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Old 01-23-2019, 03:04 PM   #1
Bigheadbob
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Default Life feels overwhelming

I wish I could pause my life I just feel like it's getting too much. People who I trusted all abandoned me and I feel bad because I got too dependent on them. My girlfriend dumped me because she said I got too dependent on her and it was not possible for to carry all the emotional load that I dumped on her. They all left and I'm trying to learn to stop letting people into my life
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Old 01-23-2019, 06:24 PM   #2
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Hello Bigheadbob: Thank you for sharing your concern here on PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 01-23-2019, 06:32 PM   #3
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I dont think you have to stop letting people into your life....
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Old 02-03-2019, 09:25 PM   #4
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Old 02-03-2019, 10:34 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bigheadbob View Post
I wish I could pause my life I just feel like it's getting too much. People who I trusted all abandoned me and I feel bad because I got too dependent on them. My girlfriend dumped me because she said I got too dependent on her and it was not possible for to carry all the emotional load that I dumped on her. They all left and I'm trying to learn to stop letting people into my life
Hello Bigheadbob. I am so sorry you're struggling. It's really hard to deal with things alone, isn't it? I've been there. And I can also relate to the desire to want to pause life. If only!

The fact that you developed awareness of your tendency to be a bit too dependent on others at times might actually be a good thing! I know it doesn't feel that way now. And I am sorry you feel badly. But perhaps there are better times and more lasting/balanced relationships in your future!! If you feel the need to be on your own a while, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Then in time, when you feel ready you could make it a goal to find a middle ground in your relationships. It may be helpful for you to read the following:
Independence and Interdependence—What's Best for Love? | Psychology Today
Dependency, Counter-Dependency, and Interdependency | Psychology Today
You are not alone with this struggle. It's hard for most of us to get this balance just right. I think many of us need to work on it. Ever tried therapy? That could help.

I'm sorry you and your gf are no longer together. That's a sad loss. Be patient and kind to your Self while you grieve the loss.

I wish you peace.
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Old 02-04-2019, 02:01 PM   #6
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Old 02-04-2019, 02:19 PM   #7
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I'm so sorry you're struggling, Bigheadbob Please don't give up. You don't need to sto letting other people in your life. Instead, I think you just need to focus on yourself for a short while. Since you seem to be struggling with your dependency on other people, perhaps you just need to work on that. Try to learn how to become indipendent, and be able to cope on your own. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. It can be very useful for things like this and you could start exploring yourself and your own personality. Just know that this isn't your fault. You just need to learn how to deal with it, that's all. I hope you'll be able to get the help you need. It's not easy, I know. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Old 02-04-2019, 04:08 PM   #8
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I went down that road of thinking letting people into my life was a bad thing. And i was unloading a lot on people as well, until that decision. What i learned was what a bad mistake it was. Having no one, ever, is much worse than anything else.
The trick i learned is to not unload so much, and in fact, it can sometimes be counterproductive. I was in counseling for a while and never got to work on long term issues because all i did was unload week after week. At the end of it all i got nothing long term out of it.



Some things that helped me was learning more about depression itself, and also learning more about myself, separate from the depression. For me, personally, taking the Briggs/Myers test online helped me to have insight into some of what i viewed as negative traits that i felt were not common and reflective of how bad i was. Seeing that it is normal for my 'type' brought me comfort. Also seeing my positives highlighted, and in some cases revealed to me, helped me to feel better about myself as well.

For me a big part of handling my depression has been learning all these things. Perhaps they could help you as well. And and, in turn, improve your relationships with others as you need to rely less on them.

Having people to help is invaluable, no doubt, but we also need to be able to support ourselves to a degree so we don't overburden others.
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Old 02-04-2019, 04:55 PM   #9
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Don't give up on people and don't push them away. It's healthy to need people in your life.
Therapy may help with realizing why there maybe some dependency. Welcome.
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Old 02-08-2019, 11:55 PM   #10
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