dissociative disorders check in thread #3 - Page 12 - Forums at Psych Central


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Old 02-02-2018, 04:08 AM #111
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #3

I like the tide analogy!
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Old 02-02-2018, 06:42 PM #112
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #3

I feel like my tide is in but I am flooded with feeling that I can't numb. I am awash. I lie on my bed and I can't get up. I sleep amongst the nightmares.
I am coming to know a part of self who went to father-and-daughter nights at the club, a part who saw the public daddy as a king and herself as a princess. She has been hated and rejected by us. Because of her adoration for him. She was a traitor.
But for some reason now I am coming to see her just as a purposefully protected part of a little girl who was so neglected abandoned and abused that, just for those nights, those once a year events, she was able to feel loved, she was able to feel special.
For some reason that washes me out with sadness and all I can do is lie on my bed and cry.
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Old 02-02-2018, 08:17 PM #113
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #3

Last night, I had an odd experience. I had been wondering about my sense of two child parts - they are very similar, and so, I've kind of gone back and forth on "is it one or two?" And... it was quite clear last night that there's 2 and that one of them is a bit older than the other.

It was really obvious for a time - I suppose that the older one (who is less often there...) made herself quite obvious. And, she brought memories with her that were 'new' to me. (I put that in quotes because my experience of recovering memories is always more like "remembering to remember" if that makes sense. It's different from like my mom telling me something I've lost -- when I recover memories/a part shares memories, it's not as stark feeling? It's more like that moment when you remember something you'd just had in mind but forgotten. I don't know.)

Well, I'd actually forgotten about this entire experience from last night until just now as I was vacuuming and thinking too much (ha)... only now I can't even remember the memories that were shared...
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Old 02-02-2018, 08:40 PM #114
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #3

UNDIAGNOSED??? If you are still undiagnosed and you know something is really wrong, you need to make sure and look into dysautonomia/postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS). This basically means that your autonomic nervous system is not functioning properly. The reason why I am saying this is because I spent 4 months trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I saw 10 different doctors and they all said everything was fine. Over those 4 months I experienced a long list of symptoms. These included severe shortness of breath (sometimes triggered by eating, but it wasnít because it blocked my throat or anything), major tremors, major brain fog, declined mental acuity, dizziness, imbalance, diarrhea, constipation, severely clogged ears, insomnia, stiffness in my neck and back. Be sure to see a doctor who knows about this because part of the reason why local doctors couldnít figure out what was wrong with me is because they didnít/donít know about dysautonomia/POTS. I had to end up going to the Mayo Clinic in another state to diagnose me. I say this because there will be others. I too was once reading forums such as this one Iím making now, desperately searching for answers.. A lot of people never go back and post what was wrong with them when they figure it out. I made a commitment to myself that I would, so that maybe I could help people who are in my past situation. God bless you all.
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Old 02-03-2018, 01:51 PM #115
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #3

it was loud in the head this afternoon (mainly natalie). actually quite scary- she is the scarriest insider she is so loud.

things have calmed down now though
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Old 02-04-2018, 03:04 AM #116
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #3

having a nice morning so far.

our only goal today is to shower, but doubt we're going to do that until the afternoon (we were going to do it this morning, but being lazy and sitting in front of the music channel!)
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Old 02-05-2018, 04:19 PM #117
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
I feel like my tide is in but I am flooded with feeling that I can't numb. I am awash. I lie on my bed and I can't get up. I sleep amongst the nightmares.
I am coming to know a part of self who went to father-and-daughter nights at the club, a part who saw the public daddy as a king and herself as a princess. She has been hated and rejected by us. Because of her adoration for him. She was a traitor.
But for some reason now I am coming to see her just as a purposefully protected part of a little girl who was so neglected abandoned and abused that, just for those nights, those once a year events, she was able to feel loved, she was able to feel special.
For some reason that washes me out with sadness and all I can do is lie on my bed and cry.

I have a part who loved an abuser, and I can relate to the hatred and sense of betrayal. Thanks for sharing. Iím glad weíve gotten to know her better. Sheís very sweet and kind, and has an uncomplicated outlook on life. Itís easy for her to enjoy life and that has been refreshing for us. She felt awful when she realized some of her actions hurt us badly in the past. She doesnít have a single malicious thought in her (side of the) mind.
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Old 02-05-2018, 07:01 PM #118
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Solnutty View Post
I have a part who loved an abuser, and I can relate to the hatred and sense of betrayal. Thanks for sharing. Iím glad weíve gotten to know her better. Sheís very sweet and kind, and has an uncomplicated outlook on life. Itís easy for her to enjoy life and that has been refreshing for us. She felt awful when she realized some of her actions hurt us badly in the past. She doesnít have a single malicious thought in her (side of the) mind.
Thank you.

I can see that this one isn't "bad". She just feels like a little girl who feels loved and special. We have been having flashbacks from her. There is nothing bad about them. But I suppose they are still flashbacks. A snippet of her with him in the wine shop, the smell of wine, the feeling of her emotional state "I am important, I matter." At the hotel for the father-daughter dinner, feeling "big", ordering a drink - anything she wants. The smell of the new carpet, the other daughters, playing in the hallway by the hotel rooms.
It was simple stuff, there was nothing sinister there. Just a little girl feeling special and important when her daddy took her to these public events.
She was just a little girl who knew nothing of the other-times.
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Old 02-06-2018, 04:49 AM #119
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #3

what ever time was lost yesterday must have been spent... well, interestingly

we are now proud members of the Hedgehog Welfare society (I don't know about proud, most of us know nothing about Hedgehogs), but we are and we're going to fix it today- aqa not be a member anymore

it's so strange. none of us ever expressed an interest in Hedgehogs
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Old 02-06-2018, 04:51 AM #120
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #3

on the plus side, we were all present and correct in time for the launch of the new crime channel which we wanted to see anyway

so yay
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