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Old 07-23-2013, 05:54 PM   #1
innocentjoy
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Confused Why does everything happen at once?

I had a dr's appointment today, and the dr ended up taking a biopsy of a mole that I have. I was surprised that she felt she needed to, and wasn't expecting it to happen right there in the office. So now, on top of the rest of the week, and the trigger of just seeing her, I have this to wait and guess about. She also made a pointed comment about how my therapist is not good at communication, that he said my prognosis is really good, and then went on to talk about volunteering. She feels I should start volunteering because it will let me realize that everyone has issues, and to stop thinking my life is so bad. I HATE that becuase I KNOW my life (on paper) is pretty damn good. The fact that everything is all over the place and I feel so terribly just makes it worse. And I've taken international development in school, and lived in a couple other countries, I REALIZE that things are pretty good here.

Over the last few weeks I've had a lot of issues to deal with. Last week I got very sick from the heat, and had a fever. I also had really bad allergies that are now getting tested. I had a really triggering appt with my therapist, and my case worker is on holidays. Today she's getting major surgery done. I haven't slept properly in weeks, which makes everything worse. As well I've had major problems with low blood sugar lately. And because it's in reaction to what I eat, I can't just have something sugary to bring it back up. I'm just exhausted and overwhelmed.

What I hate the most is that when I'm in apts I usually switch to a part of me that is the "good" girl. With this dr I usually feel extra vulnerable bc I know her views on me and how I just "make things up" in my head, so it's usually the 8 year old. I'm extremely vulnerable to any criticism when the 8 yr old takes over, and it's not until I'm out of the situation and in a safe place that I will melt down...and then it's a major one.

It feels like I just keeping "letting" this happen, bc I can't advocate as myself when I switch. And then afterword, the angry me comes out. Sigh. It's so tiring. Does anyone else ever get into modes/alters where they aren't able to stand up for themselves?
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Old 07-24-2013, 05:00 PM   #2
Piraeus
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Default Re: Why does everything happen at once?

Hi innocentjoy. How are you feeling today. I hope a little better. I always think the bad things come in three's. Then slam! It comes back to bite me. I don't deal with emotions very well. My coping mechanism is to go to sleep. Then I can't sleep, so I get up and ponder some more. I hope that maybe your doc can adjust your meds so it is good for you. I hope things get better for you.

Sincerely,

Piraeus
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Old 07-26-2013, 12:16 PM   #3
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Default Re: Why does everything happen at once?

Hey, and thank you

Things are a lot better. I've realized that I need to change my perspective and expectations regarding my family dr. I am now thinking of them as health interviews instead of dr's apts, something that brings out the "presenter/performer" in me instead of a vulnerable patient. That way I will be less likely to let my guard down. I will also strictly keep everything focused on the reason I am visiting her, and take charge of the conversation if she changes it.

For instance, when she talks about things that I "should" be doing, I will politely say "Thank you, I will bring that up with Dr. F". That way she will know that I am not open to those suggestions from her, that I trust my T more for matters like that, and yet I will still be able to keep a professional relationship.

I feel much better after that. And it was the stand-in case worker that helped me with that, so it shows me that I am in great hands while mine is on holidays!

IJ
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