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Old 05-15-2018, 04:32 AM   #1
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Default Therapy Session tonight

Threw me for a loop. I was not expecting to go in and it be a session on his observations and diagnosis discussion. I honestly never ever thought I would be considered DID. I always thought I had extreme parts with different personality shifts but just chalked it up to my c-PTSD and Borderline.

I do not wake up in places I do not know how I got there or clothes in my closet that I do not remember buying. I do not have friends that I never met before.

Ok so I have not remembered a lot of session discussions or things I said and I know I do dissociate in session. He mentioned he sees a distinct personality shift.

So now this changes how the entire therapy is going to go. I was there for EMDR but he says we can not do that when I am not in my adult self when I am in the room. We are going to do mapping on the different parts but I don't know all the parts and I do consciously talk to all my personalities but no one talks back. It is not like I read on here.

Can he be wrong? Would it make sense that when one dissociates that of course their demeanor changes but that does not mean I am an entire personality all together.
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When a childís emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the childís development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:37 AM   #2
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Default Re: Therapy Session tonight

Wow, Iím sorry....Iím sure your mindís boggled...but heís an outside observer...what are his credentials?

When I dissociate....my world clouds up and I go into a daze....and sometimes a part steps up and keeps doing our tasks to only come to down the road on the way to work....

I always thought that when another part takes over that it was me doing it, but then they do things, say things, dress in things that I never would....since we are somewhat co-conscious....itís easy to mistake their thoughts for my thoughts...but to listen, their head voice is so much different then those of mine.... then when they finally take over....they dominate

I feel like Iím just a Watcher that sees all...but only through them do I exist...as dictating my thoughts. Iím just a point of consciousness with no real body or life control- like a director behind the scenes.

Iím a part as they are parts. I guess because of my position... I donít notice the missing memories much because the switch is so absolute that any memory of missing memories are thoroughly erased.

I say all this to describe (like in our case) how we canít see what other people sees. We were blind to it till of late.

Often times it takes an outside observer to correct our thinking.

Is this an official diagnosis or just speculations? Can a second opinion be gotten? How well does this person know you? Hang in there honey....you have a foot in the door of recovery.
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Old 05-15-2018, 11:35 AM   #3
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Default Re: Therapy Session tonight

Moxie I am similar to you. My parts that do come out do not wear different clothes or anything. They do have differences and make adjustments but not entirely different wardrobes. My Little Girl part however would buy all kinds of pink sparkly things if given the chance. Luckily she is only 5. My guy parts and my gay girl part don't seem to mind my clothes that much since I am pretty plain Jane and not girly girl.

I did not discover I had DID until I was 55. I just thought of the voices in my head as well my inner voices. I just thought I talked to myself a lot out loud. After diagnosis and plenty of work communicating with the others I am learning more and my friend from HS said it all makes sense now. I can remember next to nothing of my childhood or life for that matter. Parts are starting to share memories. It is a daily adventure.

Good luck to you with whatever the dx turns out to be. You will figure it out if it is true.
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Old 05-15-2018, 12:00 PM   #4
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Default Re: Therapy Session tonight

Well I do not plan on seeing a psychiatrist so it does not matter anyway. My T is a trauma therapist so I will have to trust he knows what he is doing. He said we can not do EMDR anymore, we tried 3 times, because i am not in my adult self I need to me adult and present when doing it. He said we are going to do mapping? I think that is mapping my parts or something but I do not know how that happens.

My original T diagnosed me with c-PTSD/borderline personality disorder/bulimic but then again I have actually never seen a psychiatrist nor do I care to.
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When a childís emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the childís development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Old 05-15-2018, 06:43 PM   #5
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Default Re: Therapy Session tonight

I emailed him that I feel perhaps I just have dissociation amnesia and not a dissociate disorder.

He Responded:
"Sounds reasonable to me. We could get into the thick of the dsm if needed, but I generally prefer to stick with what you say/feel/and I observe. Lots of things look similar and end up being treated the same. Id support that if you felt strongly of it."

We spent an entire session on that diagnosis and symptoms I display and that is how he response. Waste of my time and session.
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When a childís emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the childís development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Old 05-15-2018, 07:17 PM   #6
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Default Re: Therapy Session tonight

You don't have to see a Pdoc to get a dx. I too see a trauma specialist and he is the one that dx me. I actually do see a Pdoc for meds only and she does not even believe in DID even though my T sent her a full write up on me and my issues.

I have been doing EMDR for over a year now and my T too said we need to stop for a while until I get my switching under control. He is wanting to work more on parts for a while before we go back to EMDR. He said we won't make much progress at this time.

It doesn't help that I am currently in a stage where I want to stick my head in the sand and not accept the DID or parts. I have been taking a break for the past few weeks. We will probably start discussing parts again on Friday because I really do want to get better.

I don't think his email response was that bad. I think what he is saying is not to get too stuck on the official dx whether DID or another dissociative issue the work to fix it is very similar.
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Old 05-15-2018, 07:22 PM   #7
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Default Re: Therapy Session tonight

Quote:
Originally Posted by zoiecat View Post
You don't have to see a Pdoc to get a dx. I too see a trauma specialist and he is the one that dx me. I actually do see a Pdoc for meds only and she does not even believe in DID even though my T sent her a full write up on me and my issues.

I have been doing EMDR for over a year now and my T too said we need to stop for a while until I get my switching under control. He is wanting to work more on parts for a while before we go back to EMDR. He said we won't make much progress at this time.

It doesn't help that I am currently in a stage where I want to stick my head in the sand and not accept the DID or parts. I have been taking a break for the past few weeks. We will probably start discussing parts again on Friday because I really do want to get better.

I don't think his email response was that bad. I think what he is saying is not to get too stuck on the official dx whether DID or another dissociative issue the work to fix it is very similar.
I told him he was speculating and he said No, not speculating just fine tuning a diagnosis.

How do your symptoms manifest themselves?
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When a childís emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the childís development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Old 05-16-2018, 01:35 AM   #8
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Default Re: Therapy Session tonight

I agree with your T that the actual diagnosis doesn't matter so much, its more important to appropriately treat the problem-causing symptoms. A label just describes a set of symptoms and there isn't a massive deal of difference in treating the degrees of symptoms between trauma disorders.
I was diagnosed with DID last year but my T left her practise shortly after. Now I see a trauma therapist who is a EMDR specialist, I have been seeing her for about 9 months I think. We are working towards doing EMDR but haven't started yet. Last week we used eye movements for the first time to process some work with some parts but T said we won't start proper trauma processing for a while. She said we have to work on system mapping and developing more communication and cooperation between the parts first.
We still switch a lot in sessions and don't remember much from one session to the next, T said we need to improve that. Since using eye movements last week I can rememeber the whole session for the first time so that's hopeful.
My T has mentioned "mapping" but it seems we are just asking about the different alters, finding out things about them like how old they are, what their job is, who they talk to inside, what triggers them out etc. We aren't actually drawing a map of them or anything!
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Old 05-16-2018, 06:37 AM   #9
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Default Re: Therapy Session tonight

You sound very similar to me, and I am most comfortable with an "OSDD" diagnosis though I don't really pay attention to diagnoses anymore. I often feel like diagnoses just make things worse bc then you're basically told "oh so here is this label with distinct diagnostic criteria" and then, lo and behold, you start to sort of develop those criteria even if you didn't see them in yourself before.
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Old 05-16-2018, 06:41 AM   #10
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Default Re: Therapy Session tonight

Quote:
Originally Posted by toomanycats View Post
You sound very similar to me, and I am most comfortable with an "OSDD" diagnosis though I don't really pay attention to diagnoses anymore. I often feel like diagnoses just make things worse bc then you're basically told "oh so here is this label with distinct diagnostic criteria" and then, lo and behold, you start to sort of develop those criteria even if you didn't see them in yourself before.

DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER AND OTHER SPECIFIED DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER
Some people with OSDD have two or more distinct personality states, or alters, but don't experience any gaps in memory or amnesia, a necessary symptom for a DID diagnosis. Other people with OSDD do not have fully developed personality states. They do not have separate identities, though they often feel like they may have different parts of themselves or different ways of being. Dissociative symptoms, depersonalization, and derealization are also commonly experienced in these forms of OSDD.

It's important to note that someone with OSDD may actually have DID. It is possible that a person has experienced amnesia, but doesn't realize it because alters have kept traumatic memories hidden. It is also possible that a person does have alters, but lacks awareness of his or her system until much later on. An OSDD diagnosis isn't always final, and the diagnosis can change to DID if all the criteria are met.
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When a childís emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the childís development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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