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Old 01-06-2019, 06:30 AM   #961
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yesterday I struggled a lot with abandonment issues (it was due to that girl leaving recently). they were really bad and I ended up sitting their talking to myself about my funeral (which may or may not happen, I'm seriously thinking about not having one). I really don't think anyone would even turn up.

no sleep yesterday again- not even any traces of rest or tiredness

today I'd be quite happy to do "**** all". sit on a chair, look at the wall and think about my existance and what a mess it is

probably not going to get me anywhere though.. need to at least try to be productive.
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Old 01-06-2019, 11:37 AM   #962
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It's early morning right now and so far it's starting off as upsetting. My friend called unexpectedly just after breakfast. He was telling me that he read an article about loneliness and how unhealthy it is. Well I've seen those kind of articles a hundred times at least! It's nice to be reminded on how loneliness can kill you. And then he went on about how difficult it is for me to have relationships. Well, there's plenty of time for the rest of the day. I hope it gets better.
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Old 01-07-2019, 04:12 AM   #963
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I think I should listen to myself in the end. Advice can be good but doesn't mean it's right for me. I've got some confusing difficult situation going on but I'm glad I made this decision and I'm not all alone. I'd likely be dead if I was.
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Old 01-07-2019, 11:14 AM   #964
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Feeling down today.
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Old 01-07-2019, 10:29 PM   #965
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I canít really tell if Iím depressed or not. I am functioning just fine. Things have been going slow at work. Iím not working as much since the holidays are over. Iím fine with working less. The days I do work It goes good. Itís just, when Iím off work Iím spending an awful amount of time just sitting in front of the TV. I binge watch crappy cable reality TV shows for hours. Iím not sure itís healthy. But then I also feel like as long as Iím making it to work everytime I am supposed then my free time is my free time. I donít know. Iím really tired right now. Iíve been up for almost 18 hours.
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Old 01-08-2019, 05:25 PM   #966
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I slept at least 7 hours. Had to take a bit more of my antidepressant but I was glad to have slept. In the process of finding a place to live for myself and for my son to be on his own. I'm stressed because of our situation and how he is blaming me for it. I know I'm doing what I can but that isn't helping me feel better.
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Old 01-08-2019, 08:17 PM   #967
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Was a slow day at work today. Not much of a feel good day. My leg is hurting. It's been hurting a little bit for the last three weeks or so, but today it's hurting more. And I got my result from a blood test that I had last week and it didn't turn out the way I wanted it.

It seems like people are in bad moods today. Kind of hard to deal with when having depression; and especially when they are that way when I'm reaching out.
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Old 01-09-2019, 04:21 AM   #968
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Can't seem to shake the feeling of impending doom, like imminent job loss, a health catastrophe, and even natural disasters (we're overdue for the Big One quake here). But chances are it will be something I never anticipated, as typically in the past...
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Old 01-09-2019, 05:10 AM   #969
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certainly not a feel good week, but not a bad week either.

just inbetween. could feel a lot better but also a lot worse
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Old 01-09-2019, 05:11 AM   #970
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this week is going so fast.

I can't believe that we're all ready on wednesday
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