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Old 11-25-2018, 04:16 PM #11
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Default Re: Integration

Thanks for sharing
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Old 11-25-2018, 04:53 PM #12
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Default Re: Integration

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Thanks for sharing
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Old 11-28-2018, 09:53 AM #13
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Default Re: Integration

I purposely gave it some time before posting another post in this thread. I know that its a lot to wrap the head around all the medical terms and that there actually is a physical brain process that happens to cause dissociation and dissociative disorders and in turn is part of the integration process.

I know that its a lot of information to take in and understand how the mental element of dissociating and the medical/ physical element works together to create that state of mind called dissociation and that of dissociative disorders.

unfortunately in order to understand what happens with integration a person must also understand the dissociation process.

I know many are waiting for the answers to the big questions... how are alters created and what happens after integration.

I have been debating whether to answer how alters are created. why because there is no 100 percent agreement on this in the mental health community. Professionals around the world agree up to a certain point but then the "I dont know and who really cares" type answers begin to happen. Its actually quite frustrating to say to a treatment provider ... I know this that and the other thing but what happens next and they say back "I dont know, does it really matter?" and I say back Yes it does, I wouldnt ask if it didnt matter to me.

I can tell you what my own treatment provider discovered about me and my system and how my alters were created. but only you and your own treatment providers can say what the mechanics behind your own alters actual moment of creation was like, based on what you learned while going through the integration process your selves.

Its one of those things that you have to go through to find the answer, part of the integration of alters is discovering their origins, what and how your brain created them, what the medical / physical and mental process was for their actual creation.
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Old 11-29-2018, 09:58 AM #14
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Default Re: Integration

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I can tell you what my own treatment provider discovered about me and my system and how my alters were created. but only you and your own treatment providers can say what the mechanics behind your own alters actual moment of creation was like, based on what you learned while going through the integration process your selves..
I agree with that.It's all a very unique,individual thing and each persons "story" will be different.The basics will be the same,the brain processes of it but that's really about it.It's the same with integration,you can share what the integration process was like for you,how your alters were integrated,what happened afterwards but that would only be your own unique story,unlike anyone else's.It's more than just the emotional part of it that's different,like you had stated,all of it,Being DID,integration,and then after integration is different for everyone on a personal level.

My therapist told me he was more of a scientist than anything else.His perception of the whole thing(DID,integration,after integration) was based on that.My perception was/is based on my own personal experiences.And while he was able to explain how it all developed,what was taking place in my brain,etc.I was able to explain to him from my pov,from my perception,which helped everything come full circle.
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Old 11-29-2018, 01:02 PM #15
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Default Re: Integration

first I want to give huge hugs to those in this board. when I first joined here about 8-9
years ago any attempt to discuss what I was going through in regards to integration was not a very welcome topic. this topic can be very scary and triggering for many. there were not many openly integrating people on the boards. I felt I had to keep this
journey to myself and to more private places here on psych central and other places on the internet to protect those who were not ready for this step,

dont get me wrong, those that have helped me through the last 8 years or so of this integration process are very much appreciated and un replace able. what I am saying is it feels great to have others here now at this level of healing.

this thread isnt just for me its for all of you too. if you have been integrated or going through integration your posts are welcome here.

my alters creation and what treatment providers in my location believe happens to create alternate personalities....

One of the reasons I started this thread with explaining the mechanics of how dissociation happens in the brain physically was so that you all would understand what my location, my treatment providers and I believe happens to create alters and what happened to me.

lets take a step back for a moment to the 1980's when I was a very small girl under the age of 5. Im not going to go into graphic details of what the abuses were. that could trigger others.
Possible trigger:


I was neither physically nor mentally mature enough to handle fully grown men and their adult issues. mentally and physically I went through the dissociation process already explained above. when this happened because of the severity of the abuse and my brains reactions to that something amazing happened.

Because I was now in a physical and mental dissociative state of mind everything that the senses, nerves were telling the spine and going through to the thalamus got redirected. Instead of moving on for more processing in the various parts of the brain, all this information was send directly on past the process and into storage for long term unconscious memories. I no longer would have those memories, emotions, trauma events, senses information consciously available to me. in mental term this is called dissociative amnesia.

now we had a problem. normally when the brain is physically working correctly everything is passed through the routine and we are able to associate things by our memories emotions and senses...

example walking down the street a person is able to remember the last time they walked down that street and how it felt to them, what they did, who they talked to. and if you are in a store and you see a shirt with any thing on it that reminds your brain of something on that walk your brain automatically puts all the right information together reintegrating the memory of the walk because the shirt decal reminded you of it.

lets say I was triggered in the store by a shirt decal. my brain goes through its process but theres no conscious memories to match that to, but there is the unconscious memories. after entering the dissociative state of mind my brain routes to the unconscious.

now Im standing in a store in a foggy, numb kind of state of mind where the unconscious long term memories are stored. someone walks up to me and asks if Im alright.

my brain is in its physical dissociated functions so what I say and do is based on what is stored in the unconscious. I look at the store clerk and say something like yes Im looking for the way out of here and walk away.

I am now functioning as an alternate personality, in other words instead of mentally and physically functioning with how and who I am when I am not dissociated, my body and mind are functioning on the unconsciousness level. kind of like someone who walks in their sleep can do and say things that they wouldnt ordinarily say and do when they are awake. I have the sense of agency of what is stored in the brains unconscious long term memories.)

As I functioned more and more in this mental and physical way called dissociation that the brain does, the more information from the senses nerves events get passed on through into the unconscious storage tanks.

any time I entered that process of dissociation more information was built up so that now my brain had enough so that when I physically and mentally entered a dissociative state of mind it was able to know and put together matching sense of agency personalities / characteristics and differentiate between whether I was dissociating because of the sexual trigger or fear of heights or anger or depression or well you get the picture. which ever the trigger for my dissociating was the result of what information I needed access to, in order to handle the situation. therefore my brain "switched" me to the unconscious alternate personality states that matched. just like if someone thinks about an orange their brain switches to recalling the memories, of oranges.

Sometimes this process of switching is called alters taking control or in some cultures taking possession.

mind you this is not what all treatment providers around the world believes happens to create alternate personalities. to find out what your own treatment providers believe and those treatment providers in your location believes you will need to contact them your selves.

Last edited by atisketatasket; 11-29-2018 at 04:44 PM. Reason: Added trigger tags
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Old 11-29-2018, 05:31 PM #16
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Default Re: Integration

I have to say that I really appreciate your above post amandalouise.I like the way you described/explained it in plain,simple terms.

And I hope that many other people read it,not just those with DID but those without it too.Most people think DID is just about the "alters" and they don't get the complexity of how it really works.They usually don't even get that there has been major trauma involved to cause this disorder in the first place.

I am hoping by reading your post they will understand that it's not anything "cool" or really strange or anything to be afraid of or look down on anyone that has it.
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Old 11-30-2018, 10:30 AM #17
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I have to say that I really appreciate your above post amandalouise.I like the way you described/explained it in plain,simple terms.

And I hope that many other people read it,not just those with DID but those without it too.Most people think DID is just about the "alters" and they don't get the complexity of how it really works.They usually don't even get that there has been major trauma involved to cause this disorder in the first place.

I am hoping by reading your post they will understand that it's not anything "cool" or really strange or anything to be afraid of or look down on anyone that has it.
yes like I have said many times in my past posts, there's more to having dissociative disorders and DID then what you find in books, movies, google and all these child alter friendly places out there in cyber space that make DID out to be fun, and cool. The reality is vastly different.
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Old 11-30-2018, 05:14 PM #18
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Originally Posted by amandalouise View Post
yes like I have said many times in my past posts, there's more to having dissociative disorders and DID then what you find in books, movies, google and all these child alter friendly places out there in cyber space that make DID out to be fun, and cool. The reality is vastly different.
I am assuming some may not like your reply or don't want to accept or believe it but it's definitely true.

The reality IS vastly different.
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Old 12-04-2018, 04:59 PM #19
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How and why you became DID that is going to take a lot of research and study on your part. you start by learning about the brain, its physical parts and how they function. you will have to learn and know things like right and left hemispheres, frontal lobes, cerebral cortex, cerebellum, brain stem, lots of technical medical and mental information. Are you ready to "go back to school"? .
I was reading through this thread again and this stuck out to me.Many sessions were spent with my therapist explaining things to me and I borrowed many different books of his to read in between sessions.At times he had me watch videos about the brain during sessions too.I found it all fascinating,although at times it was difficult to understand what I was being told/was watching/was reading.He was very good at answering any questions I had so that I could understand better though.

You said:
Quote:
part of the integration of alters is discovering their origins, what and how your brain created them, what the medical / physical and mental process was for their actual creation.
I think,well at least for me,I was just naturally curious about discovering their origins,what and how my brain created them,etc.and was fascinated.I guess most people would be curious and fascinated by it though really.

This whole thread is fascinating to me.it's not often I stumble upon others that have integrated too.I did meet some people online(not this site) that I corresponded with a few years ago when I was searching for others that have integrated.The contact with them was short lived though because I realized very quickly that I didn't have anything in common with them and couldn't relate to their experiences and others I had doubts that they ever had DID to begin with,let alone recover from it.So I pretty much gave up searching or even sharing anymore for a long time.

A common thing I found all over the internet was the different definitions of what integration is.For example what some consider integration is what I call co-consciousness and cooperation.I was corresponding with someone that told me they had reached full integration yet they were talking about their alters and I asked them"I thought you were fully integrated" and they said they were.That wasn't/isn't my experience at all and our conversations just kind of dwindled until we stopped all contact.

That would actually be an interesting thread topic or interesting for others to discuss in this thread,what integration means to them,what they think it means,etc.
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Old 12-04-2018, 08:46 PM #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Betty_Banana View Post
I was reading through this thread again and this stuck out to me.Many sessions were spent with my therapist explaining things to me and I borrowed many different books of his to read in between sessions.At times he had me watch videos about the brain during sessions too.I found it all fascinating,although at times it was difficult to understand what I was being told/was watching/was reading.He was very good at answering any questions I had so that I could understand better though.

You said:


I think,well at least for me,I was just naturally curious about discovering their origins,what and how my brain created them,etc.and was fascinated.I guess most people would be curious and fascinated by it though really.

This whole thread is fascinating to me.it's not often I stumble upon others that have integrated too.I did meet some people online(not this site) that I corresponded with a few years ago when I was searching for others that have integrated.The contact with them was short lived though because I realized very quickly that I didn't have anything in common with them and couldn't relate to their experiences and others I had doubts that they ever had DID to begin with,let alone recover from it.So I pretty much gave up searching or even sharing anymore for a long time.

A common thing I found all over the internet was the different definitions of what integration is.For example what some consider integration is what I call co-consciousness and cooperation.I was corresponding with someone that told me they had reached full integration yet they were talking about their alters and I asked them"I thought you were fully integrated" and they said they were.That wasn't/isn't my experience at all and our conversations just kind of dwindled until we stopped all contact.

That would actually be an interesting thread topic or interesting for others to discuss in this thread,what integration means to them,what they think it means,etc.
Thank you, it took me a while to find people going through integration also.

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That would actually be an interesting thread topic or interesting for others to discuss in this thread,what integration means to them,what they think it means,etc.
No, that is not what this thread is for. this thread if for those of us who have actually gone through the process of integration in the definition of the word being becoming one whole person again.

theres the garden for fun, theres the teen board for teen alters and theres the general board for everyone. there is no place here for those of us that have a past history of DID and went through the integration process and became one whole person again.

thats what this thread is for, those of us that have been through the process can post about how our integration process was on the physical and mental aspects and how we became DID, and integrated to be one whole person again.

I agree that your idea would make a great thread of its own though. that way this thread can remain what its meant to be for.
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