billy and the others and
find out how you and your system has handled these things in the past. this will tell you what you need to do now.
amandalouise is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-05-2018, 10:25 AM #4
Laurel1562's Avatar
Laurel1562 Laurel1562 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: Blue Springs
Posts: 63
Laurel1562 Laurel1562 is offline
Member
Laurel1562's Avatar
Laurel1562 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: Blue Springs
Posts: 63

113 hugs
given
Default Re: Sister visiting soon--Trigger city!

Quote:
if I remember right (havent checked out your past posts yet) you went through a very fast healing process of not knowing billy was there to knowing and developed co consciousness with billy with in days and hours....... and in this post you seem to know a lot about your alters and what is going on...
Co-consciousness is not the same as healing. There are plenty of systems that have co-consciousness, but they are not integrated or healed. We are in the beginning process of treatment for DID and have a long road ahead of us.

Quote:
my point is since you have co consciousness and such with your alters you can look back at your lifetime and also ask inside to billy and the others and
find out how you and your system has handled these things in the past. this will tell you what you need to do now.
My system has never dealt with this situation well; we are always thrown into a crisis. We recall a party back in third grade when we were not invited. We asked someone about it, because we didn't know what to do and we were given bad advice. As a result, we got an invitation and attended the party, but were confronted and asked why we invited ourself. Long story short, this situation has been replayed in our mind innumerable times, always trying to figure out what we could have done better--how we could have dealt with the pain. Still haven't figured it out. It is torturous.

To repeat what I said earlier, it was through exploring this trigger that little Billy came out in therapy. In the week following, I was informed (I think by Athena) about more alters. Chaos ensued, with alters popping up and going away like Whack-a-mole, or a roulette wheel. I assure you, co-consciousness is not the same as healing. It is just a different type of system. And there is not complete co-consciousness for all alters and I loose time on occasion.

Co-consciousness is a gateway for beginning to get co-operation between alters and is needed, I guess, for integration-which we do not want by the way, preferring eventual cooperation, but if parts integrate naturally, that is fine. We are so far from healed it's not funny. And this situation with my sister is raising havoc--putting us back in what we have always experienced as an intolerable situation.
__________________
DID, Bipolar, ADHD, Me, myself and I!
Lamictal 200mg
Laurel1562 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-05-2018, 10:37 AM #5
Laurel1562's Avatar
Laurel1562 Laurel1562 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: Blue Springs
Posts: 63
Laurel1562 Laurel1562 is offline
Member
Laurel1562's Avatar
Laurel1562 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: Blue Springs
Posts: 63

113 hugs
given
Unhappy Re: Sister visiting soon--Trigger city!

Please forgive my blabbing, but I'd like to share what my experience of co-consciousness is like for sake of clarity. It does not mean cooperation. It means that I am aware of an alter or alter. Sometimes I experience it like I am sitting in the back seat of a car while someone else is driving. Sometimes it is like watching the body being hijacked and I feel like I am behind a transparent wall, watching, but unable to change what is happening. Sometime it is hearing a thought in my head giving their opinion. Sometimes it is hearing arguments in my head between alters. I am not able to read my alters minds, nor have I met them all. As I have said before, we are in the beginning of our therapeutic process. And there is a spectrum of systems, each one being different. Perhaps in yours, Amanda, co-consciousness was a great leap forward in healing. For me, it has not been.
__________________
DID, Bipolar, ADHD, Me, myself and I!
Lamictal 200mg
Laurel1562 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-05-2018, 10:56 AM #6
Betty_Banana's Avatar
Betty_Banana Betty_Banana is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 477
Betty_Banana Betty_Banana is offline
Member
Betty_Banana's Avatar
Betty_Banana has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 477

5 yr Member
195 hugs
given
Default Re: Sister visiting soon--Trigger city!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurel1562 View Post
One of my sisters, who is a walking trigger factory for me, is visiting this weekend to celebrate my middle daughter's graduation from nurse practitioner's school. I know she is coming for my daughter and I am happy for this as well as proud of my daughter.

However...my status as having DID or at least having named parts became apparent while in EMDR examining the trigger of hating being left out of things, specifically being not invited to things, especially being the only one not invited to something. This when I became aware of Little Billy (5) who I now know was introduced by Sandi (7).

So, while talking to my sister, she said her daughter is also coming which is cool because she is somewhat close to my daughter, but my sister announced she was hosting a girls' night out with her daughter and mine, but she did not invite me. Mind you, I know this weekend is about my daughter, but my sister seemed to go out of her way to tell me about this girls' night out and clearly did not invite me. This type of thing is typical for her and is a trigger for my older sister as well as my younger brother.

My littles, especially little Billy, are in a bad state right now and we could really use some support. My husband has been great, but he's sleeping now and he has his own stuff and my T is out of town and this is not enough of an emergency to bother him.

SCREAM!
Maybe you could plan some kind of fun activity while the girls night will be taking place.Like go shopping for new crayons and coloring books or watching a good movie while having candy and other snacks.Make a big deal out of it and maybe that will help.Kids are easily distracted in real life,it tends to work when they're inside kids too.

Last edited by Betty_Banana; 12-05-2018 at 11:00 AM. Reason: Spelling
Betty_Banana is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-05-2018, 11:44 AM #7
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise amandalouise is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 8,178
amandalouise amandalouise is offline
Wise Elder
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 8,178 (SuperPoster!)

10 yr Member
765 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Sister visiting soon--Trigger city!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurel1562 View Post
Co-consciousness is not the same as healing. There are plenty of systems that have co-consciousness, but they are not integrated or healed. We are in the beginning process of treatment for DID and have a long road ahead of us.



My system has never dealt with this situation well; we are always thrown into a crisis. We recall a party back in third grade when we were not invited. We asked someone about it, because we didn't know what to do and we were given bad advice. As a result, we got an invitation and attended the party, but were confronted and asked why we invited ourself. Long story short, this situation has been replayed in our mind innumerable times, always trying to figure out what we could have done better--how we could have dealt with the pain. Still haven't figured it out. It is torturous.

To repeat what I said earlier, it was through exploring this trigger that little Billy came out in therapy. In the week following, I was informed (I think by Athena) about more alters. Chaos ensued, with alters popping up and going away like Whack-a-mole, or a roulette wheel. I assure you, co-consciousness is not the same as healing. It is just a different type of system. And there is not complete co-consciousness for all alters and I loose time on occasion.

Co-consciousness is a gateway for beginning to get co-operation between alters and is needed, I guess, for integration-which we do not want by the way, preferring eventual cooperation, but if parts integrate naturally, that is fine. We are so far from healed it's not funny. And this situation with my sister is raising havoc--putting us back in what we have always experienced as an intolerable situation.
sorry I should have explained myself better... here where I am the term healing doesnt mean a person is cured or integrated. it means making progress, things are looking up, something positive is happening where it wasnt before.

I was in the frame of mind of remembering your posts where one day you discovered billy was there when you did not know who they were and that billy was there, then you progressed rather quickly in your posts to being able to communicate with billy. thats what I meant by healing and co consciousness. you made positive moves forwards from not knowing this alter at all or even existed then discovered they were there then .... thats what the healing journey is here in my location for DID and dissociative alters. here where I am if a person isnt healing they would still be stuck back in the situaiton of not knowing they have dissociative problems, not knowing they have alters and not becoming co conscious... see what I mean..

here where I am developing co consciousness where previously there was none is called healing/ making progress.
amandalouise is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-05-2018, 11:51 AM #8
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise amandalouise is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 8,178
amandalouise amandalouise is offline
Wise Elder
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 8,178 (SuperPoster!)

10 yr Member
765 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Sister visiting soon--Trigger city!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurel1562 View Post
Please forgive my blabbing, but I'd like to share what my experience of co-consciousness is like for sake of clarity. It does not mean cooperation. It means that I am aware of an alter or alter. Sometimes I experience it like I am sitting in the back seat of a car while someone else is driving. Sometimes it is like watching the body being hijacked and I feel like I am behind a transparent wall, watching, but unable to change what is happening. Sometime it is hearing a thought in my head giving their opinion. Sometimes it is hearing arguments in my head between alters. I am not able to read my alters minds, nor have I met them all. As I have said before, we are in the beginning of our therapeutic process. And there is a spectrum of systems, each one being different. Perhaps in yours, Amanda, co-consciousness was a great leap forward in healing. For me, it has not been.
I actually had very little to no coconsciousness with most of my alters. co consciousness is not a necessary element here where I am in terms of healing. it is part of the healing journey for some but here where I am healing just means making progress, not staying stuck. looks like you and I, our locations and treatment providers just have a difference of definitions of what the term healing means.

I tend to think about it like a cut or broken bone. even though the bone is still broke and you can still see the cut, progress is being made to help that bone or cut. it is healing from the moment of the damage thanks to how the body takes care of itself.. mental problems are healing the moment a person takes the steps to see their problems and do something about the problem. Doesnt mean the problem is going to be fixed cured over night, just that positive changes are happening.
amandalouise is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-05-2018, 12:52 PM #9
Laurel1562's Avatar
Laurel1562 Laurel1562 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: Blue Springs
Posts: 63
Laurel1562 Laurel1562 is offline
Member
Laurel1562's Avatar
Laurel1562 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: Blue Springs
Posts: 63

113 hugs
given
Smile Re: Sister visiting soon--Trigger city!

Thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful answers. I have missed reading and posting here, but we have been avoiding this forum because it has been triggering and we have had to avoid dissociating and falling apart due to family obligations. Thanksgiving was almost too much, but we made it through. I have been feeling so alone and you all make me feel valued and your support is so amazing.
__________________
DID, Bipolar, ADHD, Me, myself and I!
Lamictal 200mg
Laurel1562 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-05-2018, 12:57 PM #10
Laurel1562's Avatar
Laurel1562 Laurel1562 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: Blue Springs
Posts: 63
Laurel1562 Laurel1562 is offline
Member
Laurel1562's Avatar
Laurel1562 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: Blue Springs
Posts: 63

113 hugs
given
Default Re: Sister visiting soon--Trigger city!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Betty_Banana View Post
Maybe you could plan some kind of fun activity while the girls night will be taking place.Like go shopping for new crayons and coloring books or watching a good movie while having candy and other snacks.Make a big deal out of it and maybe that will help.Kids are easily distracted in real life,it tends to work when they're inside kids too.
Betty, these suggestions sound wonderful. I think the little ones would really enjoy them!
__________________
DID, Bipolar, ADHD, Me, myself and I!
Lamictal 200mg
Laurel1562 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:17 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please Read the full Disclaimer.