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Unread 06-18-2017, 03:34 PM   #1
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Smile Why am I dissociating? And why does no one believe me?

Forgive me if this is long I'll keep it short as possible and thanks for reading my mess also I'm new here hi everyone.....

I've had Depersonlization and Derelization since about maybe 4 years old. That's a far back as I can remember having it.

I've also had this other voice with me since I was very little, she's like me sounds like me but she isn't. I've told my previous therapist about it but she didn't take me seriously nor did she really understand what I felt she never even heard of dp and dr before.

I told her about the voice that sounds like me but isn't but she kept trying to put me into this box saying "voices" when I told her it was only one. I guess two if you count me. We talk 24/7, about movies, and music, about what to say what to type what to eat for dinner. She even wakes me up sometimes when I'm sleeping.

I've told my mom before but she rolls her eyes at me, telling me "it's all in your head." or tells me to "stop it, there's nothing wrong with you."

I noticed that when I have my phone near me at night when I'm asleep. When I wake up I check the search history and a bunch of things that I never looked up appears.

This is why I don't keep computers or phones near me. Because I think she does things while I'm asleep. I've had people ask me why I said this, that and the other and I have no idea what they're talking about.

I noticed that lately it's been happening during the day, I can go out to the store or just be driving, come home and completely forget that I left the house. It's like a dream a very vague dream it 's foggy, I forget I've even been out anywhere. I feel like I should be scared but I just feel numb and distant from everything and everyone.

(I have Aspergers I am on the autism spetcrum, just thought I mention that.)

My eyes roll back sometimes too (I know this sound insane but it happen I'm not sure what it is.) I've read that people with DID sometimes have their eyes roll back or may feel like they're falling.

I don't know what to do when I've been to a therapist two of them actually, I've been going to that therapist for a year in a half now, and she never believed me so I cut her off recently. She didn't even ask why.


I'm done with therapist all they ever ask is for my money and when I'm going to pay completely ignoring my concerns.


If this is DID I have no idea how it happened, I only ever lived my mom and she was fine, she never hurt me and never had any strangers around me.

Maybe it's not DID and more like a spirit, maybe I had a twin and she died in the womb and our souls like merged together and we share the same body now.(I've been speculating)

Depersonlization, feels like my hands and legs don't belong to me, I look at myself in the mirror and feel like I'm seeing someone else. Derelization having it right now as I type this, my eyes feel so strange and everything is like I turned the contrast up on my t.v. I've had that since 4, I remember coming home from Kindergarten in tears because "I don't feel real." I told my mom.

She didn't understand what I meant, they took me to doctors they didn't understand I was healthy. And what do you mean "You don't feel real, you're right here you're real."

I just want to know why why this is happening to me and why at such a young age, why am I doing things and not remembering why do I have dp and dr.

Thanks if you read this, I know it's long I just hope someone can reply or relate to me.
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Unread 06-19-2017, 06:37 PM   #2
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Default Re: Why am I dissociating? And why does no one believe me?

If you have ever read Elron Hubbard's book: "Dyanetics" you would see that he talks about traumas occurring in the womb.

It is very easy to traumatize, even, a newborn to four year old toddler. It does not have to be physical abuse that causes a dissociative disorder. Anything that scares the toddler, anything that causes emotional or psychological stress to the toddler, or anything that causes emotional pain to the toddler can cause a dissociative disorder.

Many of Dr. Colin Ross's patients' dissociative disorder exhibits just like mine. It is extremely hard to tell one personality from another. My family was dysfunctional but not total psychopaths. My Dad would have gotten me help if he could tell one personality from another.

Even with Sybel and Eve, the family members did not see anything wrong. But it is the dysfunctional family that causes the mental illness.
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Unread 06-19-2017, 07:22 PM   #3
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Default Re: Why am I dissociating? And why does no one believe me?

a lot of professionals have a hard time believing in DID and the spectrum. dissociation in general like the depersonalization and derealization is more known/accepted, but even that is difficult for some professionals to grasp the concept of.

you could have had some trauma as a young child. even emotional neglect, etc. can cause a level of trauma and detachment which could cause a child to dissociate. not sure if you had emotional neglect or not. i had it in the way that my mom (single mother of four at one point) had to work to support our family, and when i wasn't at school, i was at a babysitter's. she also wasn't able to give me the emotional support i needed and neglected me in that way as i was highly anxious. she didn't mean to do that but did the best she could given the situation. i did have a lot of other traumas though early on, so that was just one type.

have you seen therapists that work with dissociative disorder clients? if not, they might be a better type to consult with. maybe you could find some to phone and ask questions before you decide if you want to see another one or not.
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Unread 06-19-2017, 07:45 PM   #4
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Default Re: Why am I dissociating? And why does no one believe me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PrincessOfLife View Post
Forgive me if this is long I'll keep it short as possible and thanks for reading my mess also I'm new here hi everyone.....

I've had Depersonlization and Derelization since about maybe 4 years old. That's a far back as I can remember having it.

I've also had this other voice with me since I was very little, she's like me sounds like me but she isn't. I've told my previous therapist about it but she didn't take me seriously nor did she really understand what I felt she never even heard of dp and dr before.

I told her about the voice that sounds like me but isn't but she kept trying to put me into this box saying "voices" when I told her it was only one. I guess two if you count me. We talk 24/7, about movies, and music, about what to say what to type what to eat for dinner. She even wakes me up sometimes when I'm sleeping.

I've told my mom before but she rolls her eyes at me, telling me "it's all in your head." or tells me to "stop it, there's nothing wrong with you."

I noticed that when I have my phone near me at night when I'm asleep. When I wake up I check the search history and a bunch of things that I never looked up appears.

This is why I don't keep computers or phones near me. Because I think she does things while I'm asleep. I've had people ask me why I said this, that and the other and I have no idea what they're talking about.

I noticed that lately it's been happening during the day, I can go out to the store or just be driving, come home and completely forget that I left the house. It's like a dream a very vague dream it 's foggy, I forget I've even been out anywhere. I feel like I should be scared but I just feel numb and distant from everything and everyone.

(I have Aspergers I am on the autism spetcrum, just thought I mention that.)

My eyes roll back sometimes too (I know this sound insane but it happen I'm not sure what it is.) I've read that people with DID sometimes have their eyes roll back or may feel like they're falling.

I don't know what to do when I've been to a therapist two of them actually, I've been going to that therapist for a year in a half now, and she never believed me so I cut her off recently. She didn't even ask why.


I'm done with therapist all they ever ask is for my money and when I'm going to pay completely ignoring my concerns.


If this is DID I have no idea how it happened, I only ever lived my mom and she was fine, she never hurt me and never had any strangers around me.

Maybe it's not DID and more like a spirit, maybe I had a twin and she died in the womb and our souls like merged together and we share the same body now.(I've been speculating)

Depersonlization, feels like my hands and legs don't belong to me, I look at myself in the mirror and feel like I'm seeing someone else. Derelization having it right now as I type this, my eyes feel so strange and everything is like I turned the contrast up on my t.v. I've had that since 4, I remember coming home from Kindergarten in tears because "I don't feel real." I told my mom.

She didn't understand what I meant, they took me to doctors they didn't understand I was healthy. And what do you mean "You don't feel real, you're right here you're real."

I just want to know why why this is happening to me and why at such a young age, why am I doing things and not remembering why do I have dp and dr.

Thanks if you read this, I know it's long I just hope someone can reply or relate to me.


here's an idea that may prove to them once and for all if you have a dissociative disorder or not. ask to go to a psychiatrist for testing. there are special tests that can tell you, your parents and your treatment providers whether you have any mental disorders and what they are. they will also be able to get you to a medical doctor who can do some tests to find out if you have and physical medical problems that are causing your eyes to roll back in your head. if it turns out that you have a seizure disorder like epilepsy you will be prescribed a medicine that will stop the seizures. or at the very least you will have less of them.
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My location's (USA) list of mental disorders (DSM 5)
http://forums.psychcentral.com/other...disorders.html

my locations (USA) Dissociative Disorders diagnostic criteriahttp://forums.psychcentral.com/disso...s-dsm-5-a.html

USA insurance forms sometimes require the ICD codes. it is less detailed and a bit different in wording than the DSM5 but is the same diagnostic criteria http://www.icd10data.com/ICD10CM/Cod...48/F44-/F44.81

Sense of Agency is a new term associated with DID in my location (USA) http://forums.psychcentral.com/disso...se-agency.html

Reality Testing is a new diagnostic criteria for dissociative disorders here in the USA http://forums.psychcentral.com/disso...ml#post5180743

co consciousness https://forums.psychcentral.com/diss...ciousness.html

Revolving door http://forums.psychcentral.com/disso...ving-door.html

Testing procedures in the USA and .......Sample tests (not used for diagnosis purposes).......
https://forums.psychcentral.com/diss...disorders.html

Last edited by sabby; 06-20-2017 at 10:58 AM. Reason: Administrative edit
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Unread 06-19-2017, 08:56 PM   #5
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Default Re: Why am I dissociating? And why does no one believe me?

There are things that can cause dissociative disorders other than parental abuse. There could be abuse by someone other than a parent, premature birth, painful medical procedures and other things.

For most people, DID starts at a young age, so it would not be unusual to have dissociated as a young child.

For me, figuring out why I dissociate has not been as helpful as working to integrate, and I have needed an experienced therapist to do that. I think you may need to work with someone with experience in helping people with DID to get an accurate diagnosis and understanding of how to heal.

I am sorry you are not getting answers. Losing time can be embarrassing, dangerous and confusing. It caused me to isolate, which did not help my recovery.
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Unread 06-19-2017, 09:58 PM   #6
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Default Re: Why am I dissociating? And why does no one believe me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PrincessOfLife View Post
Forgive me if this is long I'll keep it short as possible and thanks for reading my mess also I'm new here hi everyone.....

I've had Depersonlization and Derelization since about maybe 4 years old. That's a far back as I can remember having it.

I've also had this other voice with me since I was very little, she's like me sounds like me but she isn't. I've told my previous therapist about it but she didn't take me seriously nor did she really understand what I felt she never even heard of dp and dr before.

I told her about the voice that sounds like me but isn't but she kept trying to put me into this box saying "voices" when I told her it was only one. I guess two if you count me. We talk 24/7, about movies, and music, about what to say what to type what to eat for dinner. She even wakes me up sometimes when I'm sleeping.

I've told my mom before but she rolls her eyes at me, telling me "it's all in your head." or tells me to "stop it, there's nothing wrong with you."

I noticed that when I have my phone near me at night when I'm asleep. When I wake up I check the search history and a bunch of things that I never looked up appears.

This is why I don't keep computers or phones near me. Because I think she does things while I'm asleep. I've had people ask me why I said this, that and the other and I have no idea what they're talking about.

I noticed that lately it's been happening during the day, I can go out to the store or just be driving, come home and completely forget that I left the house. It's like a dream a very vague dream it 's foggy, I forget I've even been out anywhere. I feel like I should be scared but I just feel numb and distant from everything and everyone.

(I have Aspergers I am on the autism spetcrum, just thought I mention that.)

My eyes roll back sometimes too (I know this sound insane but it happen I'm not sure what it is.) I've read that people with DID sometimes have their eyes roll back or may feel like they're falling.

I don't know what to do when I've been to a therapist two of them actually, I've been going to that therapist for a year in a half now, and she never believed me so I cut her off recently. She didn't even ask why.


I'm done with therapist all they ever ask is for my money and when I'm going to pay completely ignoring my concerns.


If this is DID I have no idea how it happened, I only ever lived my mom and she was fine, she never hurt me and never had any strangers around me.

Maybe it's not DID and more like a spirit, maybe I had a twin and she died in the womb and our souls like merged together and we share the same body now.(I've been speculating)

Depersonlization, feels like my hands and legs don't belong to me, I look at myself in the mirror and feel like I'm seeing someone else. Derelization having it right now as I type this, my eyes feel so strange and everything is like I turned the contrast up on my t.v. I've had that since 4, I remember coming home from Kindergarten in tears because "I don't feel real." I told my mom.

She didn't understand what I meant, they took me to doctors they didn't understand I was healthy. And what do you mean "You don't feel real, you're right here you're real."

I just want to know why why this is happening to me and why at such a young age, why am I doing things and not remembering why do I have dp and dr.

Thanks if you read this, I know it's long I just hope someone can reply or relate to me.


So sorry you are going through this...but also, welcome to PC!

MD doctors don't get it because they just deal with the physical aspects of human anatomy....and therapists that don't understand are not trained to do so. With dissociative disorders....one needs a T trained in trauma therapy.

As far as initial trauma...from what I get...abuse is not neccessarily the root cause of dissociation leading to DID...it's plain trauma: anything a babies' dissociated mind can't process....like death, an accident...murder...the loss of a mother's touch or presence or never felt....

A babies mind associates after 5-7...whenever...but trauma prevents this, hence parts/alters/Others/states/....

The womb trauma interests me....because pinning down our initial trauma (which creates a traffic jam of unprocessed trauma (we got 20+ years worth))...

It just takes therapy with a T that can help guide you through the pain.

Oh I hate the dp/dr thing....funny how I always thought that it was normal....

Good luck and hope that you keep posting.
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Unread 06-20-2017, 12:21 AM   #7
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Default Re: Why am I dissociating? And why does no one believe me?

Keep looking for a therapist who believes you, not all therapists or counsellors have had training about dissociative disorders.
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Unread 06-20-2017, 01:51 AM   #8
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Default Re: Why am I dissociating? And why does no one believe me?

I believe you.
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Unread 06-20-2017, 01:59 PM   #9
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Default Re: Why am I dissociating? And why does no one believe me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Solnutty View Post
I believe you.
Hear, hear! Trying to think of a helpful response and I come across this perfect one. Yeah, I believe you too. Welcome.

Incidentally, I have DID and Aspergers...we kind of sat up straight when you got to the autism spectrum.
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