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Old 12-03-2006, 07:36 PM #1
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Default How do I....

How do I get my 8 year old, angry and depressed little one to come out and talk to our Therapist?
We have a really great Therpaist, who is trusted by ME explicitly, but my little won't talk to her.
She always asks if my little is around (during sessions) and I tell her yes, but won't come out.
It's really nice that my Therapist is willing to talk to my little, even if she won't come out.
I have tried everything to come out from candy to games to McDonalds, etc., but nothing works.
I get really frustrated with my little and try not to be mean, but sometimes I can't help it.
I don't know what I should do.
Do I just leave my little alone and hope that she will come out eventually or do I keep trying to force her out?
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Old 12-03-2006, 08:02 PM #2
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Default Re: How do I....

Hi onlymedid,

Welcome to PC!

I hear your frustration and I'm sorry it's so hard.

I am not an expert or professional but I don't think forcing anyone, especially people with DID, to do something against their will would be beneficial. Could be a small part of the reason she is angry.

It's too reminiscent of past abuse, in my opinion. I think as you go along she may want to be heard (or not) or she will be triggered out but she is listening so that's a start. Trust is major. It may take a while for her/everyone to feel more together and work as a group. But all groups/systems/families are different so what I just said may not even apply, lol.

Petunia
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Old 12-03-2006, 08:20 PM #3
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Default Re: How do I....

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Petunia said:
Hi onlymedid,

Welcome to PC!

I hear your frustration and I'm sorry it's so hard.

I am not an expert or professional but I don't think forcing anyone, especially people with DID, to do something against their will would be beneficial. Could be a small part of the reason she is angry.

It's too reminiscent of past abuse, in my opinion. I think as you go along she may want to be heard (or not) but she is listening so that's a start. Trust is major. It may take a while for her/everyone to feel more together and work as a group.

Petunia

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Thanks Petunia.
Yeah, she is really angry! I know it is due to the intense abuse we suffered. I am able to tell my T a lot of what happened, but I (me) have no emotion and I just know my little would feel better if she could express some of her emotions. I can tell my T how she feels, but it's not the same.
I think you are right, I will let her come out when she's ready. I really don't want her to feel too pressured.
Thanks again!
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Old 12-03-2006, 08:35 PM #4
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Default Re: How do I....

How do I....

I just read your introduction---five months is way too soon to be pushing yourself so hard. It will come in time whether you want it to or not, lol.

Again, welcome.
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Old 12-03-2006, 08:54 PM #5
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Default Re: How do I....

Give your little some space and time. Littles come out when they feel very very safe and know that nothiing will happen to them. I have a 7 yr old who is now (after about a yr) ready to talk and show herself more.
Have lots of paper, crayons, paint, toys, dolls, --what ever attracts little kids. Give her a place to be safe. She'll come out when she is really ready.
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Old 12-03-2006, 08:59 PM #6
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Default Re: How do I....

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
white_iris said:
Give your little some space and time. Littles come out when they feel very very safe and know that nothiing will happen to them. I have a 7 yr old who is now (after about a yr) ready to talk and show herself more.
Have lots of paper, crayons, paint, toys, dolls, --what ever attracts little kids. Give her a place to be safe. She'll come out when she is really ready.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I guess after so many years of pushing her away and telling her to be quiet is biting me in the rear now.
We just went out and bought a HUGE box of crayons and a coloring book, which she LOVES!
Patience is not my strong point, but I am learning.
Thanks
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Old 12-04-2006, 10:32 PM #7
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Default Re: How do I....

I don't have a problem with how to get my memory pieces (alters) to come out. for me its just something that automatically happens when ever I am uncomfortable, upset, nervious, sad, angry and any number of other feelings. which over memory piece is the one that contains the information about what ever it is that I am uncomfortable, upset, nervious, angry and so on is the memory piece that is being rerun while I am dissociated. For me dissociation into alter forms is not a choice I cant control "who does what and when and who is out when and where and so on. The only thing I have control of (sometimes not always) is whether or not I can pull myself back out of my tunnel area (floaty far away feeling which is the symptom I have of my dissociating).

For me dissocating into my memory peices (alters was not and is not a choice so that they can talk during therapy. it happens or it doesn't. I cant say - ok mary its your turn to talk so talk and snap my fingers and mary is talking and my therapist due to state and federal mental health laws and rules is unable to "call out" specific memory pieces.

So instead we just go on with our normal therapy plans and should I switch thats fine if I don't thats fine too. in eather case - if I switch my therapist said she just continues on with whatever we are discussing and if I don't I know that we just continue on with what we are discussing and doing.

By doing things this way I don't have to worry that I am not doing therapy right or Im doing something wrong or cant do something because I haven't dissociated that day or on the days that I do that I should feel good or bad because I dissociated.

For me therapy isn't about dissociating is good or dissociating is bad. its about takig care of the problems that make me dissociate so that I have a better life and can funtion better in my daily life.


Maybe what you and your therapist can try is taking the expectation of needing to dissociate for your therapist benefit out of your therapy plans. Therapy is supposed to promote welbeing not create more dissociation and problems anyway.

Without that expectation of "I should be able to or I have to dissociate in front of my therapist" kind of thing my therapy experiences over the past 6 years have been great and I have come a LONG way into being much more functional and able to take care of myself.

Hang in there
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